Do I hate my baby ?

[Somethingwicked9]

I already have a son he sleeps 13 hours at night and at weekends naps during day for an hour and a half , but Iv since had a little girl she’s 5 and a half months old and hates any type of sleep , with my boy at this stage we used to get cosy and nap in the same room during the day and he’d sleep threw out night apart from one or two night feeds that he would go straight down from but not her she will nap no longer than 30mims at a time and that’s if I’m lucky so there for no catching up on sleep for me during the day. But fuck me at night it’s bloody horrible it’s past 3 am and I have been up with her for over 3 hours already, I have tried everything and I mean everything to get her back to sleep but she’s giggling and smiling away I feel like she’s laughing at me and I’m angry ! I’d never hurt her but I’m mad I’m so mad that Iv choose to have another baby and now I’ll never sleep again ! When my son has been pretty damn perfect and now this !, my OH takes her every second night into the spare room but I can still hear her whiny little cry to be fair he’s trying his best but I just dragged him out of bed their because I couldn’t cope he got her to sleep then as soon as he left the room she woke up again I don’t want to hurt her but I want to hurt myself I’m already on anti depression and see a mental health nurser once. A week as I have ptsd from before I was pregnant with her , I can’t even get a rest from her as she HATES everyone ! My MIL and FIL are wonderful with my son and have bounded with him from the day he was born , but they just can’t with her every time either of them try’s to hold her she screams the place down if they even look at her she’ll start , they won’t even offer to take her because last time they tried she screamed from the minute I pulled out the drive way untill the minute I got home , and I believe them because that’s the type of baby she is! Same as when we are in a super market or play group when people used to talk to my son at that age all he would do was laugh and smile and everyone would comment on how beautiful and happy he was , but as soon as someone looks at her or try’s to talk to her she loses her shit and people hurry off so not only am I tired AF but I’m lonely because none of the mums at baby classes etc want anything to do with us because all she does is whine and cry and ps I’m totally aware that Baby’s cry and whine but not like this she spends 80% of her awake time crying (she’s on reflux meds and she’s dairy and soya free) all the same as my son so I know how to deal with it and that’s not what’s making her cry

I hate this

Does that mean I hate her ?

I’m sorry for even putting this msg out there I’m just so sad and I’m so tired and I want more than anything just to love her the way she deserves to be loved ! I had a rocky patch with my partner and now he’s the most caring loving father I actually envy him she just adores him but I honestly thinks she hates me

No you don't hate her. You are just very tired and drained. Honestly my daughter was literally the same and I thought i hated her too, but honestly I just needed help but with babies like these, they always prefer mum so its hard to get help. Try to make her nap according to her awake window and put some white noise on and just try to help her build good sleeping habits.

You are doing great, it just feels rubbish right now, but it will pass.

You don't hate her ; you're exhausted. I remember the pain well and my son is 33 ! I only had the one.
There will be lots of brilliant advice coming along for you regarding sleep. I can't remember what I did ( mine never slept), but pp is right, it will pass.
You're doing great - one step at a time.
Sending love and I know it will get better.

@wajiha25 thank you so much for reply I’m just sitting sobbing As my partner try’s to get her back to sleep again does it get better ?

I don’t want him to start to resent me because I can’t cope I’m disabled as well so I take pain killers to help me sleep so if they where off then I’m stuck as can’t take any more untill the morning so even when I do get her to sleep I just lay there awake in pain for hours not that that’s her fault

@Amdone123 thanks so much for such a kind reassuring msg ! I honestly do appreciate the support and just feeling listened too is lifting such a heavy weight off my chest

Oh op, you don't hate her. Those are normal feelings/ thoughts that we all have when exhausted. What you need is a few hours of uninterrupted sleep.
I'm in the same boat with a toddler who's always been sooo good & a newborn who won't settle unless I'm there awake. The minute my eyes close ... he wakes 😂

It does get better. But she is still a challenge, she is 4 now and each year had its own sets if challenges.
Your partner won't resent you.
She may be going through sleep regression. Just take care of yourself first. If you are well cared for you will automatically provide better care for your children.

Of course you don't hate her, you just hate being sleep deprived.
Sleep deprivation is a war crime it is so bad.

My dc are teens but I remember the hell of the first few months. Some dc are happy easy babies and some are hard work.

It will get easier as she gets older. It isn't you or your parenting it is just random.

I never managed the sleep while they are sleeping thing. It will get better with time.

God it sounds so tough for you just now. This won't last forever and you're doing what you can. I would try and ensure she isn't massively overtired, which could be causing lots of waking at night. I would focus on day time sleep and at 5 months babies should be napping around every 2 hours throughout the day. I would do anything I could (hold/sling/white noise) to make sure she's napping regardless of how long she naps for. As soon as she's awake, start the 2 hour countdown. Increase this time to 2.5 hours when she's 6 months. Hopefully sleep will breed sleep and if she starts sleeping a little more during the day then the night wakings will improve. You might then want to start allowing her to fall asleep independently, (but this would be much more difficult if she's overtired). If that doesn't help I'd be back at the GP to see if the reflux meds are doing what they need to be.
Could you get ear plugs or play white noise on your phone on the nights she's with your oh? Anything that gets you some interrupted sleep.
You've got it so tough, please give yourself a break and just do whatever you need to do to get through it.

Sorry you're going through this, OP. Sounds like you have a high-needs baby. My first was like this.

Could your husband co-sleep with her on a separate mattress on the floor?

Maybe shes allergic to something. Milk...etc. we did have a similar child in our family. Until taken to g p at 3years old, was put on MelatonIn at night, found to be Autistic. Sleeps all night now, at 4 years old. No longer needs Melatonin.

No, you don't hate your child. You have and will somehow manage to do so much for your child that you wouldn't do for anybody else's kid and that takes a mother's love.

I had similar with my children: one difficult sleeper and one that was easy. My DS was a terrible sleeper. It was exhausting and relentless so everything felt harder to cope with and I was worried that we hadn't bonded. We found out that my DS had eczema and was very windy which was part of the reason he couldn't sleep. So, maybe ask your GP/pharmacist for advice and check if your little one has any medical conditions.

He then also suddenly became the most amazing sleeper at about age 2 for no apparent reason! I would never have imagined when he was a baby that he would fall asleep literally as his head hits the pillow but he does now!