4 month sleep regression - please help

[Whywontitname]

I really need some help/advice on the sleep regression please. It’s ruining my life at the moment, I’m just sat crying again because I’ve not been able to go to sleep yet.

Baby is 21 weeks, it’s been going on for about 4 weeks but particularly bad the past two, he wakes every 40-50 min then needs settling. Repeat all night. The last week I’ve not even been able to put him down, he just shuffles and wakes up within 10 min of being down. I can’t get any sleep unless my partner has him a while but he’s working so needs something.

Baby is EBF, has expressed milk also. He’s not waking to feed he’s just waking up, he’s tired and will fall asleep within moments of rocking/shushing but just won’t stay asleep! Or be put down at the moment. I’ve tried having him in bed with me, makes no difference.

I’m honestly at my wits end. Is there anything I can do? I’ve got the white noise, blackout etc, all my time is spent reading about how to help him sleep. I’m miserable and feel like I can’t see the end, it’s making me never want anymore children and to be honest at the moment I really hate my life.

Just need some help please I’m on the edge.

no advice I'm afraid, but a bit of solidarity. My first post on here was almost identical, 4 month sleep regression was killing me. I just persevered, tried to stay sane and we got through it. She's 16 soon and it's still one of the phases that haunts me! Keep going, get any sleep whenever you can, if anyone will take him for a couple of hours even for a walk around the streets, do not try and be supermum, accept any help available.

I can very much relate. My second and third both did this. I remember going out and hating the general public because they slept. I had so much upset towards people I didn't even know. It lasted for us about 4/5 weeks.

My second stopped doing it when we coslept one night and then the following night went into her own room. She slept 6 hours straight that night. I can't remember what happened with my third, but I too remember holding her for hours, putting her down and her waking after a few minutes. Far too often I fell asleep holding her.

One of the things I found most successful was the 5 S's by Dr Harvey Karp. He says you need to do all of these - suck, swing, swaddle, shhh and side (have them on their side in your arms) and if you do all of this then they will sleep. It's really only for newborns so I used to adapt it. Does your little one have a dummy? I didn't use one with my first and introduced them late with my others but honestly found they helped with sleep.

The only other thing I can say is sleep when they do. Not helpful when they don't sleep. Are they sleeping much in the day?

Thank you both for your kind replies! I think I’m just worried it’ll never end as that’s how it feels! We’ve come to my parents who are going to have him a bit so we can get some sleep.

It’s so hard, I’m also resenting people who have sleeping babies, or just get to sleep in general!

He’s not taking a dummy, are there any you could recommend? I tried mam ones,

He’s usually not too bad in the day, if he’s on me or in a moving pram so again no sleep to be found there! I’m just hoping it passes soon before I have a breakdown!

Nuk dummies worked for us… although it was at the 4 month sleep regression that dc1 said “yeh I’m done with this” and never took it again. Don’t think she got the memo!!

Still having all the same problems, still hating life, still won’t have a dummy. Had 40 min sleep so far tonight and baby has been up 7 times already.

Hi OP just to say it will end. It doesn't feel like it, but do you know any grown men who still wake their mums up every 40 mins

I know lots of people give advice about various things you can try but honestly I think they're often just distractions to make us feel like we're doing something and by the time we've gone through every single one the development leap has naturally ended!

It's called a regression for a reason, so think newborn aka behave like you have a newborn baby again. Forget everything your boy was doing before the leap started, what he liked and didn't etc and go right back to basics with the 5 Ss as suggested above.

@WTF475878237NC I can’t wait till he’s grown up!

It’s just really effecting everything, it’s been 6 weeks of it now and I’ve just read a thread where someone’s 6 month old is doing it still 😭 he’s 5 months old now, all I do is read about sleep! Not been able to sleep yet tonight as he’s been up every 40 mins tonight, just watched the clocks change.

I just don’t know how you’re meant to function, especially when he won’t nap in his bed in the day so I can’t even sleep then. It’s worse than newborn.

He goes back to sleep easily it’s just he won’t stay asleep

I get it I really do. Try not to compare and catastrophise as every baby is different. Your boy might have a sudden end to the leap tomorrow.

Have you been working through the 5 Ss and getting your partner to do shifts again (ie like when you had a newborn)?

It will pass. I always think they should teach people about the leaps in antenatal so more people are better prepared and discuss in advance with their partners what will we do in practical terms during this period. If you read through the only child board some people really do decide not to have a second because of how hard the first 18 months are and sleep deprivation is a big part of that for many people. It isn't unheard of for partners to even take some time off work so mums can sleep. Things need to be balanced out if you are hating your life.

Can you cosleep to get more rest? It’s the only way I survived this with mine until things naturally improved.

@WTF475878237NC My partners had to be away a lot recently so it’s been me alone or I’ve had to go to my parents but they’re working too so can only help for a few hours a night in the week. It’s just the constant all night every night no improvement. I really thought it would have got a bit better by now.

I’ve got the wonder weeks app but it started before the leap was due and he should have been out of it this week so I was hoping for at least a slight improvement!

If he has a high palette then he'd need a cherry dummy. One of mine didn't want a dummy so I played a game with her when I popped it in and out slowly to get her to want to hold onto it with her mouth. Took a while but she eventually took it.

If he's on you in the day then may I suggest a sling, then at least you can move around and feel more functional or sit without having to hold. That being said I'm wondering if you can work on putting him down in the day time, if he'd sleep better at night. If he's sleeping on you in the day then he expects to sleep on you at night. I do realise how impossible it is when they just won't. Somehow they just suddenly do and sometimes it takes work.

She is a terrible sleeper at night, taking ages to settle, waking up multiple times or waking up the second she’s put in her crib

What's your daytime sleep routine?

This sounds like chronic over tiredness and could be improved with significantly more daytime sleep.

Have you tried safe co-sleeping? It was the only way I got through the years of disturbed sleep with my twins.

@FATEdestiny I don’t think this is from my post, but his day sleep is alright but he won’t always go in his cot for naps so will sleep on me/in pram etc.

He must be tired from waking up all the time!

@Greenmarmalade
I’ve tried a few times in desperation but he doesn’t sleep any better, I also don’t really want to be having him in my bed or have him on boob all night. You must be Wonder Woman for twins, I’m not coping with one!