12 week old doing long sleep in early evening not middle of night

[notalwaysalondoner]

My 12 week old is doing pretty well at sleeping in my opinion, as he goes down while awake at 7-730pm every night then doesn’t wake until 130am or so. However then he wakes at 4am again and then again at 6am or so. He then sleeps on and off until about 8am. He’s also very noisy between 4-7am and sometimes sounds like he’s almost crying even though he’s still asleep, so I get very little sleep in this time.

I’d love for him to do a second long sleep after his 130am feed so I can get some proper sleep.

Because my husband only finishes work at 7pm I don’t want to go to bed at the same time as the baby, plus it’s good for my mental health to have a bit of “me time” in the evening while he sleeps. Is there any way to encourage him to sleep longer in the middle of the night without also compromising the long sleep in the evening?

I tried dream feeding at 10pm when I go to bed but he either doesn’t wake up enough to feed properly or wakes up at 1-2am anyway. To be fair I’ve only tried it a couple of times for a couple of days, not consistently - do people think it would help? What I don’t want is to fully change his bed time to 10pm as I do really value the evening time and would rather wake in the night than have him fussy and awake all evening.

So I’d love to hear from people who didn’t do dream feeds before their own bed time, how did you get your baby to do a second long stretch? Or for those who didn’t find dream feeds worked at first, how long did you have to persevere before your baby adjusted and did a long sleep after?

I’m mostly breastfeeding although DH gives the baby a bottle of expressed milk at the 130am feed a couple of times a week.

How's the day time sleep?

It's largely universal that the longest sleep you get from baby is the first part of their night sleep. This is just due to natural circadian rhythms, so it's biological and something that is generally just accepted.

Better would be to accept the longer first stretch and work at independent settling for when the (inevitable) wake ups happen in the second half of the night.

His daytime sleeps are quite short unless he’s in the sling or so the car - he naps 4-5 times a day after being awake for 1.5-2 hours. These naps are only 30-45 minutes if he’s in the pram, bouncy chair, swing and up to 2-3 hours if he’s in the sling or car. It doesn’t seem to have a massive impact on his night sleep if he’s had a long nap that day or not though.

I decided a while back to just try and accept it but it’s hard when I’m so tired from his night wakings. I do think I need to be more disciplined about not feeding him when he wakes but letting him settle first, it’s just so tempting to feed him to get him to quieten down once he’s woken me up. I’m considering moving him into his own room early so then I would only hear him when he’s really awake, not just stirring.

Hi OP,
Your DS sounds exactly like my first. He went down like a dream at 7-7:30pm, did a really long stretch then but then woke around 1am and didn’t do a longer stretch so was awake at 4, 5 and usually up for day at 6am.
Like you, I was grateful for the long stretch in the evening as I had some time to myself but the night wakings were torture.
Also like you I tried the dream feed at 10pm, for weeks DH either tried to wake DS for a bottle expressed milk or attempted a dream feed but jr made no difference at all.
For us, his sleep steadily got worse from 6- 9 months but then finally we got into a solid 2 naps a day of 1.5 hours before and after lunch and a more predictable night sleep routine followed.
I wish I could be more help with practical help but my experience was just time.

So if LO is sleeping 30-45 mins, they stay up to 2 hours before going back to sleep?

Yes @Fancyties, exactly. He falls asleep relatively easily for naps but doesn’t stay asleep longer unless he’s in a sling or the car. He’s not really in a routine yet in the daytime, I more go off how long he’s been awake since the last nap.

Instead of doing a dream feed at 10, turn the lights on, change his nappy and wake him up for a full feed. Then straight back down to bed.

That's what a sleep consultant told me. Sounds absolutely insane and counter productive but it worked a charm for us. It resets their night essentially.

Thanks @zippityzip, think I might try it as I have noticed the couple of times we’ve had to wake him fully or put him to bed later (going to A and E; coming home from a party) he’s reset his night despite being put down earlier. Think I’ll try that next week!

To get a bit more text yourself could you nap 7-9pm and then have a couple of hours with your DH before going to bed again? At least then you are getting a bit more rest.

Rest not text!

Remember the clocks change in a couple of weeks so the times will be altered anyway. Mine are teens now but I still remember the upheaval.

You've described my DD exactly. She's 10 weeks and currently awake in her snuz pod. Her waking after her 1am feed has gotten worse over the last couple of weeks and she doesn't settle without dummy and even then only for 1 sleep cycle. Bed sharing does settle her that's what I end up doing around 5 or 6 am after being awake for 4 hours. I tend to sleep between 9 and 1am then again from 7.30 to 10am. I'm lucky that my OH works from home so takes DD for an early walk and she's content next to him in her chair until I get up.

But this isn't sustainable and I'm losing the will to live with this split sleep. I don't like bed sharing but it does settle her eventually.