Husband can’t get baby to sleep - advice

[maloney123]

Hello, just wondering if anyone has any advice on this. I generally do bedtime and night feeds but my husband has offered to start helping as I’m so tired and he’s off work at the moment. To get baby to sleep I will bottle feed her until she doses off, then put her down asleep. I do the same on her night feed. My husband for some reason is completely unable to put her down without her waking up, which causes him to get stressed which then stressed me out and makes the whole idea of him helping out totally backfire. Baby won’t self settle and she’s only 4 months so we’re not prepared to leave her crying just yet. Any suggestions?

Firstly I would watch how he puts her down to see if there is anything blindly obvious as to why you can do it and he can't.

Secondly, stop rescuing him. If you keep taking over he will never learn to do this. Babies cry, she is not in pain just a bit upset. He needs to calm down and understand babies cry and yes it makes him stressed, it is meant to because we are programmed to respond to those cries and make them stop.

If she wakes back up, pick her up and comfort her until she stops crying whereby you have met whatever need she had and lay her back down again. What do you usually do if she is a little unsettled but well fed? 4 months is sleep regression territory too so it may just be coincidence.

They both have to practice together so they're both used to it. Tell him that your here to help if he needs it but not to give up and worry that she's waking up. You also need to stay out of the way whilst he tries so he doesn't feel like your watching him if you get me. Babies love their routine so if she's used to you doing it she'll just feel more settled with you but there's no reason why she can't also get used to dads way of doing it. Let him practice as it's nice he's offered plus will allow you in time to make plans in the evening, say tea with friends as he can do bedtime xx

Sounds horrible but I would go out when lo is going bed 🤦🏼‍♀️ I do feel your pain. I have put my LO to bed since she was pretty much born. My Oh hasnt done it, as I must admit I like doing it. I did all night feeds too 🤦🏼‍♀️I would stop rescuing your oh.

On the very rare occasion he has put lo to bed I been downstairs earphones in watching a show or making phone call 🤣

He isn't "helping you out" he's looking after his own child as he should .y ex never managed to do anything for his son properly because he didn't see hi. As his own child. Just as mine that he occasionally tolerated. The mindset of this is my baby and I have responsibility for ot helps greatly. If you were in hospital sick he would have to manage.

Is he asking for your help?

Are you worried about him 'getting stressed'?

Yeah, get some ear defenders and sleep on the couch while he gets the hang of it.

I used to leave the house and go for a run or something so I didn't feel guilty (no need, it's his child too) and then try to help. My DH also didn't want helping, he wanted to figure it out with them and have that relationship too. You've had 4 months to get used to it so he just needs more time to figure it out.

Thanks so much everyone, that’s really helpful. Funnily enough I left him to it last night and he managed to get her down himself in the end!!

Hi. Just wondering if this got any better for you and did it involve a lot of crying/upset?

I'm in a similar situation at the moment with my 6 month old. She's always settled for her Dad and he loves doing bed time but it's gradually over the last month been getting worse to the point where she will now only settle for me or more specifically my boobs. Gone are the days where my partner did most of the night time settling. He's quite upset about the whole thing thinking she doesn't love him as much anymore haha and I'm obviously keen to get back to sharing the load! Any tips?