Help. Sleep deprivation.

[Vtiredmum]

Hi everyone. I’ve not used mumsnet before but I desperately need some help or support or words of wisdom I guess.

My daughter just turned 5 months - between months 2(ish) - 4 she regularly slept though the night. Then the 4 month sleep regression hit & it hasn’t ended.

At night she now only sleeps for 20 - maybe 30 minutes at a push. In the early evening my partner will try to settle her but as he works, after he goes to bed it’s up to me. As I’m breastfeeding this normally means giving her some milk. To say I’m exhausted is an understatement - I’m so run down my mouth is full of ulcers. She will now only nap in the day whilst on the move so I don’t get to rest when she does. I feel like a zombie - I walked around my neighbourhood with her today sobbing behind my sunglasses. I just can’t continue like this. I feel so low. I’m already on antidepressants. It’s been 6 weeks of this so far and I honestly don’t know how I’ll be in a week if this continues. I really don’t have much family support to depend upon or ask for help.

She is breastfed but reluctantly takes a bottle before bed. We hoped this would fill her up but it doesn’t seem to. She also gets awful trapped wind after the bottle so I wonder if I should change to another make. She currently has HIPP organic.

I also have a 3.5 year old and although she goes to nursery most days I feel guilty I can’t give her the attention or engagement she needs because I’m so exhausted.

I’m sure there’s no obvious answer or solution but at this point I will try anything.

Thank you.

I’m so sorry, you sound run off your feet. I have a 6 month old whose always resisted sleep so I do know how you feel.

I think it’s the issue that she’s fed to sleep so whatever you’re doing to help get her down she now needs every time she wakes at the end of a sleep cycle which is only 30 mins.

It’s going to be really hard in the short term but she needs to get used to being put down and getting off to sleep herself.

Awful situation, it's really awful I know.

What happens when she wakes up? How do you get her back off to sleep?

Do you have a sense of what's waking her? 30 mins repeatedly is quite unusual.

When she wakes she cries out. (Pre 4 months she would settle herself back to sleep). My partner will either wind her legs or jig her legs which sometimes gets her back to sleep, or I’ll give her a breast feed. She’s actually wide awake now grizzling and has been for about 45 mins. My partner said he’ll stay up with her until 12 and then we swap. I should be sleeping but I think I’m so over tired my brain is wired.

I’m really not sure what wakes her consistently - sometimes it’s definitely trapped wind. Other times I don’t know 🤷🏻‍♀️ We play white noise which used to help but now I’m not sure it makes any difference.

Thank you for replying by the way. X

A dummy might be a better idea, rather than breastfeeding every half an hour.

In the daytime with regard to only sleeping on the move - try a bouncy chair. Sit on the sofa and use your foot to keep the bouncing going.

If you want to carry on bf, could you co-sleep? It saved my sanity with mine.
Also is she teething, maybe?

Definitely give her a dummy if you haven't already. Literally, I would not have survived without them and I really don't know why they get such a bad rap, they're so soothing for babies especially if they have digestive problems.

Cosleep. Also essential. Look up safe cosleeping.

Could she have reflux problems? See the doctor, don't be fobbed off.

Thank you @FATEdestiny and @ReturntoSpamfritters - your replies have helped my sanity.

So I’ve tried a dummy multiple times but she just seems to gag on it and then spit it out. But I will try the bouncy chair tomorrow and see if it helps at all. I don’t understand how she isn’t tired when she’s sleeping so little and with clearly little quality of sleep. She’s wide awake now.

I was planning on BF’ing until she starts weaning - I do co-sleep with her from 12 when I swap with my partner however it doesn’t seem to stop the wake ups anymore? She’s definitely teething and has been for a while, I give her calpol if it’s really bad but otherwise I use the ashtons powders.

I just wish I could stop or change whatever it is that’s causing the wake ups.

That sounds so tough, really hope you are ok. It’s great your OH took her til midnight, can you make that a regular fixture and get to bed early? Appreciate he’s working but so are you, 24/7 currently, and the only way to survive that kind of sleep deprivation is to share the load. I know it’s not for everyone but when you get to 6 months if it hasn’t improved with the good suggestions from PPs there is always sleep training. We never had it quite as bad as you but we went from hourly wake ups to once or twice a night using Lucy Wolfe’s method. Good luck and big sympathies, it’s so so hard and you’re doing so well x

Been there including the mouth ulcers with my 4 month old. In our case my toddler kept bringing home the nursery bugs and the baby kept getting ill. That resulted in a habit of frequent waking. (We also had latching problems earlier on which can cause tummy pain, so I'd suggest getting that checked out if in any doubt).

We were the same as you with waking every half hour. I was pretty sure there was no real reason, no current illness etc. I decided to try some very gentle sleep training and it made an amazing difference even within 24 hours. Basically I fed him then just put him on his back in his cot and soothed him intermittently till he went to sleep. I stayed sitting by the cot and although he did grizzle and moan the longest I left him actually crying was 3 seconds. After about 10 mins he went to sleep. I could not believe it - it often used to take half an hour with intermittent crying to feed him to sleep! That night he woke only 5 times and needed 4 feeds. And we didn't have to cosleep until 2 am. Since then he has gone to sleep more easily in the day as well as the night. On the second night we were down to 4 wakes of which 3 were feeds and then 3 wake ups only 3 days later. He also wakes less upset - a gentle sleepy cry instead of screaming. Plus haven't needed to change nappies in the night after night 2. I can see that he's learned a new sleeping habit really quickly and that constantly feeding him or cuddling him was not what he needed - he just needed to sleep and be given the chance to learn how to get himself to sleep.

Hey @Vtiredmum I am in a v similar position. Hugs to you. My daughter is 6 months today. 5weeks-4months slept like a dream. Since the 4 month sleep regression constant night wakings every hour, with periods of every 15 mins. Co sleeping makes it worse I think she smells my milk. Same as you my partner works and has to drive so making him sleep deprived too doesn't help. But currently we have swapped sides of the bed so she can't smell me,she is in a sidecar cot next to my partner. It helps but she still doesn't sleep for longer than 2.5 hours, more often 30 mins or an hour. He passes her to me to feed back to sleep and she goes off quickly. We tried a separate room which didn't work.

I just want to know how to help her to link up sleep cycles. Is the only way to do it to teach her to self settle and get to sleep without our help? How do I do that (with no cry it out)?I have read loads but am more confused than when I started.

I just wanted to say your situation is so similar to mine. I have a 6 month old who either refuses naps or only takes 20/30 min ones and then is up constantly through the night and I have a 3.5 year old. It's bloody hard work! Made even harder by the fact they both currently have colds. I've been in tears all day and at 4am this morning when my DD2 just would not settle back to sleep even though I knew she was exhausted. I feel like I'm being tortured everyday and my life revolves around sleep! I really feel for you and sorry I can't offer advice just know that you aren't alone.

I had a similar situation with my son, and all of the above advice is spot on in my opinion.

During that period I was so tired that I looked into ways I could understand and manage my sleep deprivation so that I could give more to the situation. The blog below really helped me manage my sleep dep.

www.pareful.com/2022/02/01/no-youre-not-losing-your-mind-youre-sleep-deprived

Eventually we had to just leave my son if we knew nothing was wrong and he ended up sleeping through again. It was tough at times with the crying, but for us worth it in the long run.

Couldn't read this and run...I was in exactly the same situation with 30 minute wake ups all night for 8 weeks in addition to all day time naps being on the move. It was absolutely killing me. We ended up getting a sleep consultant and did some sleep training at 7 months. It was absolutely life changing! I agree with others that the feeding back to sleep each time is probably the issue, so would be worth trying to get LO to settle in the cot even if this is painful! Good luck and sending lots of good sleepy vibes your way