Older kids sleep

[ilkleymoorbartat]

My kids (7 and 5) still want to be cuddled to sleep. This can take up to 55 mins or an hour. Please help, they cry if we don't. I know it sounds ridiculous! I want to cuddle them if it was 30 mins or something, but this is ridiculous.

Any tips? Do we just need to tell them no more?

Yes, just tell them no more. And stick to it.

You could make the change gradually - sit by their bed and hold hand ratger than cuddle. Or just bite the bullet and go to independent settling in one go, repeatedly returning back to bed.

I think the pro to this is that they're of an age where you can explain why you're not cuddling to sleep anymore and they will be able to grasp the concept. Not like they're 6 months old crying, genuinely confused as to why you're not going to them.

I think even 30 mins is a bit excessive especially at the age of 7. Is it just you they want to cuddle to sleep with? What do they do when you're not there?

They just take agggggeeees to go sleep. Even if they're exhausted. It doesn't matter if they go to bed at 7.30 or 8.30. They just want to be held. My daughter in particular just messes around. Kicking the wall, singing songs, making up various complaints. We could keep her up a bit longer, but then she would end up going to sleep at about 9 which is just too late at 5 years old (plus I need to work once they've gone to bed).

They're old enough for a reward chart. Have a couple of things they'll get easily (like having a wash, brushing teeth, listening to a story) then have stay in bed after you've said good night. If they get to the end of the week with all their stickers they get a treat (anything in your price range, magazine, new pencil etc).

Praise loads (even the easy stuff). Stick to your boundaries about getting a tick on each task. Oh dear how said I had to sit with you I really wanted you to get your sticker etc.

We did this after dh messed up the bedtime routine after I had dc 3.

Honestly my kids would sell a kidney to get a reward from a reward chart if they had a chance 😳

After it's worked for a while we told them we had to give them to some toddlers we knew (we didn't really) as they were such big kids they didn't need it any more.

Also we gave them the sticker for staying in bed even if they were awake. As long as they were in bed, generally quiet, not bothering anyone they got it. After a couple of nights of trying the stay up and read or talk to their teddy they generally fall asleep within about 15 mins now 😅

I know a few parents who still lay with their children to sleep and they are older than 7 even so you are not alone.
I think it’s time to get a little tougher though as clearly it’s having more of an impact on you and they are old enough to reason and understand.
I would explain why you need to stop this as they are bigger kids now. Reduce the time to a shorter cuddle/ story They won’t be asleep when you leave but you need to introduce praise and rewards (as op said reward charts with a reward ie toy or treat for settling themselves . You can look up ways to get to sleep but I always told line to think of all the nice things they have done that day (I gave some examples) and then explained how to relax the body from the feet upwards focussing on one body part at a time, letting each part sink into the mattress and really relax that part. Then move to the next part.
We also do light scratch backs where we gently rubbed and lightly scratched their back all over whilst they lay on their front or their arms. It really helps them to relax

Have a routine in place

Try the gradual retreat method

Use the sleepypaws story (Moshi) - knocks them right out

Right now they're in control. Take it back. Routine is the KEY. Once they know what's coming it'll be much easier.

Good luck