14mo needing multiple bottles throughout the night

[Whowhatwhenwherewhy]

I’m at my wits end!!
Our son is 14 months. Bf until 1y then moved onto formula.
We put him in his cot in our bedroom with bottle at about 8.30. He falls asleep. He then wakes again at about 10 ish sometimes earlier. We give him a bottle and he may or may not settle back down. If he doesn’t he usually ends up coming in our bed with a bottle. He will then wake another 2 times in the night and only settle with a bottle.
I have another child and know he doesn’t need this milk at night but I have no clue what to do. Patting / rocking doesn’t work he just flings himself about and arches his back. Stands up in the cot and won’t lie down. There’s no option for him to go in another room!
I don’t want him drinking all these bottles at night or sleeping in our bed. I’m so tempted to leave him to cry so he learns to settle alone. I’ve tried the Ferber / gradual retreat method and he just gets more hyped up when he can see me/ when I return to the room. My worry is also that we could use cio initially at bedtime but what do we do when he’s screaming at 11, 2, 4? Just lie there? I know I’ll be so tired and drained from no sleep that I’ll end up bringing him in with us and ruin everything. I actually see no way out. I have work at 8 3x a week.

It feels like a horrible circus of madness at bedtime. HELP!!!!

Honestly? I'd go cold turkey with the bottle, switch to cups during the day and be done with them. It'll be hell for the first couple of nights but he'll get through it and it'll only get more difficult for you (and worse for him, health wise) as he gets older. You could stay with him and quietly soothe (e.g. singing) without actually getting up to him, if you don't feel like CIO,

I think I may have to. It’s just so bloody stressful for everyone!
Sometimes my partner and I differ in views too which doesn’t help. We start off on the same page but then when tired, grumpy and sleep deprived we end up bickering about whether to leave him, pick him up, give him milk etc.
He certainly eats a good diet so I’m not worried He’s hungry in the slightest. I just feel bad for taking his sleep crutch away.
Would you suggest just putting him down and sitting quietly in the room? And let him get on with it?

And also thanks for replying at such a horrible hour! The result of getting up to make milk is im fully awake 😩

We did Dr Jay Gordon method with DC2 at similar age, although was bfed. Just gave cuddles and water. First two nights were awful, night 3 to 5 better, then never had milk in the night again! Sleep was still an issue but DC2 didn’t cry for milk.

First two nights we took shifts, and did it when we were off work.

Yes you and your partner might need to tag team, and even potentially sleep in different rooms for a few nights. You could do shifts between you or allocate nights to each other. I reckon you can crack this in under a week. It’s going to have to be cold turkey on the bottle, I would do controlled crying for the waking.
Good luck!

Thanks!! I really don’t know how it got so bad.

I don't understand. Are you saying he's bottle feeding for comfort and not hunger? Could it be that coming in your bed is the association that needs breaking (if you want to)? Personally I never assume anything based on what was right for or with another baby.

I recommend really gradually reducing the length of the feeds in the night over the next week or two. It is much kinder to your baby.

My app says it is a huge developmental period so you and your little one haven't done anything wrong

It sounds like he needs the bottle to fall asleep to, rather than needing the milk.

Cold Turkey with the bottle or swap to dummies.

Yes I agree. Go cold turkey, have a few awful nights and be consistent, don't give in. Too much milk at this age can decrease their iron intake too, so best to reduce the milk to less than 500ml per day. Good luck, they start to get so strong willed at this age

Yes. It’s definitely for comfort. I am not comparing the children I just mean that I know from experience at this age they do not need that amount of calories from milk. I think he associates both with sleep but will fall asleep in cot with bottle but wouldn’t fall asleep In our bed without. We’ve just got into some bad habits. Partly for ease, partly because until 1 he bf for comfort so it felt like a compromise or progress.

I wish he would take a dummy but he won’t. I do suspect he has high sucking needs but unless he takes a dummy not much I can do as I’m not carrying on with the bottle madness at night.

Just stop feeding. That’s what I did. Cuddles instead. They need to learn to sleep without it.

Agree, just stop offering milk during the night. He is associating milk with falling asleep. So I'd start by taking the bottle out of the bedtime routine entirely and away from any naps too. Offer a bedtime snack and cup of milk downstairs (for you own peace of mind that he isn't hungry). Then let him work on falling asleep himself. CIO isn't for everyone but there are many methods so pick one and, above all, stick to it. Pretty much all sleep training involves a bit of crying unfortunately. Not fun for anyone but definitely worth it for baby to be well rested (and you too of course). Consistency will bring results the most quickly.