2 hour bedtimes!

[owmn]

Apologies if this is a bit of a waffle!

My dd is almost 3 and has always been a good sleeper, by and large, however after being her primary carer for 2 years and then working from home for 8 months, I’ve now started working from the office 2/3 days a week and it’s (at least I suspect it’s this!) is making bedtime really difficult.

She’s always had a great bedtime routine, and I’m usually the one to put her to bed, but she’ll happily have dad do it during the day/if I’m away in the evening etc.

However, as of the last few weeks, when it’s both myself and my partner at home and it’s time to go to bed, she’s very reluctant to get get ready, and then to let me leave her in bed. Wants lots of cuddles etc.

Whereas that would previously take the form of me wanting to hold her hand in bed for a bit longer/tell me when it’s ‘time’ for me to say goodnight, in the past few days she’s now started really delaying by asking me to tuck her in and then immediately sitting up then asking again, asking me to hold her hand and then hiding it, suddenly having something to tell me when I get to the door etc.

When I eventually am able to say goodnight and leave her bedroom, she calls for me on the monitor, needs a wee, wants to be tucked back up etc.

I’m doing all I can think of without actually sitting there until she goes to sleep (she generally struggles to get to sleep when I sit there with her as she wants to chat etc) in that I spend as much focused time with her as I can when I get home from being in the office, and as soon as I finish work at home. Her bedtime routine is the same it’s always been, I reassure her that I’m only downstairs, I’ll come and give her a kiss when she’s sleeping, being gentle but firm if I’ve been back in to see her a couple of time if she’s upset.

But I’m finding it tough that I feel like I’m leaving her every night when she wants me. On top of the fact I still feel guilty for working full time now

All in all, bedtime took about 2 hours tonight, so anuthing glaring I’m doing wrong? Any tips? Any handholds?

I think it's a phase. Sounds like she needs some extra reassurance right now, maybe because of the changes of you going to work.

I'd give her the extra reassurance she needs, by staying with her and maybe hand on chest, for while she needs it

Thanks so much for your answer @FATEdestiny, I think you’re right regarding work being the issue. I do think it’s simply separation anxiety.

Unfortunately, after making some changes and seeing some improvement, we’re now back in the same situation.

Over Christmas has been great and we’ve really noticed a difference in her at bedtime one she realised I was consistently here in the morning and during the day as I wasn’t working. Since I’ve been back at work (even though not in the office, I can tell this has been her immediate association), the last few days have escalated to tonight where she was just hysterical even whilst I was in the room with her.

It’s breaking my heart and I’m really struggling, especially as I know I’ll be returning to working in the office soon and so won’t even be able to offer her the reassurance of being the one to get her up in the morning.

For context, she has a soft light on (red or colour changing), white noise, and a bedtime story she listens to from my headspace app once in bed. She has her favourite soft toy (we recently tried a new one as well specifically to ease bedtime that worked but only for a few days), and her bedtime routine hasn’t changed (supper, milk, book, PJs, teeth), so any advice would be so appreciated!