2.5 year old never slept through

[Mh16c]

Hi everyone,

I really need some advice from other parents!! My son has never slept through the night, he is still breastfed and I know this is the reason he sleeps so bad. However, what I need help with is knowing what to tackle first?
We have bed shared since he was born as was the only way he would sleep. When he got bigger the bed became too small for myself, husband and my son. So we decided to buy a double mattress and put that on his bedroom floor, this is where I end up sleeping with him every night. He is fed to sleep, i have tried everything to get him to get him to stop, but I just cannot take the tears. He doesn’t give in, gets himself so hysterical he’s sick and that’s without me even leaving his side. We paid for a sleep consultant, did everything they told us but it actually ended up making things worse and I feel like is now why he gets so hysterical. He wakes every hour all night long from the moment he goes down, won’t sleep unless latched on. I find myself getting so frustrated with him but remember this is probably all my doing as he’s never known any different.
We have been offered a really nice single house bed from my sister and considering trying the whole “this is your big kid room now” and we take the double mattress away and kind of try to enforce it. I’m just really worried that I don’t know how I’m even going to get him in there in the first place, how to stop him needing milk all night long. If the nights continue as they are and he’s in a single bed I can’t even try to sleep in with him and I think I would probably die of sleep deprivation lol. I already barely get any sleep as it is.
He’s happy during the day, I’m not concerned there is anything wrong with him. Just his sleep and his attachment to me and milk.

Any advice please. Anyone else in this situation or has been, what did you do? Should I stop breastfeeding first and then try the big kid room. I don’t know I’m at such a loss!

Thank you :)

Do you have a partner or husband? I'd put him on night shift with the toddler for a week. It'll be rough but at least he will be comforted by a parent and milk isn't available

Sleep is Developmental, they'll get there in their own time, in the meantime I'd do anything you can to maximise sleep so I'd def be keeping the double mattress, and breastmilk is naturally full of sleepy hormones.

My son is much younger than yours so I'm no expert but I have a mum friend who also has an older dd. She slept on the floor of her daughters room and the lo would hop down through the night for feeds. She told me she fell apart with exhaustion when her dd was about 2.5 and they had a story about how milk was tired and had to sleep during the night. They put a sun and a moon on the wall so it was clear if milk was asleep. I think there were tears at first but she just held her and stayed in her room. She thinks it worked because her daughter was able to understand what was going on as she was fairly verbal at this point.

She kept breastfeeding until 3 or so but not in the night. I believe it stopped the night waking and she moved out of her dd's room.

The usual age to move from cot yo bed is around 3rd birthday. I'd consider 2.5 a bit young for independant sleep in a bed and especially given that you're coming from a place of bed sharing, he may be more emotionally ready at his 4th Birthday rather than 3rd.

Therefore my first suggestion is to wait.

By the preschool age (3-5y) his emotional development will mature and he will be better able to rationalise and understand the change.

You're so close to that age now, that making the change before he has the emotional intelligence seems like a lot of distress for the sake of 6 months.

Thank you everyone for your suggestions. I would love to just stick it out how we are but I am just exhausted. The cuddles are amazing but being tugged about all night long for milk just means We both get less and less sleep. Well stay with the mattress on the floor for now I think and pray we can night wean. I do agree he’s probably not developmentally ready yet to be alone, which I’m fine with. Just maybe the milk needs to end. Who knows anymore 😫
LGBirmingham - the whole milk has gone to sleep sounds like an amazing idea. I actually just tried this during his nap time when he woke up and it worked! Couldnt believe it ❤️

That's interesting you're finding it works too. Will you be trying it at night too? I'd love to know how you get on.

We're a long way off night weaning, ds is 9 months, but I suspect it might be something we do in the future. But even so it would be well after his first birthday.

Yes definitely! I tried it last night and he actually only woke 3 times! It’s crazy to even comprehend it might work but so far looking good. There also wasn’t one tear, whinging but no crying. I just think at his age perhaps he’s more understanding now.
I so desperately tried to keep going for him until he weaned himself, but if no one is getting any sleep it’s not good for anyone and I feel 2.5 years of no sleep is a good effort 😂 . I hope things improve with your son at night time, sleep deprivation is a killer. You’ll know when you’re ready to try it, even if it gets to that point. Hopefully he’ll decide to do it himself, it’s so much easier on their terms lol

It is possible, although not fast to night wean without upset, and without sending dad in for a week, and to keep bedsharing while you do so. I did. It was lots of talking about it, gentle suggestion and play it by ear/ depending on the night.
And perfectly possible to not bother getting him in a cot (that would surely now be a retrograde step).
DS has been sleeping independently in a low to the floor and more recently perfectly average single bed since about the age yours is now- there was still room to join him, he doesn't get out and come wandering through, very rarely does he fall out and very rarely does he now need us overnight at all.

That's significant progress isn't it! Do you feel a lot better now? I'd love to hear how it goes over the next week if you have time.

I’ve just weaned my 2.5yr okd DS who fed to sleep every night then ended up in my bed from about 3am, when he’d feed, and often fed at 5 and 7am too. He now sleeps through the night in his own bed and we use a sheep grow clock. It took two weeks but he adapted amazingly and only cried a few times for a few minutes.

We used a sleep consultant too. While I was massively cynical we did exactly what she said and it worked. It was a gentle but firm move the chair approach, with sleep clock, strict bedtime routine and stickers for sleeping all night in his own bed.

I’m about to have DS2 so it was completely amazing to have this work just before no 2 arrives.

What did your sleep consultant say?

LGBirmingham - of course I will let you know :) he just went down tonight without any fuss really. I think your suggestion may of just saved my life - thank you!

Nightmanagerfan - I am so pleased for you that you managed to get this sorted before baby no2 arrives. Perfect timing ❤️ Our sleep consultant was useless tbh, she did me a plan and it was more of a gentle approach. Which didn’t work, he fed to sleep but was then told to remove the boob just as he was drifting off, then the process would be to slowly put more time inbetween boob and him being laid down. However this just made him hysterical. We also did this around his 1st birthday, so possibly I think he was too young to fully understand why we were doing it. But for the £400 I spent I would never get another one, I am really pleased that they worked for you though! Clear to see a good consultant with my bad one 😂

That's interesting he's going down without the bedtime feed too. I think my friend kept that one. How is he getting to sleep? Have you seen any more improvement in number of wakes?

I could have written this post myself... No advice, just solidarity - you aren't alone!!!

There's a Facebook group in the UK for mums who are breastfeeding age 2+ only to help support with similar challenges if you can find it.