Baby sleeps better when husband not in the room

[KittenWithoutPortfolio]

My DD is 4 months old, EBF and sleeps in a next 2 me. Since she was born my DH sleeps some nights in our room and others in our spare room. The problem is is that she sleeps much better when it's just the two of us - goes down faster, only wakes once etc. When my husband is in with us I am up two or three times, and for longer. However, I don't really want to ask DH to sleep in the other room all the time; I miss him, plus the bed isn't as comfortable so he doesn't sleep as well.

Anyone else had a similar experience? Any thoughts on why this might be happening?

Hi there!

I am a sleep coach and there’s probably two things going on here. The 4 month sleep regression is down to your child now having 4 sleep cycles rather than 2. This means two more stages have been added to her sleep but that also means more opportunities for her to be in a lighter level of sleep which can lead to wake ups. I would suggest that when your husband is in the room there could be more noise or movement that is happening when she is in a lighter level of sleep.

@KittenWithoutPortfolio We had the same issue in our house OP - but it’s due to DHs snoring waking the baby 😓

Are you planning on having baby in your room long term? Or moving to her own room at about 6 months? I planned to move at 6 months but still don’t feel ready to move him yet (he’s 11 months 🤣) so I have his full size cot next to my bed 🤣🙈 DH sleeps furthest away from baby and we have white noise on which helps. My DH also works offshore and if I’m honest, DS resettles much quicker when DH is at work. If he wakes in the night and sees dad he thinks it’s playtime 😬

If you plan on moving her at 6 months or so then I’d just be honest with DH and ask him to sleep in the spare room - it’s only for a short period of time if she’s already 4months. Can you buy a mattress topper or something to make the bed more comfortable?

I found my baby slept better in her own room. From very early on. She just likes her own space. Still does, at 11 years old.

My Oh had to vacate. There's several reasons. He primarily couldn't sleep cause of the white noise, but when he did come in our room he snores and especially from 3am in lightest sleep for lo she would wake often. She slept better when it's just me. We just moved her in her own room and we get bedtime till 530am generally x

Personally, I would prioritise DH in with us. After out 2nd child (we have 4) we bought a super king sized bed, and always had a full sizes cot side-carred onto the side.

Reasons to stay in the "family bed"

• He's my favourite person in the world and I like cuddling him.
• He's on my side, we're a team. He may try to sleep through wake ups and mostly leave to me, but if I'm really struggling yes there to sense that and help on an ad-noc basis.
• He's a Dad as much as I'm a Mum
• He would understand the nuances of how to settle baby if he's never there to witness it
• All parents are tired with a baby. Not just Mums. Just like Mums learn coping strategies (like early bedtimes, naps when possible), so do Dads.

OP - if he doesn't sleep well in the spare room, then he gains nothing sleeping there. Just have him next to you, as a support if you have a bad night. Baby might sleep worse, but at 4 months old baby's slerp will change so significantly over the coming months that what's happening now makes no long term difference.