How do I get my baby out my bed?!

[JulieHanlon12]

So my wee boy is coming up 9 months next week. He's breastfed. His sleep has been awful since I can remember. The longest he's ever slept is 3 hours. He's in his own cot (lol!!) and goes to bed around 7-7.30. He's got better and can sleep for 2 hours before waking. Quick settle and back in cot. He falls asleep in my arms feeding him at bedtime. If he's slept well in the day he sleeps better. But last night we were up 6 times between 7 and half 11. I'm back at work this week and it's just soul destroying to literally have an hour of adult time at night. From about 11.30 ish he becomes tougher to settle and ends up in our bed. He definitely then sleeps better but still wakes maybe 3/4 times and I've just reverted to feeding him back to sleep. Part of me knows that whilst still feeding him a lot of this is hard to break. I genuinely wouldn't mind him in my bed but it's only a double and we don't have the space, my partner is waking stiff every morning and my backs not coping great either. Any suggestions or tips are welcome. Just can't believe he's 9m and hasn't slept more than 3 hours at a time!! Note, he is perfect through the day, happy healthy loves life and sleeps well if we're out in pram or in car.

That sounds really hard, sleep deprivation isnt good for you or him.

I think you need to stop feeding him back to sleep, and you probably need to stop co sleeping for that to happen. I think you are probably going to have three or four really rough nights of xrying to break the association,, but after that it will get better.

If you want to do it, you and your partner both need to be on the same page. Make some rules like
He will never come back into our bed
I will never feed him back to sleep
Or whatever works for you

Then wait fpr the weekend (you are both going to need to catch up on sleep during the day) and settle in for some controlled crying.

Put him down (awake but relaxed) in his cot at 7ish and immediately head out the door. When he cries, wait for 5 mins and then go in and pat him for 30 seconds. Do Not look him in the eye, do not say anything more than its time to sleep and do not turn the light on (use the hallway light). Then leave even if he is still crying. Wait 5 mins and repeat. If he sounds like he is winding down with the crying wait a little longer.
If you can get your partner to do the patting visits. Set a timer as its hard to believe how long 5 mins is when your baby is crying.

Or you can stay with the status quo…. Your choice… I chose to have my babies sleep better themselves and myself and my DH sleep better as that made us better parents, but it is a personal choice on what works best for each family.

Oh OP, it’s so hard. I’ve got a 7-month old who also won’t sleep more than a few hours a night in a single stretch. I’ve got no magic answers, but whatever you do, please don’t leave your LO to cry for 5 minutes, and then not even look him in the eyes! And then leave again when he’s still crying. Jesus. I’m sorry PP but who could do that to their own baby? I wouldn’t treat an animal that badly, let alone my own child. OP, by all means explore sleep training, but there’s much, much kinder ways to do it.

The dont look a baby in the eye thing is because they find it very stimulating, so making eye contact wakes them up more

I have 4 well adjusted teens/young adults who all love me a lot and all learned to sleep in their own beds from 6 months on. They then had a much better mother as I wasnt permanently sleep deprived.

Being a good parent is as much about saying no and scaffolding them to do stuff for themselves as it is about saying yes and doing things for them.

As pp said they have learnt feed to sleep. Personally I would break it but that's my personal preference.

I would try exhausting other options like settling lo in cot first etc look at gentler sleep training ways.

I do believe in cc, and worked amazingly for us but I had exhausted other options with my LO. I didn't do 5 minutes. Too long for me to start with. I did 1/3/5/7 etc. If you have a look on the sleep forums recently there is a cc thread. Explains in detail how others have done it.

As you bf, I would get oh to do the settling in night for a week or so (I know it be hard) as they see you they think fooooodddd to get me to sleep.

Oh and i never give my LO eye contact. Took me ages to realise that was keeping her from going to sleep!! She is very loving to me, and I'm the only person on a regular basis that gets open mouth kisses and hugs. Go figure and I'm the one that did the cc 🤷🏼‍♀️🤷🏼‍♀️