How to help an 8 month old fall asleep more peacefully??

[Boymom90]

I'm considering gently sleep training my 8 month old but don't know how to. He currently receives a lot of assistance to sleep in the form of being walked about/ rocked in my husband's arms. This would be fine except that he is hysterically crying throughout the process and it is breaking my heart. It's also taking longer and longer to get him to sleep. I feel like we are now making things worse by getting in the way of him falling sleep if that makes sense. I have read a bit about fading methods of sleep training but I am struggling to see how these would work with my DS. If my husband rocks him to the point of drowsiness and then puts him down he very quickly reverts to being fully awake and hysterical again. It hasn't been possible to soothe him at all verbally or with gentle touches (hysterical crying continues). When we pick him up his level of agitation just rises until we are in a downward spiral leading to him becoming over tired. I really don't know what to do and this is having such a massive impact on my mental health and my bond with my son as I am just drained. He can become quiet overtired during the day as he is not a great napper either but even on days when he has had good naps it's still the same. Tbh I don't want to sleep train him at all as it feels unnatural but I'm at my wit's end with all the crying and how difficult bedtime is. He has not fallen asleep peacefully in many months, I'm so worried a fear and hatred for bedtime is becoming engrained in him. I used to bf him to sleep until this just stopped working at around 5 months old. I purchased Lucy Wolfe's sleep training book but to be honest I didn't find her method worked for us as my DS just won't be consoled by my presence alone so in the end I was just in the room with him while he cried himself sore which just felt wrong. I've also tried to wait him out to see what time he would naturally fall asleep, only offering minimal comfort to keep him from becoming hysterical but in the end that is what happens as he can stay up for hours on end until he is overtired. When he does eventually sleep he can have up to 6 wakings at night and would mainly be bf back to sleep without much crying ( I think it works then because he is more rested and probably half sleeping anyway?) Or rocked back to sleep sometimes with a fair bit of crying. I think I'm upset because nothing I do seems to comfort him and this has been going on so long I know it's not related to feeling unwell, teething, constipation, reflux or any of the usual things that can disrupt bedtimes. Over tiredness can definitely be an issue but I just don't know how to fix that as he just won't nap for longer than 30 minutes at a time during the day. I usually have to try to fit in at least four naps to make sure he gets enough day sleep which is difficult to do.
I'm probably rambling at this stage. I'd love to hear if anyone else has experienced similar issues and what I might be able to do about it??

Hi OP, you poor thing. Sleep deprivation makes every so much worse for all involved. Is he getting over tired in the day? Does he nap on you? Or in a sling? My little only has proper, longer sleeps on me (where she feels safest and senses me there). Have you tried chamomile drops? I've used these for teething but they also have really helped with relaxing my baby and getting her to have long naps and go to sleep in the evening with very little fighting. Before that it was bedlam every hour or so! Have you also tried drinking mint tea? This has helped my little one with tummy pain in the evening through my breast milk so might be worth a shot? I'm not into sleep training either and prefer the soothing approach - so bed becomes a positive association. Failing all the above, a walk outside in the sling?? Xx

walked about/ rocked in my husband's arms. This would be fine except that he is hysterically crying throughout the process

and

DS just won't be consoled by my presence alone so in the end I was just in the room with him while he cried

The two are the same levels of distress. The only difference is that in Scenario 1 baby is not learning to go to sleep, and in Scenario 2 baby is learning to go to sleep.

I think you just need to put baby in the cot, do all and every bit of comforting for baby in the cot, without ever stopping comforting and bring compassionate. Then just keep going and persevere doing all comforting in-cot.

How much does he sleep during the day? Can you write down his routine during the day what he eats when does he have his milk?

Also have things gotten any better?

Is there any chance he is uncomfortable?
My DS is younger (6 months) but he always screamed and took a very long time to go to sleep. He was always very windy. We’ve now discovered he has Cow’s Milk Allergy and since we have changed to the new milk he goes to sleep so quickly by rocking.

Not suggesting your LO has the same allergy, but could it be something else making him uncomfortable?

Also if he is already distressed by rocking then you’re not really loosing anything by having him distressed in the cot. I know it feels worse, but it might be the only option.

Thanks for all the replies things are getting slowly better. I've been reading Dr Ferber's book on sleep solutions. I haven't decided if I will use this method but the book has been really helpful in educating me about baby sleep and what might be causing sleep disturbances. There are some things I have been able to try already that have made a little bit of a difference. I actually think he has been getting too much night sleep and that might be why he doesn't nap well during the day. I know that sounds bizarre but I have him in his cot (which is beside my bed) from approx 7pm-6am and he is actually only awake for very short periods as I feed him straight back to sleep. So my sleep is disrupted more than his. I have been putting him to bed a little later and I've noticed on the monitor that he has waked a few times and went back to sleep on his own. That was unheard of a few weeks ago as soon as he moved in his cot he would be awake and crying again until we helped him get back over. He has also had a few day when his naps have lasted up to an hour! I'm also making other changes to his daily routine (feeding times etc) that I hope will help regulate his sleeping patterns.

He is still getting a lot of help to fall asleep initially and there is still crying but he is falling asleep faster and staying asleep a little longer. He is still unable to fall asleep independently as I've never allowed him to learn because I've always tried to act to soothe him and stop him crying. He definitely associates sleep with feeding as during the night feeding will put him back to sleep very quickly but not always for long stretches. However, for his initial sleep feeding doesn't work anymore and hasn't for a while. I need to work on helping him to learn to fall asleep independently and accept that this might involve tears.

I have cut out diary from both our diets but it is obviously too early to determine if this will help at all. I am planning to buy some mint tea as I figure there is no harm in trying!