!! Controlled crying

[Life4livingnk]

Good morning

Coming from an absolutely knackered mother .
Has anyone tried controlled crying with their kids?

My youngest is 9month ( I do have other kids 17 and 7 years)

My little one is an absolute dream in the day, but wakes every hour at night. I work too so I really can't cope much longer without sleep.
I feel awful doing controlled crying method but from research it seems the quickest way of helping everyone get the sleep we need.

He is breastfed and has a bottle too, his feeds are random as they are when breastfeeding. Maybe I stop breastfeeding?

Has anyone got any stories too share with me ? Advice please

Ds was 10 months. In /out of hospital that whole time. Never been alone!! I rang GP for an app. When they said there wasn't any I told her I would be leaving ds in his pram in the foyer!! And meant it!! Dr discussed sleep patterns and how they work etc.. Got ds sleeping through on the THIRD NIGHT! Baby being put down awake is vital. Never got him back out. Quick shh shh after gaps of 1/3/5/7/10 mins if he was twisting. Ds learned to settle. He had also been shattered obviously..

I tried it with my son when he was a bit older than that. Did the recommended thing of going back in every so often and soothing him without picking him up. It wasn't easy but after a few nights it did work. He'd always been a fabulous sleeper and I'm not sure what caused this brief period of unsettledness but I do know if I had pandered to it then it would have gone on for ages. I was a single working mum, I needed my evenings.

You will get a lot of comments about how it's cruel but when done properly at the appropriate age i think it's fine. It's not pleasant but ultimately you need to think about the whole family and what works for you and your routine.

I know cc is seen as negative on here so you may get a few negatives on here, some people feel that baby won't cry out when they need you as they have learnt crying doesn't get them what they need. My LO still shouts for me if she needs me (she's not a Cryer in the night, and never has been unless she's lost her dummy even then shes whinging)

I have done it after I exhausted all other options. Personally I feel it does work, and we haven't ever got to 7 minutes (well I never have) my Oh she's a little madame for, but as my Oh says mummy trumps all. I do bedtime routine to save the hassal and usually within 5 minutes she's asleep now.

I read you have to know the differences in your lo crys to be able to do.

It isn't easy, and actually some people say it's gets harder by day 4/5 but within a week to 10 days you should see the difference maximum, if goes on longer apparently its bit for your baby. Mine was 5 days. Day 1 cried. Day 2 cried. Day 3 silent. Day 4 sort of whinged. Day 5 cried. Then nothing. I still get occasional grizzles, but I think she likes the release, or may be a touch overtired.

I did 1/3/5/7 but there's lots of variations. I comforted for 30secs to a minute and never picked her up unless she was distressed, which weirdly she wasn't that much - she prefers to go sleep by herself. Sometimes I would go in after a minute instead of 3 minutes because she was getting too upset. But left it a minute at least.
Good luck 🤞

Great advice from you all.

So the1/3/5/7 is that you let them cry for 1 min then let it go on for 3 and so on?

He will go too sleep in his cot by himself. It's just the staying asleep bit! I think I'll take a week off work and get this sorted.

He must be knackered as well as me.

Do you put him to bed awake?

Yes in bed awake, he has been sleeping with me since birth, but didn't sleep great there either, woke 4 times and soon as I got up he woke.

So I've now put him in his cot in my room still,

I put him in awake , pat him a little he cries for a few mins and then goes off for maybe 2 hours.

After that he wakes too be fed, soon as I put him back done he'll cry again, so I'll pat him a little and sometimes he'll go back off sometimes he'll just moan for hours on and off, I try not too pick him up. I don't talk or anything like that,

I give in about 4am because I have work and need too be up too take my daughter too school,

I know I shouldn't give in, I think I need too take a week off and crack it ?

Yep. Let lo cry for a consistent 1 minute, go in. No talking. I did hand firmly on chest and one on thigh - what she likes best. Some do patting, some tap dummy, some stroke, some shhhhh. I found that this now stimulates my LO.

They say consistent of 1 min crying so if LO crys 30 seconds and quite for 30 seconds then restarts the clock.

Is lo having enough feeds etc in day? Sounds like lo May be using you as a comfort. I would get oh to do it for a week - heard that's great way, and stops waking unless really needs a feed? Only if LO getting enough in day. I must admit my LO of 7 months still wakes on and off for a night feed.some nights she has others she doesn't 🤷🏼‍♀️

it is negative when the baby is continuing to cry in response to the stress involved with controlled crying.
For some people, it works brilliantly and I think it just so happens that the baby is ready to sleep through. I think it's less that the cc worked and more that everything has aligned at the right time.
I am not for controlled crying simply because of the distress it caused two of my children. It wasn't right and I knew this immediately. I think it has a longterm impact on babies when they are habitually left to manage stress on their own. Controlled crying is forcing them to do this, just so you know, OP.
Try it and see. But know when to say 'this isn't working'.

Believe me, I feel your pain. I've had 3 non-sleepers and it is soul destroying. You do have to look after you. But maybe, instead of controlled crying, how about more hands-on parenting by dad as well. He is part of this too you know. He has a role here to support you and your children. Why would you take a week off work to train a baby rather than get the baby's father to take part in helping with night wakings, which are a natural part of infancy? What is his take on all of this?