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Original poster

13 month old still won't sleep through

50 replies

Pep12 · 28/09/2021 22:21

Has anyone got any advice for a 13 month old who won't sleep through. I can count on one hand the amount of times shes ever slept through and with going back to work, im really struggling. I feel like I have tried everything. What naps she has in the day doesnt seem to effect it, she has a good bedtime routine and goes to sleep on her own really well. She wakes anytime between 2.30 and 4.30 and the only thing that calms her down is milk. I've tried giving her water as I dont think she can be hungry (she eats well and has a full bottle before bed so I think its habit) I've tried leaving her to self settle but she just screams and wakes my 5 year old. When she's had her milk she's hit and miss whether or not she goes back down to sleep or not. Im absolutely exhausted so any suggestions are welcome 🙏

OP posts:
benelephant · 04/10/2021 08:04

@JasonMomoasgirlfriend

You know what? Some babies just don't sleep through and there's nothing "wrong" with that. We are conditioned to think that they must do and then tear our hair out when they don't and try to fix them. I think it can just be personality. My son is 2 and has slept through the night less than 10 times in his life. Weirdly two of those were last night and the night before.

I think I was still BF one feed I'm the night at 13months then by 17months he was down to a cosy sippy cup of cow's milk before bed and no feed in the night. But guess what....he still woke up!
There's not always a fox for the situation

This. My children are 13,11 and 7. Guess when I reliably got a full nights sleep? Last year! Small children need you in the night sometimes, I'm afraid it's one of the shitter parts of being a parent. I'm not sure that there's a magic solution.
JasonMomoasgirlfriend · 04/10/2021 08:09

@OnlyFoolsnMothers whose child is waking six times a night because it isn't the OPs child bor mine or anyone elses on here that I can see.. so yes I think waking 1-2 nights waking is totally normal and that sleep training isn't exactly a natural thing to do but is done to fit into our working lifestyles
But even with that I'm just saying I'm personally not comfortable to leave a child to cry when at that age they aren't crying to manipulate you, they are crying because they want comforted by their parent 🤷
Im saying to the OP that we all put pressure on ourselves to have the perfect baby that sleeps all night when it sometimes just doesn't work out like that...and that's ok.

JasonMomoasgirlfriend · 04/10/2021 08:11

@users689033 see you over there tonight...think it's the reunion show!

users689033 · 04/10/2021 13:10

Oh you think you’re better than mothers who sleep train- personally I judge mothers who think it’s ok to let an older baby or toddler wake 6 times a night as some kind of justification for their parent choices. People: adults and children need sleep - controlled crying and cry it out are different- I suggest you do your research and appreciate why some people ie. working parents with more than one little darling need a solution to multiple wakings.

"who think it's ok to let a baby or toddler wake 6 times a night" Hmm

We don't let them. We just don't force them to cry themselves to sleep.

Children are tiring by nature. That should be considered prior. I can still wake up and do things, breastfeeding my 3yo to sleep doesn't prevent that. I'm a parent first.

users689033 · 04/10/2021 13:12

[quote JasonMomoasgirlfriend]@users689033 see you over there tonight...think it's the reunion show![/quote]
I've still got a few episodes to go!
I'm gonna try watch MAFSA on schedule so I can join you all! Love reading all your summaries!.

users689033 · 04/10/2021 13:15

These are useful.

It's sad that these unnatural ideas are forced upon us.
Waking up for comfort is not something that requires a fix.

13 month old still won't sleep through
13 month old still won't sleep through
Original poster
Pep12 · 04/10/2021 17:45

Well I asked on here for advice because I knew I needed to try taking the milk away in the night but just needed that push and confirmation, and also to speak to people who are or have been in a similar situation. Im not passing judgement on those of you who don't agree with self settling and I think those of you who are passing judgement on those of us who do, should be ashamed of yourselves. I wouldn't leave her to cry if she was obviously needing comfort ie not well (I am a good mum thanks) but were on night 4 of sleeping through and shes been much happier in the day and more settled so I'm going to stick eith what I'm doing because its helping me and clearly helping her getting a good night sleep. I thought mumsnet was a place for support for mums, not somewhere where you get shamed for your ways of parenting and made to feel like a bad parent!

OP posts:
Beamur · 04/10/2021 17:53

I was in a similar position. Back at work and just crushed with tiredness. I stopped feeding at night and for a few nights, DH went in to settle DD when she woke. She mostly slept through by the end of the week. Requests for drinks etc were met with water, cuddles and bland snacks. But she started sleeping much better overall.
'Western culture' is also rather shaped by many mother's having to go back to work.
Don't beat yourself up. I needed sleep too and for my nipples not to be used as comforters.

Original poster
Pep12 · 04/10/2021 18:16

@Beamur

I was in a similar position. Back at work and just crushed with tiredness. I stopped feeding at night and for a few nights, DH went in to settle DD when she woke. She mostly slept through by the end of the week. Requests for drinks etc were met with water, cuddles and bland snacks. But she started sleeping much better overall. 'Western culture' is also rather shaped by many mother's having to go back to work. Don't beat yourself up. I needed sleep too and for my nipples not to be used as comforters.
Exactly, as long as your children are happy, safe and looked after then you should do whats best for your family and your situation. The lack of sleep I was getting was seriously effecting my PND and even just after these past few nights sleep, I and my daughter have been much happier and productive in the day.
OP posts:
User5827372728 · 04/10/2021 18:19

My 2.9 year old doesn’t sleep through

Michellexxx · 04/10/2021 18:26

Well done! I also had to do something like this. There does seem to be a martyr complex with how long someone didn’t get a nights sleep for..
the judgement re sleep training on mumsnet is wild. I think most of it comes from people who haven’t slept properly for a very long time and are trying to justify their choices by criticising others and thinking of the most extreme ‘outcomes’ or ‘links’.
Long may your sleep continue!

YukoandHiro · 04/10/2021 18:27

Depressing but totally normal. It does end. If intervening feels even more exhausting than just finding ways to cope, don't put yourself through it.

CornishGem1975 · 04/10/2021 18:30

My 20-month-old has never slept more than a 5-hour stretch. He still has milk in the night as it seems the quickest and easiest way to get us both back to sleep. I could 'sleep train' or let him 'cry it out' but with other children in the house it's too disruptive and I know this won't be forever. I look for the positive and enjoy those middle of the night snuggles because all too soon they'll be gone...

I'm still bloody knackered though!

cptartapp · 04/10/2021 18:35

The porridge thing on its own is unlikely to work. But absolutely I conditioned them, their wants didn't outweigh mine. And my mental health and experience of their childhood was great and family life for all unmarred by sleep deprivation. Now 18 and 16 and we all bonded well enough.

thinkbiglittleone · 04/10/2021 18:50

@JasonMomoasgirlfriend

You know what? Some babies just don't sleep through and there's nothing "wrong" with that. We are conditioned to think that they must do and then tear our hair out when they don't and try to fix them. I think it can just be personality. My son is 2 and has slept through the night less than 10 times in his life. Weirdly two of those were last night and the night before.

I think I was still BF one feed I'm the night at 13months then by 17months he was down to a cosy sippy cup of cow's milk before bed and no feed in the night. But guess what....he still woke up!
There's not always a fox for the situation

I have to agree, our DS didn't sleep through until he was about 15 months and anyone would think it was the worst thing ever. It was so silly to listen to people saying he 'should' be sleeping through, but the reality is, he just wasn't ready and we didn't want to force that. It's a shame we do try to force these things on our babies.
Thissucksmonkeynuts · 04/10/2021 18:58

Mine started to wake alot less when they dropped their naps. They are 4 and 7, never sleep trained, breastfed for years, I get a full night's sleep 5/7. At 13 months waking is normal , if utterly dementing.

OnlyFoolsnMothers · 04/10/2021 19:13

Children are tiring by nature. That should be considered prior. I can still wake up and do things, breastfeeding my 3yo to sleep doesn't prevent that. I'm a parent first guess you’ve never had a job that requires concentration

SweetBabyCheeses99 · 04/10/2021 19:33

These threads do make me laugh. Have you considered that your baby wants milk because she is hungry as opposed to you thinking that she shouldn’t be?! 300,000 years of humans sleeping for one 4 hour cycle at a time and we think that we can change all that in the last 100 years or so just because it suits our modern lifestyles better. I’d love to tell you that women can have it all if they want, but sometimes you can’t I’m afraid.

Original poster
Pep12 · 04/10/2021 19:43

Yes believe it or not if I thought she was hungry, I would feed her. Im very well aware of my children's needs.

I cant actually believe how judging and patronising some people can be. Must be fantastic being the perfect parent.

OP posts:
gnushoes · 04/10/2021 19:58

I had three who didn't sleep through or anywhere near through until 2 or later (one managed a glorious 4 hours unbroken at 18 months. They just needed that milk and comfort in the night. And I had a demanding, detail focused, deadline driven job. It's evolution - some babies and small children just need that support. They became good sleepers but usually wouldn't settle till late - they just didn't seem to need a vast amount of sleep.

jupitermars1345 · 04/10/2021 20:06

Competitive tiredness.
My baby was much much happier after I sleep trained her 🤷‍♀️
I don't judge people who don't want to sleep train so why judge those who do.
I

users689033 · 05/10/2021 02:49

@SweetBabyCheeses99

These threads do make me laugh. Have you considered that your baby wants milk because she is hungry as opposed to you thinking that she shouldn’t be?! 300,000 years of humans sleeping for one 4 hour cycle at a time and we think that we can change all that in the last 100 years or so just because it suits our modern lifestyles better. I’d love to tell you that women can have it all if they want, but sometimes you can’t I’m afraid.
This.

And loads of other posts.

Force things upon your babies all you want but don't pretend it's natural, what's best for them, or through their choice or preference.

OnlyFoolsnMothers · 05/10/2021 07:18

@SweetBabyCheeses99

These threads do make me laugh. Have you considered that your baby wants milk because she is hungry as opposed to you thinking that she shouldn’t be?! 300,000 years of humans sleeping for one 4 hour cycle at a time and we think that we can change all that in the last 100 years or so just because it suits our modern lifestyles better. I’d love to tell you that women can have it all if they want, but sometimes you can’t I’m afraid.
A one year old eating well doesn’t need milk continuously through the night every night- and yes we have evolved from being cave mothers, do you know if your mothers left you to cry for 5mins or not? Can you check the scars? If your child cried because they didn’t want to go school every morning would you not let them go in because they need your comfort or do you make decisions as an adult who can see the bigger picture?!
Original poster
Pep12 · 05/10/2021 07:50

If we go off what mothers did 300,000 years ago then none of its 'natural'

Exactly @OnlyFoolsnMothers. Well after another night of sleep, shes woke up happy, clapping and smiling and is ready to go off to nursery, not exhausted and im ready for work not exhausted either.

I'm going to carry on doing what I think is best for me and my family and respect others choices on how they raise their children ✌🏻

OP posts:
users689033 · 05/10/2021 23:12

@OnlyFoolsnMothers lol

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