'Don't leave me mummy' - 2.8 clingy at bedtime - advice needed

[sophierosie]

DD has recently had this miserable cold and has since become really clingy at night time and I just don't know what to do with her. She's been able to settle herself for ages so this is a real challenge as I'm just not sure what to do.

For the last week she's become really upset at bed and nap time and gets frantic when I say goodnight and get up to leave the room, clinging to my arm and really crying. The only way to settle her has been to lie on the bed and cuddle up to her or hold her hand. This can take up to an hour which is killing me as I'm doing bedtime by myself and have also had this cold too so am tired too.

What can I do to help? Please tell me this is a phase.

It's a phase.

Have you thought about taking her into bed with you and going to sleep together until you're both better? That's what I would do - but I always take the line of least resistance, and that's why our bed sometimes has an 11 year old and a 6 year old in it. Not to mention 2 cats and 97 teddy bears!

If she is ill I would just go with the flow. Once she is better things may improve. xx

Thanks - I tried taking her into bed with me the other night after nearly 4 hours of trying to settle her - it had the reverse effect and made her really excited - lasted about 20 mins and then marched her back to her bedroom and made it clear that I was really quite cross with her -

I've spoken to her about going to bed tonight and that after a story and cuddle that I need to go and tidy up and get ready for bed, but you can't reason with a toddler can you - I feel that I'm starting to resent her for it - which I feel really guilty about as I know she's only little and what's wrong with wanting your mum

Why don't you put her to bed and do some tidying upstairs...that way you can keep an eye on things and she will be able to hear you hoovering etc. I used to do this with dd1 and it seemed to do the trick. If I heard her get out of bed I would shout and let her know that I was there but that was busy etc....she used to just check to make sure that I was there and had not left her. I also used to run a bath and talk to her from the bathroom. Don't know if it will help but you could see how it goes ...xx

STay with her until she falls asleep fpr the first couple of nights actually sitting on the bed but not talking to her or making eye contact - just hold her hand and reassure her you are there.
Once she is happy wiht that - for the next couple of nights sit in a chair in the room until she falls asleep a little away from the bed
Next couple of nights after that sit in the chair in the doorway until she falls asleep.
Once she is happy with that say goodnight and leave the room for 5 minutes, potter around upstairs and then go back for 1 minute and out for 5 do this until she falls asleep.
WHen she is happy with that say goodnight leave the room and tell her you will be back in 10 minutes to check on her - and be true to your word even if you know she is asleep always go back. DO this until she falls asleep.
Hope you have a good book to read!
It is exhausting but I know this works becuase I have had to do it myself.
Good luck

OK - thanks for your advice.

So far, have stayed with her for an hour, left the door open and told her I am going to have my dinner and then will come back and see her. She has stayed in bed so far and is just grumbling mummy mummy. Have wolfed down dinner in about 30 secs and was hoping she's fall to sleep before I had to go up again

OK, have been with her for another hour and nothing - she is just not going to sleep. I sat at the end of her bed, stupidly I thought she'd fallen asleep, but of course as soon as I closed the door she started crying again. Have now left the door open and am having a 5 minute break as I just find it so stressful doing it

Ok - I assume she's asleep now? What I suggest for tomorrow is to go and buy a story CD. Then tell dd that tonight you're going to do something special. You're going to cuddle up together and listen to 15 minutes (get a timer too) of the cd together. Then you're going to go and have your dinner, but you'll set the timer and you'll go in and see her every 15 minutes. She can have to story CD on as long as she likes - but she has to stay in bed. Make sure that you make enough noise for her to be sure you're there, and don't put her tp bed too early! Good luck!

And I would leave the door open - and get her a night light - ahe could be afraid of the dark?

Last night turned into a complete nightmare as everytime I thought she'd fallen asleep and go up to leave the room it turned into full on meltdown. DH got home at about 12.30pm and tried to take over but she had a major tantrum. Brought her in with us as I was too tired to stay in her room for endless hours as I had to go work this morning. DD was awake at about 6am kicking me in the back.

All in all, possibly the worst night I have had with her since she was a tiny baby

Good idea about story CD - where can I get one from? Supermarket? She doesn't have a nightlight, but does have a bedside lamp that she can turn on.

sr, ds1 (2.6yo) has recently struggled with bedtime. he's always been easy to settle, lights out, door closed, but was getting very very upset

our new routine is stairgate at the door, door open, and story cd on

not a peep from him since

we have giraffes can't dance cd - tis lovely - hang on will get a link

giraffes can't dance - fab

My ds (2.9) often gets cuddled to sleep. Not ideal but it is the stage he is at at the moment. If he jumps around during the stories i threaten to leave the room, (count to 10 iyswim). We have around three stories, then he gets up for a pee and some milk. lights get turned off - door gets shut "so you can't get out mummy " and then providing he keeps very still i stay with him. - 9/10 times he is alseep within 10 minutes.
okay its not ideal but i've worked out that the threat of me leaving really gets him to calm himself down

Thank you - that looks lovely.

I have just given my stairgate away - bugger.
I will see how tonight goes, DH is around tonight so have handed the reins over to him as I just need a night off.

Will definitely have a look at those story CD's.

Had some success last night - I asked DH to do bedtime as I just needed a break as I probably put her to bed 99.8% of the time and thought it might break the association of me with bedtime.

So, I packed myself off to the supermarket (how exciting) and left DH to do bath & bed.

It took him 2 hours to get her to sleep, so considerable imrovement on last night. He read her abotu 5 stories then just stayed in her room til he thought she was asleep. She wasn't asleep when he left the room so she managed to go to sleep by herself - hurray!

I got her some plug in nightlights and found them pulled out of the wall this morning and replaced by the plug protector things!

She is now happily watching pingu as her reward for doing so well!

Phew - am going to get DH to do the next few nights and then it will be back to normal once he's back at work and I'll have to try and do it myself. Will definitely try gradual withdrawal.

Keep going - you have to gain her trust, stories and nightlights are fantastic. I promise you it does work.
Good luck

aha! this is our house.....

(ACT FIVE, scene 201...)

dd (aged 2.7): 'I don't want to go to sleep'

Desperate Mother: it's night-time..all the children are now in their beds because it's 8 o'clock

dd: I'm not sleepy!!!

DM: wee willie winkie is coming to check

dd: I'm not sleepy...want mummy

DM: mummy needs her dinner now, lie down

(dd gets up out of bed, DM puts her back in bed for the fifteenth time)

DM: big girls sleep in their beds

dd: mummy hold my hand

DM (who's been down this path before) I'll be in the study next door...

dd (screaming) NO! HOLD MY HAND!!

DM: get back into bed..Father Christmas' fairy is coming soon to check on all the good boys and girls

dd: (gets out of bed, giggling)..not sleepy

DM: (who's had only 2 hrs sleep the night before through co-sleeping -worries of child falling out of other side of double bed; disappearing under double duvet; and having been kicked and fidgetted over all night- turns into the Mummy Monster) GET INTO BED NOW - OR THERE'S NO CHOCOLATE TOMORROW!!

(...to be continued..)

Hi

Was just about to post requesting advice re exactly the same - DD same age, same performance everything !! when I found this !!
Thanks to all - just read the final post and was about to go in and do story thing when it all went silent - the tantrum seems to have abrubtly stopped (maybe she sussed you were all on to her ?? !!)

Anyway long may it last !!

Sweet dreams xx

Glad we're not alone babbi! It must be a phase

We've had some progress - On nights when DH is around he puts her to bed which is helping dissociate bedtime with me (as I do it 99% of the time).

We'll read a story and then turn off the light and tell her an elaborate story about a little girl called 'her name' and basically go through everything we've done in the day ending up with her going 'fast to sleep in her own bed'. I'll say goodnight and then hold her hand for about 5 mins and then just get up and go out of the room. She shouts for about a minute and then goes quiet.

I've also cut out her afternoon nap as she was previously sleeping happily for 2 hours in the afternoon and then going down at 7pm, so she really is exhausted! As am I!