Can't get 17 month old to lie down

[Bookishnerd]

Anyone give me a bit of advice?

My 17-month-old has never been a great sleeper. I'm not sure whether I need to alter my routines and behaviour or whether I need to just wait it out and he'll get there eventually.

We do milk, bath (every other night), book, lullaby, bed every night. By the time we get to the lullaby, he cuddles into me and goes straight to sleep. I then wait til he's properly asleep then put him down.

He sleeps til about 11pm, then he ends up in with us in our bed.

I'm ok with it most of the time (it's quite nice to co-sleep!) but occasionally he wakes up in the middle of the night and is really restless and won't resettle. Kicks me in the back etc. It really disturbs me and I get a bit cross.

I don't want to sleep train (tried that when he was about 9 months old and I didn't like it) but I do want to help him self-settle.

I've tried putting him in his cot awake, but he immediately stands up, very upset and won't lie back down. I've tried putting him down, and he gets incredibly distressed.

Should I keep trying? I'm a bit too soft.

Should I just chill out and enjoy the co-sleeping and cuddles and put up with the middle of the night shenanigans?

How can I get him to lie down so that I can help him self-settle?

By that point I had DS in a floor bed so I could cuddle then move away. This gradually became lie next to me, or just me in the room.

You're asking a lot to go from putting down asleep to in the cot awake. He's never had to lie down and go to sleep so he likely doesn't understand what you're trying to get him to do and he is missing the closeness

My instinct is to suggest trying to put him in the cot then start the lullaby. Depending on what has happened when you've tried putting him in the cot awake, you might want to try to change this in tiny little steps. So, put him in the cot drowsy and repeat the lullaby with a hand held on him so he still has a physical connection with you. I guess the tricky thing is deciding exactly what you can and can't do / will or won't do, if he gets straight back up at that point.

My eldest was about 10 months when I had to "do something" to get her to self-settle (for my own sanity tbh), so smaller and not sext o strong at standing up and refusing to lie down as your toddler will be.

I wonder if an early move to a toddler bed could enable you to sit with an arm over him to retain the closeness until he gets used to being put down then going to sleep?

Thinking about it another part of my strategy was a musical toy I could wind up or turn on for a limited time, that I made a part of the soothing routine for all night time waking.

Good luck, hope something works out for you.