Please Help, desparately need some help and advice

[emmywoo]

Dear All, My DD is 13mo and has never been a good sleeper. On average she wakes 4+ times a night. I believe that I am party to blame as when she was born my mum was in hospital wth cancer so as soon as my dd cried I always picked her up, I think I used her more as a comforter as she did me. However, due to this I have to wait for her to fall asleep either on me on on floor of her nursery before I put her in her cot, when she wakes she does not know how to self settle so I have to go in, pick her up, she then falls asleep on my shoulder and most of the time when I put her back in her cot she is fine, but there are other times that as soon as I make the movement to lower her into her cot she wakes up again and were are back to square one. I have recently in the last couple of week lost my mum and am so tired with all the emotion of that that I really need my DD to start sleeping through and learning how to seft settle. Sorry this thread is so long, but I am now really desparate.

oh poor you!

I popped into this thread because I have a 3 year old who doesn't sleep through and I thought I might be able to offer you the benefit of what I have tried, and failed to do.

I totally understand that you need, need, NEED her to sleep and give you some space, but I don't think it's going to happen any time soon - your little one sounds like mine.

When it all gets too much for me and I need a decent night's sleep, I put her in with us, it's not ideal, but she sleeps better and at least I don't have to get out of bed to settle her.

I presume you're not giving her a bottle or anything when she wakes up, you're just cuddling her?

Hi, She used to have a bottle of milk just before she went to bed, but 3 weeks ago she started pushing the bottle away and now refuses it point blank.

you're doing everything right, you just have an awkward sleeper.

You could try cc - but you'll have to ask someone else about that because it's not something I have ever tried.

Other than co-sleeping, I don't know what to suggest.

Do you have a nap during the day when she sleeps?

I am back at work which makes the matter worse. With regards to co-sleeping, if she gets into the habit of sleeping with us won't it make it worse with regards to trying to get her back into her cot

Just to send huge sympathy to you emmywoo. My 12 month old has been an awful sleeper from day one and it has nearly broken me, so I can only imagine what it must be like to be dealing with the loss of your mum in such a state. Big hugs to you.

It sounds to me as though your DD needs to learn to fall asleep without your help so that she can self-settle in the night. But I'm obviously no expert so best wait for someone with a baby who actually sleeps to provide some reliable advice!

as for co sleeping making it worse, I'm undecided. Dd1 co-slept and had no problem at all going in her own bed, neither did ds, but dd2 shows no signs at all of wanting to leave ours.

I'm also hoping that someone with children who sleep will come along and tell us all what to do

What time is her bed time and what time does she nap and for how long?

I would consider putting her in bed and then patting her, soft talking to her until she falls asleep. You would have to be consistent about leaving her in bed until she has fallen asleep(try it for at least three nights). Make sure you keep the bedtime routine calm. Then for the nights you have done that, when she next wakes I would bring her to your bed to sleep(as long as doing this does not interupt her getting back to sleep). Hopefully you'll find that she'll sleep later and later. Then if the amount of times does decrease I would then pat her back to sleep for any further night wakings.

Be consistent with what ever you decide(whether co sleeping, controlled crying or something in between) and I hope she's sleeping better soon.

Emmywoo, I just want to say that you did nothing wrong in responding to your daughter's cries when she was little. Even if your mum wasn't in hospital with cancer you would still have responded to her cries. Also, babies are the best comfort you can have when you are facing bad news in the family - and I'm speaking from experience. I also know what you mean about needing a good nights sleep to help cope with the emotion and so hope things start to work out soon. Whichever approach you decide to take to help your daughter (e.g. pick up/put down, gradual withdrawal, controlled crying, controlled comforting, co-sleeping) then I wish you luck.

I apologise for not offering more practical advice but felt quite strongly about saying what I have.

I have a ten month old son who was also taking advantage of cuddles/night feeding for comfort...I decided to bite the bullet this week and try the pick up/put down method from The Baby Whisperer...a friend of mine had used it successfully. Well, the first time I tried it at 2am my heart was racing but it only took about 4 times of leaving him for 2 mins before he got himself off to sleep. Night two was just one cuddle from me (less than 1 min) and it worked!! I am now on night 4 and he's been sleeping through the past two nights...touch wood!

I think the key is once you start it you need to be consistent...I have been very lucky and I hope you will be too!

My condolences about your mum...