5 month old

[LoveYouHoneybear]

Hi all. Since the 4 month regression, our previously brilliant sleeper is a true tyrant. She will only settle with boob/a cuddle, and once put down in her Snuzpod cot, she wakes. If she manages to stay sleeping in the cot (rare), she will only sleep for MAX 1.5 hours in the night, and only 30 mins for a nap. I worked very hard to get her to self settle when she was 2-3 months in preparation for the regression, but it's all gone out the window and no amount of patting or dummy replacing will do. Last night I had enough and decided I would not pick her up, I would only try to soothe her in the cot. Well she screamed for 39 mins straight before I gave up and held her. We cannot cosleep as she kicks and punches me all night in her sleep. I know I need to do some sort of "sleep teaching," but I don't know where to start. I think it would be a lot easier to do some gentle sleep training techniques if she had her own room, but she won't have her own room until we move in October. Can anyone please advise on how I can help her learn to sleep on her own while she is in a sidecar cot in our room? We already use all the patting/shushing/white noise/blackout curtain stuff. Thank you.

It’s so hard being sleep deprived! I used this on our then 6 month old, and it worked brilliantly: www.mumsnet.com/Talk/sleep/1394888-What-worked-for-us-Hope-this-helps

@moregarlic thank you for the link, I've read that one before but thought it was more for older babies! Good to know that it worked on your 6 month old.

Gentle sleep training is much easier to start in your room, with a sidecar cot - the set up you have. So I wouldn't be entertaining the idea of putting baby in own room for a while yet. Unless you're looking to do more harsh sleep training, with more acceptance of crying/distress.

As to where to start - firstly it's probably with your expectations. If you're looking for gentle sleep training that you need to properly accept that this type of sleep training is a journey - so the celebrating of progress is in making small steps towards independence. Rather than an assumption that your baby will be independently settling as a result of a few weeks work from you. You get that sort of speedy outcomes with much harsher, non-gentle sleep training methods.

So after your expectations, where next to start?

Your start point is you sitting up, baby in a cradle hold and then breastfeeding/cuddling to sleep and then putting baby into a sidecar cot already asleep (I've assumed that from your OP, please correct me if wrong).

So progress would be getting baby used to going to sleep lying down on a mattress, rather than in your arms. So my start point would be to feed baby lying down. If you have a full sized cot as your sidecar cot, you ,may be able to lie your torso in the cot and feed baby to sleep in there. If not then breastfeed with baby lying on your bed.

Once asleep, master the art of "scooting" baby over into the sidecar. This is putting your arms under sleeping baby and push baby over into the cot, rather than lifting and putting down.

That's the first step on the "journey" towards independent sleep - baby going to sleep lying down on a mattress and not in your arms. The next stages is swapping breastfeeding to sleep with dummy sucking to sleep.

This might take the form of swapping the breastfeed for dummy/cuddle slightly earlier in progress to being asleep. The aim here is that you can put baby on your/sidecar mattress awake and then cuddle to sleep with a dummy.

Then move the cuddling into the sidecar cot. By this point you'll note you are still 100% needed to settle baby to sleep, even though you will be many weeks away from where you are now. So work towards being able to feed baby, then get ready for bed/nap, then put down awake with a dummy and you physically snuggle into the sidecar cot - but extract yourself once asleep and leave baby there.

Then over time, reduce how physically close you need to be to settle baby, until it might just be hand on baby's chest and dummy suck until into a deep sleep. Note you're still needed for the entire settling process for baby. You might be many months away from where you are now, but still need to stay with baby all the time until fully asleep. By taking the gentle route, you're baby in on that journey towards independent sleep, but realistic expectations are needed in terms of long term commitment to get there.

Then from here the sides can be back on the full sized cot. Then work on baby being less dependant on your physical touch to go to sleep.

I am also in the same position. I was hoping she would go back to sleeping well after coming out of the regression but she's got even worse. She was sleeping 7 or 8 hours through the night before. Tonight I've been awake for 5 hours as every time I put her in the snuzpod she wakes up.

@Doughnut100 it's so hard, isn't it? Yes, my baby slept a 7-9 hour stretch and then a couple more hours after a feed. I didn't know how lucky I was!

@FATEdestiny thanks so much for the advice (again!). I have started this sleep teaching you've outlined with mixed success. I will keep at it though! And you're right, I need to reframe my expectations here.

Thank you @FATEdestiny I started this at 6am.

I stopped picking her up and cuddled her inside her snuzpod. I fed her in her snuzpod using very uncomfortable acrobatics. It took maybe 90 mins but eventually she fed to sleep in her snuzpod. Not for long of course. But I think I just have to stop picking her up because what's the use if I can't put her back down.

I fed her in her snuzpod using very uncomfortable acrobatics

Do you have a full sized cot or cotbed?
Will it fit next to your bed?

You can remove one side off most cots, to make a sidecar cot. From personal experience, breastfeeding baby in a sidecar cot is much easier - loads more space for your torso.

@FATEdestiny it's a good idea but as you guessed the full sized cot doesn't actually fit in our bedroom. And I'm not ready myself to put her in her own room any time soon to be honest. We love having her just there, for the most part it's worked really well, until the 4 month regression and now this double post-regression regression 🙄

@FATEdestiny if I let her sleep on me for naps am I undermining the process?

@Doughnut100 if you're aim is independent sleep, then yes. If baby needs mire help for daytime naps (which is normal) then naps in something that moves is more conducive to independent sleep. Bouncy chair for example.

As for sidecar cot (see image), I'd prioritise it if it was me. It's worth removing a chest of drawers (or whatever) out of your bedroom in order to fit the cot in.

@FATEdestiny thanks for this idea, we have now had this setup for a week or so. She is totally comfortable with being fed to sleep lying down and then me rolling away.

She won't suck on a dummy so I suppose the next step is to try to stop feeding her before she falls asleep.

At the moment it's the frequent waking that is driving me nuts though. 15/20/45 min bursts. A few 1.5hr chunks. Sometimes 2hr. My sleep is so broken I feel like a zombie some days. I really want to know how to get her to join her sleep cycles up!

@LoveYouHoneybear how are you getting on?

Hi @Doughnut100! I'm happy to report that things have greatly improved. Naps are still only 30 mins but I've started to do a couple of them in the pram during the day, leaving it in the kitchen so I can at least have a small break. All other naps are contact still. And nighttime has gotten much better too... she will do 7pm until 12am-2am and then is up every 90 mins until she wakes for the day between 6am - 7am. So I'm at least getting one good stretch out of her! She is able to settle herself to sleep at the beginning of the night, but for every other wake I have to pick her up and feed her. Past 5am, she won't go back in her cot so I bring her into the bed and feed her lying down so we both get some more sleep. It's not perfect, but I at least feel a bit more human! Hoping your nights are better too!!!