1.5 year old refusing to go to bed

[Felinewoman]

So, my dd is 19 months ild. She was always falling asleep by herself and was quite an OK sleeper. This all went to shit when she was about 16 months old. She started waking up at night and was uo for 3 hours at a time. We thwn went through a phase of ok sleep. Now she is a total drama queen at bedtime and screams herself to sleep and I feel guilty. She also wakes up at anything between 1 and 5 am and I am not able to put her back into her cot and she ends up in bed with us.
Is this just a phase? Am I a bad mom for letting her cry? When I go into her room and settle her she still wakes up and screams the moment she touches her mattress.
What is causing this new behaviour? How do I improve it?
Partner and I are both in stressful jobs with night shifts and a lot of oit if hours work and we really need the rest we can get and this is slowly breaking me.

My daughter is doing the exact same thing . She’s 19 months, used to go to sleep on her own or occasionally me sitting in her room. The last five nights have been awful. She screams and makes herself sick because she won’t lie in her cot but also won’t lie in our bed. She will sit up but refused to actually lie down she screams with anger until she cries herself to sleep. I feel awful and don’t know what to do at all

When I go into her room and settle her she still wakes up and screams the moment she touches her mattress

Could you settle her in the cot?

If she knows that she wakes up screams she gets to sleep in your bed she’ll keep doing it. The guilt is always so awful but perseverance is key for everyone’s sake.
When she wakes dont pick her up, don’t turn the light on, have the hall light on so you can see her,!settle her in her cot, gently touching her back and sssshhhhhhhh ing , but being really quiet. Then when she’s calmer back away a little at a time and keep the door open a bit so there’s a little bit of light. It’ll take a little while but she should (fingers crossed) settle quicker

I wouldn’t take her out of the cot in the night. Offer comfort sat beside the cot.

Dd did this too. It was hellish for about 6 months.

She just screamed whether I was in the room or not. She didn't get up during the night but taking her to bed was awful.

I fwel that I am not really able to settle her in the cot and usually give up after about 30 mins.
I think she also wakes up because she's hungry. She's not a good eater and aometimes doesn't have much dinner. She definitely seems to sleep better after a good dinner.
I tend to give her some milk when she wakes up in the middle of the night, meaning I have to take her out if the cot.
Also, it is easier for me to just take her into bed with me as I can at least lie next to her while she wriggles.
I really need the sleep and hope this is just another phase.

About bedtime, she screams whether I am in the room or not. She wants to be held, but then also gets pissed off because she wants to move but bed is also not an option. Why are toddlers so irrational?
Tonight she screamed for about 30 mins before falling asleep. But I can hear her grumble next door...
She had a good dinner.
Maybe my dinner correlation is nonsense

How long is her nap?

Usually 1-2 hours after lunch at nursery

Is it possible she's overtired at bedtime? Sometimes I've found this makes it harder for my kids to settle because they're a bit wired. Is it possible for you to structure your routine to do bed a bit earlier say by 30 mins? So bath, pj's, warm milk and story then into cot a bit early and just sit with her, quietly sing / chat whilst she drifts off? I'm not saying it's instant success but it might help.

When does she have dinner and what time is bed?

Does she have milk or something to eat before bed (cereal or similar)?

Dinner after 5pm when we get back from work. So between 5 and 6. Bedtime usually between 6.30 and 7, asleep by 7.30.
She has a bottle of milk before bed.
I read a story every evening, then cuddles and bed.
Usually was fine and she just rolled onto front and was out.
We were admitted a few weeks ago as she had a febrile seizure and aince then it's particularly bad. I slept with her fir a week...
She's back to full beans but now has problwns being alone. Very clingy. But then she's totally fine at nursery.

I also noted that she isn't too oeen on milk at night or in the morning anymore. Might just stop it. This was the case for the past few nights and mornings. But has around 240ml before bed.
I also excluded pain by givibg her some calpol and ibuprofen before bed abd ahe still wakes up.
I think it is behavioural to be honest.
I might try a night light and see whether that helps. Kids that age start having nightmares and have mommy things going on I guess.

How long have you had this routine and is it the same on the weekend? It sounds as if at the moment the routine isnt working for her hence the issues thrown in part by not being very well

Routine same for a year or so. Nothing really changed.

Yes I wonder if that isn;t part of the issue @Felinewoman. 18 month is a known sleep regression because they are moving from baby sleep to toddler sleep and dropping naps

www.magicsleepsuit.com/blogs/mss-blog/beyond-babies-how-to-survive-the-dreaded-18-month-sleep-regression

Sets out what I mean.

When are they napping at nursery compared with at home - I suspect Nursery is giving a later nap so you are having more time before and not the 5 hours after.

Tweaking the routine may work - although hindered by nursery.

The other huge thing is stress - the easiest child I have settled have been friends - because I am not constantly thinking I have all of this things to do and I am relaxed - them falling asleep makes no odds. Its often why grandparents or carers find it easier because they know any broken sleep can be made up. You mention at the end the stress and I wonder if that isnt impacting on it all as well

It sure does but hard to eliminate. We're bith working lo g hours and each are often left with the child all weekend etc. So it's pretty much single parenting.
Our relationship is not very happy and I am often quite sad.

Oh @Felinewoman I am so sorry to hear it. Yes it is incredibly difficult to remove - and I imagine your sadness doesnt help that coupled with the sleep regression isnt helping.

What time does she nap at Nursery - is she getting 5 hours after. What are her eating times. Tweaking a routine may help as well

So, she alept through 3 nights and then got another nursery bug. Back to screaming and not setrling.