Not sleeping between feeds

[Ready2020]

So I'm talking about me here, not baby. I am a first time mum to DD of 5 weeks. Her sleep can vary but on good nights like tonight she falls asleep on the boob, I put her into the snuz pod 20 minutes later and she tends to follow the 45 minute sleep cycle quite well. When she goes into light sleep she can be quite noisy. Sometimes I settle her with a dummy then she spits it out she goes back into a deep sleep until a proper wake up for feed.

My issue is I could be dozing or even proper sleeping between all this but I just can't. My brain is alert and my body tense. My routine is to have a short nap in the evening (3 to 5 hours depending when I get to bed) and then OH brings her up around midnight for me to do the night shift. He takes her again around 6.30 and I snooze again until about 9. Without these naps I'd be screwed.

I'm quite a light sleeper and have worn ear plugs for 20 years. I still wear them now as I find all the noise from DD keeps me awake. But then I think I get worried that I'll not hear something important. I know it'll hear her cry as I can still hear her grunt and squeak with the ear plugs in but I get paranoid that I'll miss something.

Also I just can't seem to nod off in such short space of time. By the time I'm ready to sleep she's restless again so I'm alert.

I'm pretty sure my night time fidgets keep her awake sometimes. I think when the time comes to put her in her own room we'll both sleep better. My OH is in the spare room during all this and does weekend nights so I can get a more solid sleep.

I'm just not sure what to do. Are there any tips to get to sleep? Will it get better? Should I just resign myself to no sleep during 12 to 6.30 and just read a book or watch things on my phone? I know using my phone probably doesn't help but I have a light filter on it plus it's my company on long nights awake.

This was me! I found it so hard to sleep in between feeds as you're just waiting / knowing they'll wake up soon. I listened to podcasts with one earphone in. It helped me switch off at least. Avoid your phone, or switch off the blue light screen setting. And remember that even if you can't / don't sleep, closing your eyes and resting is still important. Remembering this helped take the pressure off having to fall asleep.

I forgot to add that on these good nights I find my boobs get really engorged as on bad nights I do a lot more feeding, probably for her comfort, so night feeds can vary. So that keeps me awake too. Pumping would be an option but it takes ages and I don't want to wake her with the noise.

I was a bit like this with DS1 - I felt such pressure to sleep when he did but that stopped me sleeping entirely! Think it got easier over time and I relaxed a little more. 5 weeks still very early, I'm sure it will improve over the next month or so.

Didn't struggle with DS2 as think I was more relaxed in general!

If I did struggle, I quite often read myself to sleep as found it stopped my mind whirring and I'd feel my eyes get heavy after a few pages then could go straight off.

As you say, you hear the little noises through your ear plugs so you won't miss anything. Could you change shifts with your DH to do a longer block each so you get more of an interrupted chunk of sleep in one go?

Don't pump, you'll just encourage your boobs to make more milk and will make the problem worse. It will regulate itself in a week or so.

I had this problem with my first DC. I'm on my second now and can barely stay awake for the feed, so it does get better. As PP said try not to stress about it - just lying still with your eyes closed is helping.

3-5 hours is hardly a short nap!

I find I sleep well between feeds (12 week DC) but we don't have "shifts" because my DH is useless and i BF. I do all the feeding so I'm probably just exhausted and need the sleep as I've not usually been a good sleeper. The BF hormones work as well. I have a white noise toy and that doesn't stop me from sleeping either.

I still don't sleep in the day though and I think what is sometimes difficult is not knowing how long they will be asleep. It could be hours or 20 mins.

Have you tried asmr or a podcast or audiobook might help.

If you are getting 5-8 hours though I think that's quite good with a 5 week old!

@Knitsewthread it's funny as when you say 5 weeks back to me I think that's barely any time but it feels like forever has past

I'm not sure how we ended up with this shift pattern really. I think at first it was because she needed more regular feeding. But now she can go longer. He feeds her a 90ml bottle of expressed milk if I sleep long enough but has occasionally used formula if needed as I can't always express enough for 2 feeds (only twice when I was exhausted and needed the sleep). Plus I think if I wake up at 3am say then don't sleep again until 8 or 9pm it'll seem like a longer day. But I guess I'd be getting a much better sleep... hmm I'll chat with OH.

I do mostly just lie down and try and relax and occupy my mind with silly games to calm it. I think the heat tonight probably isn't helping either.

@BunnytheFriendlyDragon as a first time mum who happily slept 12 hours a night this seems like a short nap

I'm a few more weeks on from you and have finally managed to learn to sleep through baby's noises and switch off between night feeds. It is a skill that comes over time I think! I go on my phone or listen to a dull podcast during a feed then put white noise on for baby and manage to drift usually.

We still do shifts here and same as you my partner gives expressed milk during his shift so I get some sleep in another room.

How is your mood generally?

I found it really hard to sleep pre baby. As mentioned already, listening to a podcast is the best way for me to get to sleep. Even if you don’t sleep, at least lie down and rest.

Do you have a Haaka pump? I sometimes take mine to bed with me if I get engorged you can just pop it on and it’s silent so wouldn’t wake your baby.

@Crikeycroc mood is generally OK with a bit of anxiety I'd say. I definitely need to relax but no idea how.

@EmmaInParis yeah I have a hakkaa but find I can only use it when feeding from the other boob though not used it when very engorged so might work.

OH is on nights tonight so I'll hopefully get some more sleep though even given the opportunity of a solid 6 hour sleep I'll probably not sleep that long!

Noises do eventually reduce and you become less anxious the bigger they get. But we did that kind of shift pattern with DS for a long time.