I am end the end of my tether any advice gratefully received

[marmon]

My four and half year old DS is waking up at 4.00 clock every morning and refusing to go back to sleep. I thought 6.00 was early enough but this really is taking the biscuit! I have tried reward charts, doesnt work, i have told him Father Christmas will not deliver presents to naughty boys, doesnt work. Its like he wants me with him all the time, i hear other parents say that their children wake early and play in their rooms or watch tv quitely but he seems to be like Bagpuss once hes awake everyone has to be awake. I am sorry to go on but by 9.00 in the morning i feel ill, any advice or words of support would really help at the minute, as sometimes you think you are the only one going through it.

Ok ... when does he go to bed? Does he still nap?

He's not waking up at 4am to be naughty - he's got stuck in this habit, and needs your help to break it. (And telling your child he's naughty isn't very helpful, anyway!)

Around this age, I started using a nightlight plugged in to a timer - the nightlight would come on to tell DS1 he was allowed to get up. I'd probably use a trick like this, setting the timer for 4:30 the first time (ouch!) and then moving it by a half hour or so every day.

And giving him lots of praise for not getting up before the light comes on. Maybe a sticker chart?

Being as tired as you must be, has got to suck. Can your DH or DP take over some mornings? Can you get to bed stupidly early to compensate, for now?

He goes to sleep between 7 and 7.30, he does not nap during the day as he is at school. This is a recent change in his sleep pattern but to be honest he has always been a rubbish sleeper, he did not sleep through the night properly until he was over 3 years old. In the first year of his life he used to wake up at least 6 times a night, then the second year it was about 4 times a night. I suppose its a shock for me as my DD who is now 10 has always been a sleepy head ever since birth pretty much she has slept through the night. It just shows you how very different two children can be. As for DH he is my DS step dad, i was widowed when i was pregnant, thats another story. I think i feel an obligation to get up to him because hes my son , i feel guilty i suppose. I also am in bed by 10.00 every night, i dont think i could go to bed earlier. I do give my son lots of praise its just very hard to remain bright and jolly when you feel so stretched, plus he is very miserable and grumpy by the time he goes to school so i think we are just winding each other up.

Could you keep him up a bit later at night?

My DS has never needed as much sleep as some of his friends and at your son's age my DS would have been going to bed at around 8 or 8.30.

It may need to be a very gradual move. So if you now put him to bed at 7, keep him up till 7.30 for a week. Then 7.45 for a week. Then 8pm for a week. He may then sleep a bit longer.

I think that is probably the answer, i used to live next door to someone whos little boy used to go to bed around 10.30 and his Mother told me that he would wake up at 4.00 in the morning if he went to bed at a "normal" time. I used to think she was crazy but i am now coming round to her way of thinking.

Hmmm, that's a lot less sleep than most boys of his age, he's getting 9 hours a night, rather than 11 or 12.

What's waking him at 4am? Is it always 4am on the dot? Does your heating or anything come on then?

Does he seem extra tired at the end of the day? How's he doing at school?

He just seems wide awake and ready to go. To be honest he only seems to get really tired around tea time and then by 7.00 clock he seems to have a second wind. The heating comes on at 6.00 so thats not it. Like i say i am at the end of my tether and just wishing that i could enjoy his younger years instead of feeling like i am in a permanent haze.

Later bedtime. We put ds (2.6) to bed between 8.30 and 9 - if we put him to bed before 8 he'd definitely be awake at 5am. A curtailed evening is worth the reasonable 7-8am getting-up time IMHO.