4 month old cries every bedtime

[sunnyfields25]

Hi

I'm posting on here in desperation, in the hope someone can suggest something we haven't tried.

DD has only just turned 4 months. Her daytime naps are generally good. We have some bad days where they're all 30 mins long, and if we miss the 'window' it can take forever to get her to sleep. But on a good day she'll have at least one decent-length nap and will nod off in most places if given the dummy at the right moment - on her play mat, on our bed, in the car, in the pram etc.

However, bedtime is a whole different ballgame. Every night without fail, she cries and cries when put in her crib. It doesn't seem to matter whether she's had long naps, short naps, three or four naps, long or short awake time before bed, early or late bedtime. I feed her, pop dummy in and lay her in the crib, and then the crying starts. I've tried rocking the crib, stroking her head, hand on tummy. She's quite heavy but DH tries carrying her round the room. Nothing works and the crying continues until I try feeding her again to calm her down. This usually works but it doesn't seem like she's hungry, just that it's the only way she can calm down. Sometimes she nods off feeding, sometimes she doesn't and we're back to square one. After all the crying, when she finally nods off she normally only sleeps for 30 mins and then she wakes hysterical again.

I remember having a similar problem with my DS but I think once we'd picked him up to hold him he settled. And once he was asleep, that was it until the dream feed.

It's just bizarre that she settles so easily herself during the day, but at bedtime it's like she's forgotten how to sleep.

I'm finding it so difficult spending every evening trying to soothe a crying baby for hours on end. And have ended up just not eating tea the past few nights as I can't fit it in anywhere. Does anyone have any ideas?

Have you tried just keeping her downstairs until you go to bed OP?

4 month regression! This is a thing. It doesn't go on for long, but it seems like hell for a few weeks. I remember the burnt dinners and the tag teaming we did.

I think keep her downstairs with you. I believe they need to sleep on the same level as you until 6 months.

She's only a tiny baby still and you know it gets better so why battle so hard yet. Reconsider at 6 months I would.

I don't have children so I can't comment on how hard the sleeping regime is, but could she be kept with you to drift of to bed in a Moses basket downstairs and then be taken up to the cot when she's asleep? It sounds a bit like separation anxiety which would explain the difference between a nap in a pram during the day and being put in a cot and left at bedtime?

I’m on number 4 and don’t even think about bedtimes till 6 months plus cos they don’t know the rules till then.

I think DS had to be fed or rocked to sleep for every nap/sleep until he was about 10 months. In the evenings he just slept on one of our naps until I was ready to go to bed until he was six months, as I wasn't happy with him being in a different room due to SIDS risks and I knew he slept better that way. Just do what makes life easier for you.

4 months is too young to expect them to fall asleep by themselves. Falling asleep while feeding is biologically normal, especially for a baby so young.

They should also have all naps and nighttime sleep in the same room as you until they are at least 6 months old as it reduces the risk of SIDS.

I honestly think mums have been fed a lie about what babies should be doing in terms of sleep. They are completely helpless babies who, from an evolutionary perspective, want to be close to their caregiver to ensure survival. Have you tried relaxing the nighttime schedule and seeing if she will sleep in the lounge during the evening?

With my three, I’ve always just believed they will sleep when they are tired and haven’t been focused on a routine. They have all fed to sleep no problem.

I’m on number 4 and don’t even think about bedtimes till 6 months plus cos they don’t know the rules till then

Mine never read the rules at that age either

The 4 month sleep regression can really make changes to how a young baby can put themselves to sleep.

I used to feed or rock to sleep at that age. Its too young to sleep train and too young to cry yo sleep imo, sorry. I know its tough

Thanks for the messages, I wasn't sure anyone would reply!

Sorry I should have clarified that we don't leave DD upstairs - once she's in bed one of us stays in the bedroom to get on with bits and bobs like folding washing or doing the online food shop. And before all the crying starting, I was sometimes taking the opportunity to have an early night myself.

We were just keeping DD downstairs with us in the evening but reached a point where she couldn't seem to settle downstairs as she was getting disturbed by the noise of us cooking tea, having the telly on quietly etc. We were finding ourselves creeping around, whereas at least now whoever is downstairs can whizz round getting things done at a normal volume.

I would happily feed or rock DD to sleep. This used to work fine with DS. But she doesn't seem to be wired the same way, it's almost as if she finds it annoying when I hold her if she's sleepy. She's normally happy in the day just nodding off herself, which is why it's confusing that at nighttime she can't do that. But she also doesn't want me to rock her

Honestly if I could keep her downstairs for the evening and just feed or hold her to sleep I would, I think I've given the impression I'm fixed on having a routine and leaving DD to sleep in a room herself, or that I would leave her to cry, which isn't the case. I don't care how she falls asleep, I just want her to not be upset every night.

Witching hour. Mine was like this. She was just miserable in the evenings for while.

Have you tried playing a white noise app on your phone? This often worked for us in the end, but sometimes it was just a case of putting her in the sling, getting on with things and hoping she would settle eventually...

Have you tried white noise plus a pram rockit? That combo got mine off every night in a pram to sleep until we actually went up to bed.

My second child got fussy and didn't want to be held to sleep. But putting her down with a Rockit vibrating her either a treat after some initial crying.

Thanks, yes I wondered about the witching hour as I definitely remember that from when DS was little. I thought we'd dodged that! Or it could be the sleep regression as a PP mentioned. I'm dreading this evening already. It not the not sleeping, I can handle that. It's DD being upset and not being able to help her. She ends up so tired with red eyes, but just can't seem to drop off. Ugh.

We have the white noise going and it normally works. Started using it during the day mainly to drown out the racket that DS makes when in the same room for naps Thanks for the tip about the Rockit - not heard of them but I'll have a look!

Rockit portable baby rocker. Fits any stroller, pram, pushchair or buggy https://www.amazon.co.uk/dp/B076KP7HKW/ref=cmswwrcppapiglttfabcT7E6KKDJ6WBP7FVR22KK

A bit pricey but there will some on marketplace too.

Have you considered colic? We had uncontrollable crying and then by six months it just went away.