Baby won’t nap?!

[olivia40404]

Sleep question! Baby is 7 weeks old. Sleeps well at night in her own moses basket (usually sleeps 10pm-3am, wakes for a feed, then goes back to sleep till about 6:30am - Probably getting a total of 7 ish hours sleep at night). We are having difficulty with naps. I try and follow her wake windows, tiredness cues etc but she will sometimes be awake for hours. Literally the only way I can get her to have a nap is to put her in stretchy wrap.

She hasn’t napped away from me since she was about a week old. She won’t sleep on anyone else, not even her dad. It’s making me feel claustrophobic. If I’m not feeding her she’s sleeping on me, if she’s not doing either of those she’s crying and I’m the only one who can settle her. I literally don’t get time away from her at all and haven’t done for weeks.

I know it’s normal, I do. 4th trimester is hard. But is there ANYTHING I can do that I haven’t tried already to get her to even just have one nap away from me a day? She won’t feed to sleep, she won’t take a dummy. She hates a regular swaddle so we have her in an arms up swaddle that she loves at night. Tried that in the day, hates it, tried white noise, tried a dark room, tried a light room. So far any and all attempts have just led to a baby who is awake for 8 or more hours and so overtired she is inconsolable.

I also have a 20 month old who needs me. I feel like I am literally neglecting her because this baby won’t leave me alone. It’s making me literally hate the baby. Any support/tips/advice welcomed 😅

If I read your third paragraph, it makes me see that you need to redefine the words "won't" and "hates" in terms of your baby.

Your baby has no capacity to "hate" anything. She doesn't have intellectual development for preference. She has needs and when those needs aren't met she cries. The cry probably doesn't relate to the thing you think she hates.

Likewise "won't". That she won't do something is not fixed. She won't...yet. But that doesn't mean you stop working on it. Imagine you couldn't breastfeed and your baby wouldn't take a bottle. This would be so essential that you would just keep going and trying until baby took the bottle. Because the alternate is no calories and grave outcomes - so "wont" isn't an option. It's just hard work to get them accepted.

Back to paragraph 3, in particular:

she won’t take a dummy. She hates a regular swaddle

I think you have to focus on these in a much more essential way.

You say she She hates a regular swaddle - why? Because she screams and wriggles against the swaddle? I'd counter that the baby-fury is because she's exhausted and needs to sleep. Nothing to do with the swaddle. The swaddle actually helps a frustrated, highly distressed baby. The forced lack of stimulation, like it was in the womb, is calming. A calm, content baby doesn't need a swaddle. A screaming newborn always does.

Dummy. She won’t take a dummy.... yet. I'm not surprised given the level of distress. But if you get out of this downward spiral and she isn't so frustrated and overtired, if you keep trying the dummy is worth it's weight in gold - absolutely essential. So keep trying.

Finally - with a toddler aswel, don't entertain any idea of your baby being upstairs to sleep in the day. Your toddler needs you downstairs. Bouncy chair is the ideal place for baby to sleep in the day. Or pram pushed back and forth on the spot.

Thank you for your comment.
I appreciate what you are saying. In terms of the swaddle - We have been trying since she was born, she has never slept in a swaddle with her arms down. We bought a velcro one to eliminate the possibility that we aren’t swaddling effectively, she would NOT sleep. As soon as we bought an arms up swaddle bag thing she slept 6 solid hours at night. I’m convinced she doesn’t like having her arms strapped down.

In regards to the dummy, she has a high palate and a tongue tie that’s just been snipped and they commented that her gag reflex is very sensitive, which is something we are working on with movement in her mouth with our fingers. She physically can’t take a dummy right now, it makes her gag until she vomits.

I appreciate you are trying to help. But these things really do not work for my baby. I know they do for some as my first baby loved being swaddled and loved a dummy. But please understand that these things just do not work for our baby so we are trying to find other solutions. Maybe we will try the pram in the living room.

Not all babies want or need a dummy. To says it's essential is absolute nonsense! My second never took to a dummy. She never fed from a bottle either.

OP I assume you have tried daytime naps in the Moses basket in the same room as you? Try and just build it into her routine eg after a feed and nappy change just pop her in it while you clear up after the change, wash your hands etc. Talk to her quietly so that she knows you are there. If she starts screaming pick her up again, but do it every time. Hopefully she will start to doze off after time.

OK, I understand.

But is there ANYTHING I can do that I haven’t tried already to get her to even just have one nap away from me a day?

A long car journey?

A pushchair/pram walk with a double buggy?

A pram walk while leaving toddler with her Dad?

Bouncy chair while you and toddler sit on sofa and watch a film?

Pram pushed back and forth on the spot in the house or back garden?