Why won’t my baby sleep?

[Paperyfish]

Why won’t my 5 month old sleep? I am at my wits end. She just won’t sleep. Why?
We have…..
White noise
Pink light
A bedtime routine
Her own comfy cot
We leave her to self settle, but do pu pd if she gets distressed
Her own room in which I sleep on a roll out next to her cot
Her room is a good temperature
We are consistent on day naps
She is not hungry
She is just…….awake
All the bloody time
I am broken.
Why the hell won’t she sleep?
My Nct friends complain when their baby only does 3 hour blocks. I wish my baby would do three hour blocks. Even 2 hour blocks would do.
I want to stop.
Yes, I’ve tried cot sleeping. No, it doesn’t work
I honestly think my baby hates me

In the kindest way, are your expectations very high? Written down it doesn't look like she's having loads and loads of sleop, but some pretty decent stretches overnight all the same...

Probably not much help but mine only really started sleeping in big chunks from 6 months when I stopped BF and started on formula and proper food.

At 5 months mine was still doing 30-45 minute naps and it was driving me crazy.

Are you still feeding at night? Could you do a dream feed at 11pm ish?

Oh I meant to say that it also just changed one day - nothing I seemed to do!

One day she slept through at 7 months. The night before she hadn't. I was convinced it was developmental

It's really not you op. You haven't done / not done anything. Well, I suppose it might be in that science says sleep is largely genetic. But I like to blame my husband for our 2 shocking sleepers.

5 months is still very little. Do what you need to do to get through it. With my eldest i changed to formula feeding at this age because I could. Not. Function. With my youngest we put him in his own room early and dh and i did half the night each camped out in with him, when I was 'off' I put ear plugs in. I ended up sleep training both and using a sleep consultant.

My first slept with one wake up a night from 3 weeks... by 8 weeks she'd go down at 7 most nights (bear with me)... then we hit the 4 month sleep regression.

Our wake ups were like the ones you've just listed. It was brutal. I was laregly on my own as DH was rennovating our new house.

Now my problem was that I had always fed her to sleep, so everytime she woke up I had to feed (breastfeeding).

I realise that isn't your problem.

This carried on for 2 months (where I tried extra feeding in the day, adjusting nap times, dummies, blah blah blah). I waited until she was 6 months and then I did controlled crying. (Not a popular choice on here).

She is 4 now and she sleeps for 12 hours every night and if she isn't at nursery she will still have a 2 hour nap during the day.

I am not going to try and give you advice because I I don't have any (my second was a completely different story and didn't sleep well til he was 1 and even then it was hit and miss), but I do want to give you hope. Bad sleep now does not mean bad sleep forever.

In the meantime take ANY help you can get and don't be afraid to ask for it. Sleep whenever you can, even if only for a very quick nap (Google sleep debt). You will get through this.

My third is now 6 weeks so back to sleepless nights and I find I feel much better on days where I am out and about (though be wary of driving). A sofa day now and then is fab but definitely makes you feel even more tired and desperate to sleep.

She is getting loads of sleep. She was only awake once last night. I'm not really sure what you're expecting, meant in the kindest way possible.

Based on what you've written about yesterday, she clearly wasn't ready to down for the night until about 9pm. Stop battling to get her to bed earlier. Ditch all tne bath, bottle bed nonsense. They don't need it. Have her sit downstairs with you until 9pm. Then take her upstairs and feed to sleep.

Night time looks fine. She was back to sleep within the hour.

I've had two babies by the way. Neither of them went to bed at 7pm until they were older.

See, when you are sleep deprived and waking up every 3 hours for 15 mins it does not feel like a good night. It feels like torture. So let’s be kind to the OP.

I stuck to the 7 pm bedtime because that’s sort of what I was aiming for in the long run and because DH was home then so could also take over a bit.

I think OP your baby is an average sleeper for her age. You need to gently nudge her perhaps towards a longer daytime nap (will she do a second 40 min stint on you?) and help her connect at least one of the sleep cycles. If mine slept 10-3 with one shush/pat in the middle I considered that a very good night.

@Paperyfish

She has a bath at 6pm. Half hour wind down in bed room with dim lights same lullaby amd cuddles Bed at 7 Into cot drowsy but awake. I sit by her cot until she settles to sleep. This can take upwards of 40 mins. If she gets upset I start by reassuring her by patting, sushing. If she properly cries I pick her up and calm her for a minute or two, but return her to the cot to fall asleep on her own. Last night she… Sleep at 7 Woke 7.45 Sleep 8 Woke 9.10 Sleep 9.15 Woke 1.30 Sleep 2.00 Woke 2.15 Sleep 2.30 Woke 6.00 So far today … Bottle at 7 Put down for nap 8. Woke 8.45 Bottle 11 Put down for nap 12.15 Woke 1.10

Nothing works.

So at 5 months old, she only properly woke once last night. She wasn't ready for bed until 9pm. It could be rewritten as:

Night
7pm bottle
7-9pm fussy, I'd have had her on my lap drifting on and off while I watch TV.
9pm - Bed (I'd have given bottle here)
4.5h sleep
1.30-2.30 awake. I'd have given a bottle.
3.5h sleep
6am woke

Daytime
8-8.45 nap - perfect
12.15-1.10 nap - 2h awake time would be better, so start this nap at 10am.

I'd have maximum of 2h awake time throughout the day.

Yup, sorry didn't read your timings properly, just saw the bit in the middle and assumed she was up all night.

To be clear, with my first, when it was bad I was up every 45 minutes to an hour.

I think that 1 'proper' wake up between 9 and 6 is pretty good going at that age and taking 45 mins to change, feed, settle is pretty normal.

I agree with @FATEdestiny maximum awake time during the day will probably help naps and make her easier to settle.

If you are struggling with the awake time in the middle then the best thing I can suggest is to get comfy sitting up in bed with a book on a Kindle or a boxset on your phone and headphones if you have a partner. When DC3 was born and awake from 12am-5am feeding constantly a decent boxset kept me sane.

I know its hard and 4 hour chunks of sleep don't leave you feel rested but this will pass and you will get through it. But do ask others for help so you can get a decent sleep every now and then if you possibly can.

When your baby gets to 6 months you can try the Ferber method. That’s what I did with my second son.

You can definitely do this and things do get better, it’s not your parenting. Mumsnetters tend to hate any mention of controlled crying but it helps countless kids sleep better. It’s better to let them cry for a short period for a few nights than have months and months of multiple wake ups, upon which they’d cry anyway and lead you to tears while there at it.

Happy mum, happy baby….

Well, I’m guess I’m just a bit pathetic then. I fell useless

Do you have a partner?
The only way we’re coping with our 5 month old is that we take it in turns to sleep in the room with him and we swap over half way through the night.
(And yes, my partner works but still does his share of the nights).

How do you feel about speaking to your HP about your mental health @Paperyfish?

As I mentioned before, you are catastrophising and clearly feeling very down. It's worth considering post natal depression - many mothers are not diagnosed until 6 months plus after giving birth. It isn't always straight after birth.

GP* (not HP)

Not pathetic at all! You are tired! Completely understandable. Is there anyone around who can help out??

God knows where I would have been without my DH and our families. I have my hat off to single mothers or mums who have partners who don't help and no other support! Please stop beating yourself up, you aren't doing anything wrong at all.

Op I totally get it, I went to the doctors for blood tests and all sorts when my Dd was 5m old, I felt so terrible I genuinely thought i was ill. Nope, 'just' sleep deprivation.

@Paperyfish are you okay? How are you feeling? Do you have anyone who can give you a break?

@Paperyfish

Well, I’m guess I’m just a bit pathetic then. I fell useless

You are absolutely not pathetic. One of the difficult things about babies is that even when their sleep is developmentally normal and ‘good’ for their age, it can still be totally exhausting and make you feel broken.

Can you get some respite by going somewhere for an overnight break now and then? Can you stay with a friend or family member for a night? Just getting one uninterrupted night every so often can make all the difference while you wait out this difficult phase.

Her sleep is going to get better, and you will sleep again. In the meantime, it’s about doing what you can to survive it.