Putting 10 month old bf baby in own bed

theworldhasgoneinsane · 2021-08-19T22:35:06+00:00

Hi all, So I'll try to keep this brief but include all necessary details. DD is 10 months old, exclusively breast fed. Fed to sleep, I've co slept for months now since the 4 month sleep regression (before this she was in next to me). To begin with it was the best way to get some sleep. The past month or so she wakes all night wanting to be on the boob, wriggles, whinges, kicks me and I'm now getting no sleep, it's not working anymore. We feel that she is perhaps waking as she knows I'm there. I want to try and get her in her own bed in the hope that me and her get better sleep. Is this a realistic goal? Am going to continue bf until she is at least 1. She also sleeps on me for her daytime naps, or in pushchair/car. I've tried tonight putting her in her cot in her room but she was having none of it! Wasn't expecting any different to be honest. I'm not comfortable with letting her cry really, or at least not for long. I don't want to be cruel to her but just want the best thing for all of us. Any advice from people who have been through similar would be most appreciated.

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MilkCereal · 19/08/2021 23:45

Oh it's so hard isnt it?! I'm not great on advice as I rocked and fed mine to sleep but did usually get them in their cot for part of the night with lots of patience and shushing etc. I should add I never left to cry as didnt agree with it. I was doing battle with dd once to get her to sleep and door bell went. I left her in cot for 2 minutes to answer the door and in that time she decided to settle herself! Once I could see she could do this we turned a corner but I still didnt leave to cry.

My advice is start to aim for day sleeps in cot and at least going to sleep at first in cot. So put down once half asleep and keep a firm hand on her so she knows you're their. Rock or pat in cot and try not to pick up unless crying. I did warm sheets/ t shirt that smelt if me etc. But honestly it was sheer hard work and lots of cuddling and putting down again as soon as stopped crying.

Goodluck it does get better.

LGBirmingham · 20/08/2021 07:05

Have you considered a floor bed? Works great for us! Just feed to sleep and roll away.

FTEngineerM · 20/08/2021 07:07

Maybe night weaning will help, it did for us.
Also DS didn’t like the confines of a cot, when we worked that out our lives were much better.

mayblossominapril · 20/08/2021 07:09

I feed/rock my 12 month old to sleep then carefully put her in her cot. She does sleep better in her cot but not quite all night
Make sure your baby eats enough during the day otherwise they’ll just want to feed at night.

ClaraLane · 20/08/2021 07:09

Can you feed her to sleep and then move her? That’s what I did with DD who I fed until 17 months and what I’m doing with DS (12 months).

Pissinthepottyplease · 20/08/2021 07:12

Floor bed! Ideally with a 3/4 size double mattress.

Element4056 · 20/08/2021 07:22

Mine is the same, he's 8 months old and we coslept until he was 7 months. I found he always wants to be on the boob all night when we slept on the bed together, it was exhausting and neither of us we're getting any sleep. He was exclusively breastfed, and still is breastfeeding alongside weaning.
He now sleeps in his cot, although not reliably through the night and there are many days we still end up in bed together as he cries in cot and wants multiple feeds thoughtout the night.
What worked for me, is making sure he's had enough to eat and drink throughout the day. Also transitioning him into cot by starting off with daytime naps. For nighttime sleep, I feed him to sleep and then slowly tuck him into the cot once he is in deep sleep.
Hope this helps

110APiccadilly · 20/08/2021 07:33

We've never done co-sleeping, but DD (nearly nine months) used to feed to sleep until a week or so ago. We had similar problems - she suddenly wanted to be attached to my boob all the time she was asleep (previously fell asleep feeding and then I would put her in the cot). Our first step has been DH doing bedtime to break the feed to sleep link. So I feed her, then she has a story, then DH takes her to her room and cuddles her while she goes to sleep, then she goes in the cot asleep. I can't do this because she just goes frantic trying to feed, but it does work with DH doing it. There has been a bit of crying at DH but not a lot (couple of minutes at most).

We're then planning on putting her in the cot awake, with DH staying with her to comfort. We'll see how that bit goes!

footprintsintheslow · 20/08/2021 07:52

I would start day time naps in cot.
Take them up at nap time, change them and feed then into cot.
Repeat for each nap and also bedtime.

Original poster

theworldhasgoneinsane · 20/08/2021 08:00

Thanks everyone for replies and some really good advice. I'll just answer some questions generally...

Iv thought of a floor bed as an option but her room isn't very big and we've got the cot there waiting for her.

I would love DH to do bedtimes but when she gets tired she only want me and doesn't even want him holding her!

Iv read a bit about night time weaning, and would reduce night feeds to an extend but she has various allergies so I'm not sure I want to reduce the amount of milk too much.

Does anyone have a baby this age and let them have teddies/blanket in the cot with them? It just looks so big and empty and she's been used to being in our cuddly bed! I'm going to put her cot sheet in our bed today so it smells of me.

Interesting what people have said about making sure they've had plenty to eat throughout the day, she does have quite a bit but perhaps I'll try giving her a little snack before bed, especially if she hasn't had much of her tea.

OP posts:

birdsong7 · 20/08/2021 08:05

Probably not ideal advice but my 4 yo was usually a wonderful sleeper but the odd occasion we would have to get in her cot with her until she fell asleep, she would sleep until morning then.

I'm currently EBF our 4mo so she is In the 4 month regression at the moment 🥴🙃
I'm trying everything but put her in bed with me to avoid this. She's had a couple of nights with us and I definitely sleep worse (she loves it and is very content which is lovely) and wake up so achey! But I am currently feeding her to sleep for naps and bedtime. Following this thread for some advice hopefully

Good luck OP! The lack of sleep is torture.

birdsong7 · 20/08/2021 08:17

@theworldhasgoneinsane

Thanks everyone for replies and some really good advice. I'll just answer some questions generally...

Iv thought of a floor bed as an option but her room isn't very big and we've got the cot there waiting for her.

I would love DH to do bedtimes but when she gets tired she only want me and doesn't even want him holding her!

Iv read a bit about night time weaning, and would reduce night feeds to an extend but she has various allergies so I'm not sure I want to reduce the amount of milk too much.

Does anyone have a baby this age and let them have teddies/blanket in the cot with them? It just looks so big and empty and she's been used to being in our cuddly bed! I'm going to put her cot sheet in our bed today so it smells of me.

Interesting what people have said about making sure they've had plenty to eat throughout the day, she does have quite a bit but perhaps I'll try giving her a little snack before bed, especially if she hasn't had much of her tea.

Yes maybe try some warm weetabix or porridge with your milk in before bed. Metabolically speaking, she doesn't need the night feeds so it will all be for comfort/habit.

Kimblebee19 · 20/08/2021 08:41

I night weaned slowly and continued to co sleep until DS fully weaned / until co sleeping was no longer working for us. I fed him back to sleep for his mid-night wake up but after that when he'd wake i'd tell him milk was sleeping, restricted access to the breast (tight top etc. -have heard of people having success putting plasters on nipples but I didnt need to go that far!) cuddle him close and pretend to go back to sleep (heavy breathing/light snoring sounds!). He quickly got the idea that he couldnt get at the milk and accepted the tight cuddle instead and went back to sleep. I initially did offer water instead, but that was no longer necessary once he knew he wasnt getting the boob, since the wakings at that point were for comfort not nutrition.

ClaraLane · 20/08/2021 09:40

Feeding for comfort is still a valid reason to feed though 🤷🏼‍♀️ If OP is happy to feed baby overnight then why stop? I’d be inclined to feed to sleep (which is biologically normal and not a bad habit at all), transfer to cot and see how she does. Maybe sleep with a muslin or comforter shoved down your top for a few days and put that in bed with her. Make sure she’s warm enough too, she’ll wake more if she’s cold and don’t be afraid to employ white noise if necessary. We have it for both our children.

Original poster

theworldhasgoneinsane · 20/08/2021 10:14

@birdsong7

Probably not ideal advice but my 4 yo was usually a wonderful sleeper but the odd occasion we would have to get in her cot with her until she fell asleep, she would sleep until morning then.

I'm currently EBF our 4mo so she is In the 4 month regression at the moment 🥴🙃
I'm trying everything but put her in bed with me to avoid this. She's had a couple of nights with us and I definitely sleep worse (she loves it and is very content which is lovely) and wake up so achey! But I am currently feeding her to sleep for naps and bedtime. Following this thread for some advice hopefully

Good luck OP! The lack of sleep is torture.

Yes the 4m sleep regression was a killer for me too. I tried to avoid co sleeping for about a month then gave in when I got poorly from no sleep. I found I got achy for a while but this improved when I got used to feeding laying down. I don't regret co sleeping, and if it was still working I'd carry on but it's not. Good luck 🤞🏻 I hope you find a way which works for you

OP posts:

Original poster

theworldhasgoneinsane · 20/08/2021 10:15

@ClaraLane

Feeding for comfort is still a valid reason to feed though 🤷🏼‍♀️ If OP is happy to feed baby overnight then why stop? I’d be inclined to feed to sleep (which is biologically normal and not a bad habit at all), transfer to cot and see how she does. Maybe sleep with a muslin or comforter shoved down your top for a few days and put that in bed with her. Make sure she’s warm enough too, she’ll wake more if she’s cold and don’t be afraid to employ white noise if necessary. We have it for both our children.

I tend to be the same mind set as you @ClaraLane I don't want to deny her to comfort and I'm actually fine with still doing night feeds but with her in her own bed in between- if this is possible.

OP posts:

ClaraLane · 20/08/2021 12:29

It’s definitely possible, we found that DS preferred sleeping on his front when he got older and it meant he stirred less in the night so could be worth a try if you feel comfortable with it.

With my daughter I was so worried about what I “should” be doing that I stopped doing what worked for us and what got me the most sleep. My husband seemed to be more bothered than me that she was waking up to feed and wanted me to night wean her but when I pointed out that if he wanted me to wean her he would become the one getting up with her he quickly changed his mind 🙄 with DS now I’m happy to get up in the night and give him a quick 20 minute feed after which he goes straight back to sleep rather than spend umpteen hours rocking and patting him back to sleep.

Hodan85 · 20/08/2021 12:36

We had the exact same situation; my wife fed to sleep, bed shared until DS was 16 months. He had never slept through the night and he'd started feeding more regularly - this will likely happen for you I'd guess. We used The Baby Sleep Solution (audio book is good!), he went from tough to get to sleep, countless feeds/waking in the night to off boob and full nights sleep in three nights - my wife didn't know what to do with herself we had so much more time and better sleep!

I'm very aware that not all methods work for everyone, but its a non-cry it out method for sleep too, so quite friendly! I am also aware that your DD is younger, although the book gives different instructions for different ages, so I'm sure it could be of some help. Good luck!

Hodan85 · 20/08/2021 12:37

The Baby Sleep Solution is written by Lucy Wolfe by the way

birdsong7 · 20/08/2021 15:25

Sorry - I don't know if my message came across in the wrong way. I absolutely agree you should feed for comfort. My baby definitely has lots of comfort feeds during the day and over night and I have no plan to stop. Just hoping it reduces to 1-2 over night rather than every hour we're experiencing at the moment!

Could you get a chair in her room OP? Maybe then you could feed her in there and then put her in her cot and see how she gets on

Original poster

theworldhasgoneinsane · 20/08/2021 17:26

No it's fine @birdsong7 it came across just fine I get what you meant and I feel that same, thank you.

Thank you to everyone posting even if I'm not addressing comments directly I'm taking them all on board.

I'm going to look at that book as I feel like I need something to follow. With my first DD who is now 8 she had a great routine but was formula fed (I found that made a difference for us) but breastfeeding has de skilled me a bit because I've always relied on my boobs to settle her 😂

OP posts: