18 week old & a sleep deprived wife

[ConcernedHubby69]

Hey guys, i have no doubt this subject has been posted to death and i apologise i have no idea what the abreviations mean in the other posts such as DS etc.

To give a little background as i appreciate all babies are entirely different. My Wife & I have a beautiful baby girl who is now 4 & half months old (breastfed) whilst awake, she is fantastic, developing well in terms of growth, her motor functions seem to be advancing well, she can roll over, holds her head up indefinately, uses her hands well and is already making the movements towards crawling. Her social skills seem on track but still little babbling and only giggled once (for the mother in law >

No advice on improving the sleep I'm afraid but my daughter at that age would only nap for 30 mins at a time and woke like clockwork. Nothing I tried extended those naps but one morning at around 8/9 months she napped for 3 hours straight and ever since then has had 2 decent length naps a day. She wasn't as bad as you describe at night but we managed the sleep deprivation by taking shifts overnight. Will your baby take a bottle of expressed milk? The first year is pretty much just survival-could you do bath and bedtime whilst your wife has a little sleep?

Will she take a dummy? Have you tried giving her a bottle of formula or expressed breast milk as a last feed to give your wife a chance for an early night and a solid block of sleep? Have you looked into co sleeping?

4 month sleep regression? They will carry on until they learn to self soothe from what I read 🤷🏼‍♀️

No real advice just ride it sorry to say. My LO was like this and DP took her 7pm till 11pm/12am and then I do the rest. Gave me some sleep.

The key I was always advised on mumsnet is settle LO where they fall asleep, always needs to be from fully awake too. Not drowsy. Pop LO in cot and hold hand firmly to chest, while shhhh or what you prefer.

Could try a dummy? Love the dummy, as that helps them learn to self soothe.

Does she have a dummy?
Would she take a bottle of expressed milk?
I also used to take my LO out in the pram for a nap in the day to have a longer sleep.

No advice just sympathy. All my kids had short naps at that age then around 7 8 months it's like something clicks and they nap longer. Both great nappers after that.
All my kids woke frequently throughout the night - about the same as your but never ever any less (so no sleeping through ever, not once). First baby every 45 mins for first three months, then every 90 mins for next three for example.
At this age apart from all the things that gently encourage them (like nice bright engaging days and calm dark nights, good sleep environment etc) which you are doing I don't think there is anything you can do.
That's not meant to sound hopeless, there just isn't really anything. So it's time to adapt. Go to bed early, work out between you how to get through this time.
Searching around for something to 'do' to change this will.likely just make you feel worse.
I pretty much fed (breastfed) my babies on every wake up, quickest way to get them back, everyone happier and sleepier, although truly exhausting for me. But that's babies in my experience.
Later you could look into sleep training, but not now.
So it's accept and adapt at this point in my opinion!

In terms of helping your wife, try to get her as much sleep as possible. So sleeping at weekends, or if your work is flexible, taking a spot of annual leave if there is a rough patch so that she can catch up on sleep. Do some batch cooking so that there are meals there that can be microwaved when just too tired. And it sounds like you keep doing what you are doing.

It does eventually get better.

Not much advice I’m afraid as my DD (dear daughter) was very similar at that age and it’s brutal. What helped us was figuring out how to breastfeed lying down, and safe she’d sharing - meaning I wasn’t really woken for some of the night feeds.
I know others introduced a bottle of expressed breast milk around that age just so Dad could take little one in a different room from 8pm-midnight, or 5-9am for example and give Mum a solid stretch of time to herself.

Safe bed sharing - not shed sharing

Work in shifts. My first was a non sleeper until 3 years old (sorry!), then she suddenly started sleeping 7 to 7 and now she's impossible to wake for school in the morning. We too tried everything. Nothing changed. I'm convinced now that you either get a sleeper or you don't. So we worked in shifts. My husband got home from work at 5.30pm, quick shower while I breastfed her then I went to bed for as long as she would let me (also bottle refuser), he bought her in for feeds as needed and I stayed in bed until midnight when I took over shift. So I'd at least get 5 or 6 hours a day that way. Never really saw my husband but we coped and even had a second kid so things do work out. Good luck. The lack of sleep is torture so you have my sympathy

My baby is 4.5 months and I could have written every word of your post. Like, I am going through EXACTLY the same thing: short naps, bed at 7pm, needs resettling once or twice, then from midnight, we are up every 45mins- max. 3 hours. Up until the day she turned 4 months, she used to sleep through as well! So just know you have some solidarity! I reckon it's a phase and it's nothing you're doing that is the cause. We just need to ride it out. (Although if you do come up with a miracle-cure, do share.)

I think for you the best you can do is to take on what care you can when your home so she can get a shower, eat, have a nap etc. It might mean her sleeping for an hour or two earlier than you and you just bringing baby up for a feed if needed.

Also is she changing nappy etc when she feeds? Can you take that on? So she wakes, feeds baby and wakes you? She goes back to sleep and you do nappy and settle?

Not everyone likes this but we use teething gel with Lidocaine. It's an anaesthetic you put a tiny bit at the time. My kids really struggled with teething. Maybe yours does too. It can be very painful. Is she humming? Sometimes they don't cry, they hum ad nauseum

Also we coslept.... you still wake up but it's less disturbing as getting up. Don't know if you want to go that route but sometimes as a parent you need to make decisions for yourself, for your health and well-being.

Does she maybe have a touch of colic? Our little boy is the same atm, although much younger, he's fine during the day but nights are rough. We use dentinox colic drops and they seem to work wonders for him!

Other than that I'd just say share the load as much as possible but individually so you both get a chance at sleep.

All babies are different and tricky in their own ways. Even the 'perfect' babies have their problems at some point

My daughter will be 5 months this week. When the sleep regression hit I decided to bed share safely using advice from Le Leche League https://www.llli.org/the-safe-sleep-seven/

I would say just remember that a routine this young is super hard and not too realistic so whilst bath bed etc is all good if you want to go down that route I am more relaxed and just focus on her sleepy-cues and relax on the sofa together.

During the day I do contact naps and this is an opportunity for me to rest as well. I have this pillow which she feeds and sleeps on.
https://www.amazon.co.uk/dp/B08QZ12L7Y/ref=cmswwrcppapiglttfabcAR483J1PPYR9JCT2QPA6

You need to support by cooking, cleaning basically do everything to take the strain off your wife.

Also I find my son (my daughter was the same) settles and sleeps when in the body carrier, I could wear them while doing everyday tasks, and they get sleep and I get a break from soothing them and can just get on with things

Hello, 10mo old here. He used to be exactly like this until he could crawl. Then he slept well, now he’s sleeping terribly as he’s trying to walk - I imagine he won’t sleep well until he does walk.

I have no practical advice I’m afraid, she could be sleeping like this for so many reasons. Things do get better. But you both need to organise yourselves so that your wife can get more sleep. My DH, bless him, is a bit useless supporting me sleep wise so I’m a bit like a zombie!

Talk to your wife about what she needs. ASK her. Can she pump at all? I can’t so I understand if not.

And cosleeping has been a god send. I don’t get up, I just pop a boob out and he settles again. Do your research, make it safe. It will get easier, it won’t be like this forever. Babies aren’t made to ‘self-soothe’ ‘self-settle’. They sleep in 45 minute cycles and sometimes need support linking them. It’s so so so hard, so be there for your wife and work out ways she can get extra sleep.

So normal for a 4.5 month old. This sounds like the dreaded 4 month sleep regression. It helps if you think of it as a PROgression - their sleep cycles are maturing.

I started settling DD for all sleeps in her cot by putting her on her side, patting her bum in a firm upwards motion (apparently this mimics the action of the heart in utero) and shushing. I also used white noise and black out blinds for daytime. Some people say baby needs to learn to self settle to stop waking as frequently overnight but my DD started sleeping longer stretches after a few weeks of torture. She learned to self settle closer to 6/7 months.

Other things to consider are whether baby is getting overtired during the day. How long is your baby awake for in between each nap? Can you ever resettle baby when she wakes after 30 minutes? I had the most success with overnight sleep when I encouraged a longer nap in the middle of the day but this took practise and lots of resettling until my baby could link her sleep cycles in the day.

With regard to sleep consultants you can absolutely use one to help sleep train your child. Your baby is very young though and unless you want to do it very slowly it usually involves some crying. You can also cause low breastmilk supply by prematurely encouraging a baby to sleep through the night.

Breastfeeding was very important to me so I didn’t consider sleep training at this age. My DH supported me to get enough sleep by getting up early with the baby if she woke before 7 so I could sleep before he went to work. He cooked dinner every night and encouraged me to nap in the day between feeds.

This will pass!

Safe bed sharing/co sleeping and going to bed earlier? Or baby going to bed later? Also as pp said letting her settle where she will be sleeping.
Waking when cosleeping/ with a cot nest can be fine if Mum gets straight back to sleep, ie doesn’t have to get out of bed and the breastfeeding can make you feel sleepy sometimes.

Also it is unusual to have longer than 6 hours without feeding, much more usual to be spread out.
Myself I tried to sit on sofa feeding on and off (sometimes not much but sometimes went well) from 8-9 or later before settling them in bed.

@CustardyCreams

Sounds normal. New parents are supposed to be exhausted, didn’t you get the memo?

Thanks for taking the time to read the post and replying guys - It can be very isolating for the Mrs feeling she's the only one going through it so its nice to know there is friendly support out there.

@CustardyCreams - Gold star for you little buddy

@CustardyCreams

Sounds normal. New parents are supposed to be exhausted, didn’t you get the memo?

Would you have posted that to a mum posting the same issue??

4 month sleep regression. Hell. Nearly broke me, but we did get through it. Lasted 5 weeks in our house. I was lifting her as soon as she started stirring during the night so I tried to give her a few minutes to settle herself and it seemed to help, although that might have been a coincidence. I was BFing so it was mostly on me with no chance to catch up during the day as she only napped on me as well. DH did what he could overnight, and gave me a lie in each weekend morning.

Good luck, I hope it passes quickly. If it's any consolation my DD2 didn't do this at all, so you may get lucky if you go again.

It's just life as a parent. You just need to ride it out. Things will change eventually and there'll be new and different challenges.