18 month sleep regression - or is it?

[nursemum96]

Hi all! I’m new to mumsnet and frankly desperate. My LO is 19 months old and has generally been a good sleeper since birth on and off. I have recently been battling with the childminder who lets him sleep anywhere up to three hours 12pm-3pm before school run. This has been reduced to 1.5 hours maximum 2 and awake by 2pm everyday.

Around 3 months ago (16 months) we went through what I thought was the 18 month sleep regression - not going to bed or being remotely interested till 9/10pm and waking up full of beans at 4am for the day, night waking, etc. We came through that and since the hot weather especially have stuff to a really good routine of bath, bottle of milk (started back up with this) chill out on our bed and then put into the cot. He would go off to sleep. This lasted about 5 weeks.

We now seem to be back to not wanting to sleep and sometimes waking at 2am, some nights perfect 12 hour sleeping but has to go off on our bed and be carried to the cot. He will not go off to sleep on his own anymore. I’m 35 weeks pregnant and have been really strict with the bedtime routine, not giving in and bringing him downstairs if it doesn’t go to plan as I’m desperately worried about not having the energy to deal with both when new baby is born. I’m a student nurse who has slaved away through the pandemic, went back to work when LO was only 12 weeks old in the height of Covid and I’m just exhausted. DH is great and normally we are a good team, we’ve tried it all but tonight he has suggested I’m cruel for trying to let him cry it out and it’s not fair on LO. I agree, it isn’t but LO is very very advanced (apparently) for his age and knows exactly what to do to push my buttons and I end up loosing my cool after hours of failed bedtime and then having mum guilt. I’m trying not to make a rod for my own back ready for the new arrival, but I am exhausted and sometimes feel so alone. I’m like a broken record boring everyone I know with LO’s sleep troubles. There’s no escape from it and I dread bedtime.

Basically - any ideas? We wanted to get him into a bed prior to the new baby being born in September however have abandoned this idea all together following this regression as read it was good to not make bit changes and stay consistent. However I’m wondering if getting a single bed for LO might be a good idea and just to try? His room is big enough for cot and bed to bed in, he does fall asleep happily on our bed most nights (at varied times) so worst case scenario we have to lie with him to get him off to sleep and don’t have to risk waking him in transfer? Any advice??? Desperate !!!! Sorry for long post

Don't stop using the cot. That will create many, many more problems for you. If you're going to do something major, teach her to go to sleep in the cot. This will be far more successful and useful than moving to a bed before baby is emotionally developed enough to deal with it (usually from 3rd birthday onwards).

I'd also suggest you stop daytime naps being limited. 3h daytime sleep is normal for the age/stage, plus 11h night sleep. You're getting disturbed nights, so this means baby needs an opportunity to catch up on lost sleep - so a longer (and earlier) lunchtime nap is essential with this.

Remember that poor sleep leads to worse sleep. So a baby who is over tired and sleep deprived finds it harder to get to sleep and also wakes more easily in the light sleep phase. Compared to a well-rested baby, who should go from awake to asleep in about 10 minutes unaided and then is more likely to stay asleep in the light sleep phases - resulting in a longer chunk of sleep.

So you really need to prioritise getting your baby sleeping as much as possible. 12-3pm is ideal. It could even be 11am-3pm if it follows a really poor nights sleep (11-3 is better than 12-4 since it still allows enough awake time before bedtime).

Then at bedtime, work out a plan of action to get baby going to sleep in the cot.