Can’t get baby to sleep in bedside crib

[ExcitingTimes2021]

Hi everyone

Please could any experienced mums offer some words of wisdom please? My baby is only 10 days old but this week I cannot get her to sleep in the bedside crib! She will sleep in her pureflo pod during the day, will sleep in my arms, will sleep next to me but cannot get her down in her nighttime space.

As soon as I put her down within 20 mins she is fussing or screaming. The last three nights I have had to clear my side of the bed of duvets/pillows and just let her sleep next to me on my mattress just so I can get a couple hours. I do not enjoy co-sleeping at all as even though I’m following the co-sleeping guidance im terrified of something happening to her.

Anyone know what I can do to either make sure she is safe or get her into her own space at night? X

On my experience, there is no trick to it; it's just about carrying on putting her down in the pram/ playmat, crib and then picking her back up as soon as she needs it. This is totally normal, and I seem to remember that it often improves around the six week mark.

It helped me to shift my mindset. I stopped expecting my babies to sleep well during the night, or to try to solve it like a problem. Try to find other opportunities for you to get some unbroken sleep. Do you have anyone else at home?

Can't offer much help sorry but just to let you know I co slept with all 3 kids.

Actually when DD1 was a baby EVERY SINGLE PARENT I spoke to admitted in ushed voice, embarrassed that they never used their beautiful pricey crib

You should try to settle them in the crib, of course. But, personal experience, don't kill yourself trying to do it. DD1 refused to ever be put down to sleep and I spent HOURS trying to get in her crib. I eventually gave up..... You need to sleep! That needs to be a priority.

I'll be honest I used to put my DD in the pram bassinet on my bed next to me. We spent loads on a Snuzpod3 and it was the biggest waste of money, she absolutely hated it. Mamas gotta do what mamas gotta do! And if that's co-sleeping and you're safe, then do it. X

You can try different things like warming the cot before you put her in, white noise, those little vibration things. Ultimately though most babies just don't want to be in their cot sometimes. She's probably wanting to cluster feed at the minute and it's all just perfectly natural, bit of a pain in the arse, but absolutely normal.

You don't have to co-sleep 100% of the time but if you follow the safety advice and you are breastfeeding then it can be just as safe as a crib. You can co-sleep come nights and not others, it's not all or nothing, if you're feeling shattered then really it's going to be safer to co-sleep then to fall asleep holding her. It'll get better, then probably worse again, then better etc.

Enjoy your little newborn cuddles

Thanks everyone. I’m just terrified of something happening to her if I let her sleep next to me. I push my covers down and tuck them between my legs so she can’t sneak under them. Push the pillow back and secure it under my arm. I’m breast feeding. I don’t smoke and obviously not drinking at the moment. Partner does use an ecig but not upstairs. My mattress is a pocket mattress. I give her at least a meter space so she shouldn’t roll off, plus the crib is attached to bed so that provides a bit of a barrier. I put her on my side of the bed so partner can’t roll towards her. Like I said I hate doing it but I just needed a good uninterrupted hour or two. When I wake up I panic and check she is all ok. Then feel awful taking a potential risk and putting my needs before hers.

The health visitor came round yesterday for her first visit and she looked horrified when I said I had let her sleep next to me the last two nights. She said I shouldn't do it and she needs to be in the crib. She didn’t really like that I have the side down on the crib too. I said I would stop but last night it got to 5am and hadn’t settled longer then 10 mins so she came into my bed again and settled within 30 mins for two hours! I just want her to be safe x

@ExcitingTimes2021 Worst mistake telling the HV lol. They will strongly advise against it, but there comes a point were you have to start thinking about yourself. Lack of sleep can do horrible stuff to you and you wont be at full capacity to look after your bubs. X

@MyGrassIsBrowner yes I felt quite judged for being honest. The thing is the infant feeding team suggested co-sleeping to me in the first place as I said I had nodded off with her on my chest one evening. Struggled with breast feeding so sought support in week one!! X

I mean, what’s the alternative you don’t get ANY sleep then you have to be in charge of a newborn whilst absolutely hanging? That is not good. It’s far far far more dangerous to drop off on the sofa whilst cuddling your baby than planned co sleeping.

It will get easier but for now, they’ve been tucked up inside you for 9m. That’s all they’ve known. You’re not doing anything wrong.

@ExcitingTimes2021 The HV have to advise the correct guidelines which I get but they can be very judgemental. I too told my HV I was co-sleeping and she was horrified. Made me feel like I'd truly f*cked up. As long as you are following safe sleeping practices you will honestly be just fine. And both you and baby are going to be happy and that's what matters.
Breast feeding is exhausting in itself, I had to give up after the 2nd week as I was having a rough time of it as well as trying to recover from a fairly brutal birth. Had I carried on trying to be the martyr I'd have certainly ended up with PND and then what use am I to my baby then? Sometimes the professionals dont think about the detrimental effects these situations can have on us.
Hope you start managing to get some sort of routine going and things settle for you. I'm on baby no.2 now, currently 32 weeks so I'm bracing myself for it alllll again! Hehe x

Unfortunately there are things you shouldn't tell the MW.... I made the same mistake but in my case I just told her I had done it with the 2 other children (we used to live in another country) and I knew what I was doing. She got the veiled "back the f off" and didn't bother me anymore

Same here, Snuzpod3 hasn't had a look in the whole 9 months! I confessed to my HV that I was co-sleeping but as soon as I admitted it, she gave loads of helpful guidelines on safe sleep and was very supportive. She said that more recently they are allowed to offer advice on co-sleeping once they know you do it. They just can't recommend it off their own backs. So many women do it they would rather offer guidance than have something awful happen that could have been prevented. Co-sleeping is nature's way after all.

Maybe your HV needs a refresher course!

Contrary to other posters I would keep persisting with trying the cot. Definitely get a DP to hold baby whatever do you get some sleep and think about co sleeping but 10 days is just really early, even if you just try the cot once a day, I wouldn’t give up on it if you don’t like co sleeping. I hated it and I was so anxious I barely slept better than not sleeping at all BUT DD sleep continued to improve steadily and we did end up with a magic baby who was sleeping 8-10 hours without a feed, in a cot, regularly by 8-10 weeks. I had moments where I thought “oh she hates xxx” when the reality is they change SO FAST that it’s worth continuing with something you want to become the norm.

DH and I did shifts early on, he would stay up with her with her sleeping in a bassinet as much as poss and holding if not and then we’d switch sometime in the middle of the night. If you can do that, would strongly advise.

Welcome to the fourth trimester. I'm eight weeks into it and me and my partner are still taking it in turns to sit up with baby who hates the huge space and firmness of the bedside crib. It's just scary for many babies. They're used to a super cosy wet and warm space with our heartbeat.

We can't bed share as was prem so not safe. So we stay awake in shifts allowing her to get some rest on us.

Sometimes baby will sleep a bit in the lie flat carrycot off the pram so we take that upstairs.

HV says another week or two and things will shift as baby will start to feel less afraid.

My two were exactly the same, I co slept with both of them. Tried Moses Basket with DS1 and a swinging crib with DS2, made no difference at all. They just wanted to be with me, and out of need for sleep and it being much easier as they were both BF, we co-slept for around 7 months until they went into a cot.

I cosleep but I like a decent stretch of sleep when there’s just me in the bed
I used a fleece blanket as a sheet as it’s warmer to the touch, for my second I got a sheep skin. Warm the place you are going to put them with a hot water bottle.
I sort of wrapped mine in a blanket when I was nursing them and then they stayed wrapped up. They were loosely wrapped and I used either a fleece or knitted or crocheted blanket.
Wait until they are in a deepish sleep and you can lift an arm up with out any resistance but don’t wait too long to transfer.
It does take a bit of practice but it’s worth persevering

We used the Moses basket as ours wouldn’t sleep in the crib, I think it’s too big at that age. Just a word of warning with the co-sleeping, my husband had to wake me up once as my arm was across the baby’s face! This was just in the morning as didn’t want to do it at night, so just be careful!!

My DS2 is 9 weeks old and we were exactly the same as you for the first couple of weeks - reluctantly co-sleeping as it was the only way we could get any sleep. Have you tried feeding your baby while she's in the cot? We have a Snuzpod and I found it was just about possible to feed him to sleep while he lay in there, then slowly move away and zip up the side once he was sound asleep. It involved contorting myself into some strange positions, but was just about do-able and at least got him into the habit of sleeping in there. He's in there all night now, still waking 2-3 times a night but much improved, and at least I don't have the worry of co-sleeping any more. Might be worth a shot!

Well we have been trying to persevere putting her in her next to me. So far we have had just one successful night where she stayed all night in her crib.
However last night was horrendous. I took her up to bed at 9pm as she was showing her sleepy cues. We did her bedtime feed and she fell asleep on me. Transferred her to crib and all hell broke lose. She was crying and screaming til almost 1am. The only time she would settle was when I was nursing her. When we tried to move her she screamed again. So again she ended up in my bed next to me all night and as soon as she was out next to me she slept for almost 4 hours. Woke for a feed and then went back to sleep for another 2. Just had another quick feed and she has fallen asleep next to me again. She wouldn’t even settle in partners arms so I couldn’t have even gotten sleep if she took her away for a few hours!

So yes. Here I am still reluctantly co sleeping. Those who have managed to do it with their newborns safely please could you offer advise in your set up. If you read my post further up you will see I’m following the lullaby trust advice the best I can. But still worried about space, duvets, bedding, positioning, protecting her from rolling bodies or rolling out of bed etc…. Any advise of your successful set up would be greatly appreciated x