12 m o, perpetual sleep disaster, please send help

8 replies

TiredMacTiredface · 09/08/2021 06:28

DS is 12 months old, he hasn't slept longer than 5 hours at a stretch since he was 2 months old. He's breastfed, absolutely fine in every other way but we had the 8/9/10 month regression from hell (and i didn't even believe in regressions as a thing before that) where he was up every hour for 6 weeks. I've barely recovered from that and now he's averaging 2 hours between wakes, i'm averaging 4 hours (non consecutive) per night and i am done. I'm afraid this is ruining everything, i resent him, i feel myself gearing up every night for a battle. All he wants is to nurse. I try my best to make sure he eats enough in the day, but he's just walking and hasn't got time to sit still anymore to eat; naps have always been an issue but he does nap when he can't keep his eyes open.

I don't know what to do anymore, HVs want me to let him CIO but i don't think i can bear to. Bedtime routine is solid and he goes down ok, he just will not stay down. I can't give him calpol every night, anyway it doesn't always make a difference (if it does, it buys me 4 hours at a stretch - luxury). I'm beyond not being functional into the realm of almost falling over when i get up in the night to him, i nearly dropped him last night. And every wake makes me so angry i'm afraid of what i will do.

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

Stringervest · 09/08/2021 06:40

I'm so sorry you're experiencing this. Sleep deprivation is the worst.

It could be habitual waking (hard to know as every baby is different). We did controlled crying, which is different to CIO. It worked in a night for DD. Took about a week for DS but not every one of rose nights was tricky.

Both have been great sleepers since then. I don't think it's selfish to want to look after your mental health and it's important for your family to function. Your baby will feel better too for getting more sleep.

Stringervest · 09/08/2021 06:42

That wasn't very clear - should have said - it's important for your family for you to be able to function.

ShinyGreenElephant · 09/08/2021 06:52

Are you a single mum? If not, you need to take turns with your partner, doesnt matter if hes working, you need sleep. 4 hrs isn't sustainable. If you are, could your mum come and help for a couple of nights? So after the bedtime feed you go straight to sleep and another adult deals with all wakes until say 2/3am then you swap after you've had a good 6-8hrs sleep. Yes, baby will cry but theres a huge difference to being left alone to cry and crying in someone's arms while being comforted. Even one nights proper sleep will work wonders and could start to break the habit of waking so much. Would he take a bottle of expressed milk at all? I know bottles aren't ideal in the night but if it buys you some sleep its worth it. This won't last forever

FATEdestiny · 09/08/2021 11:26

Bedtime routine is solid and he goes down ok, he just will not stay down.

How do you get him to go to sleep at bedtime?

How do you feel about cosleeping full time, as a means to maximise your sleep?

Original poster

TiredMacTiredface · 09/08/2021 11:38

Stringervest - thanks, i need to look into it. Not sure how comfortable i am with any sleep training but also at the end of this particular road, so...

ShinyGreenElephant - no, but currently at my parents house, DH joining us in a fortnight. But he's always tired and as i'm BFing it's just easier not to ask him for help rather than put up with listening to him complain all day...

FATEdestiny - we were cosleeping full time until 9 months, but he's too big and i don't sleep well with him in the bed anymore. Plus now he's mobile he's fallen out a couple of times so it's just safer for him to be in his cot. The routine goes pjs, nappy, brush teeth, sit down to nurse and read a bedtime book, then swap boobs and sing a lullaby. He falls asleep fine most nights, it's just he wakes far too soon.

OP posts:

mayblossominapril · 09/08/2021 11:56

I would get more food in him during the day, pick high calorie food, it has worked for both of mine. I put mine in the high chair and spoon something in such as an ellas pouch

Cakeandslippers · 09/08/2021 12:25

I could have written this post word for word.... in fact for a second I wondered if I'd posted in a sleep deprived haze! This is my second awful sleeper and the conclusion I've come to is that for some babies nothing helps. I've tried controlled crying, along with a zillion other things and nothing much helps. My 2.5yo sleeps through about 50% of the time now though which is just down to time passing.

What has been helpful lately is that I've started sharing the wakes with my husband, the first week was hell and he just wanted boob but he's got much better and he will settle now though he cries for about 20-30 mins each time (every wake takes 45-60 mins to deal with regardless of who goes so it seems only fair to share).

Utterly shit isn't it, I hope you find ways to cope

FATEdestiny · 09/08/2021 18:45

we were cosleeping full time until 9 months, but he's too big and i don't sleep well with him in the bed anymore. Plus now he's mobile he's fallen out a couple of times so it's just safer for him to be in his cot. The routine goes pjs, nappy, brush teeth, sit down to nurse and read a bedtime book, then swap boobs and sing a lullaby. He falls asleep fine most nights, it's just he wakes far too soon.

You will get the more sleep with him in your bedroom. A sidecar cot may help - 1 side removed off a normal cot and butted up to your bed.

If you want him independently sleeping then he will need to learn to go from awake to asleep all in the cot - so not feeding to get him drowsy.

Flip