Sleep is destroying my life

[DueyCheatemAndHow]

10 mo DD. I spend upwards of 2 hours a day getting her to sleep and nap. My stress levels are through the roof. I'm on ADs. I've had to leave the room because I genuinely worry ill hurt her.

I can deeply empathise. I stressed sooo much about naps / bedtime when mine was that age. Everything I read about how many naps she should have and how if they sleep more in the day they sleep more at night made it all worse.

It turns out mine just needs less sleep than most babies her age. I wish I'd just not tried to get her to sleep when I 'thought' she should and just gone with the flow a bit more. The amount of hours I wasted in a darkened room with white noise on on lovely sunny days!

So my only advice is just to get on with things and let her get tired in her own time. Babies do seem to get the sleep they need when they need it. If you're really starting to lose it, put her down somewhere safe and take some deep breaths. Could a partner step in to help at all?

Sending hugs

She's so overtired. I've been at this for 80 mins tonight.

I do sympathise. Have you tried taking her out the room and giving you both a break for 15-20 mins? She’ll sleep eventually although I know it doesn’t feel like that now, giving her a little reset as well should help.

A friends DC had real issues sleeping when they were younger. Go see your GP, and they might be able to offer some help- a little piriton might give you the much needed relief you need and break the overtired cycle.
My DC takes upwards of an hour to go to sleep but is drifting about 40 mins in. Someone one told me that if you're not seeing anything sleepy happening after 40 mins. Give up, have a play, maybe a snack or something and try again when you're feeling ready. You're doing the best you can!

I feel for you, dd was absolutely terrible sleeping. I've probably lost about 2 years of my life trying to get her to sleep. Best advice is don't read anything about routines, all kids are different and I just used to stress myself out with what am I doing wrong. Like above poster said if after 40 mins its not happening, take a break. Try again in half an hour or so. I swear they pick up on our desperation for them to sleep and they do the opposite. It does get easier but it's tough at the time, keep going you're doing fab

I could have written this but with 8mo. She’s always been like it. Will settle no problem for naps and sleeps well once she’s down, but settling at bedtime takes anywhere between 1-2 hours. She falls asleep very quickly but wakes as soon as she’s put down. Then fusses around trying to get back to sleep, but fails. So I pick up and resettle and we repeat this for 1-2 hours. I’m currently sat outside her room after trying for 1.5 hours to settle her. My whole evenings are spent doing this and I can’t do it anymore. She’s just whinging intermittently and I’m really hoping she drifts off because I can’t bring myself to go back into the room.

This was and still occasionally is me and DD now 20 months. Stop listening g to what others are doing with perfect routines. My

Best friends DD was sleeping at 6 mins old! Best thing I did was love bed time later and o it try in bursts. Also the car as a last resort when I was back in work! Good Luck!!

At that age we were still letting them fall asleep in front of sleepy telly with a bottle in their bouncer and then carrying upstairs asleep. Would that work? Ok its not in a manual but who cares.

Day time naps were downstairs too at that age, in the chair with quiet telly / music. We've never sat trying to push naps, by the time they're down you're risking danger zone sleeping

Having a set evening routine of a warm bath, BF/progressing to bottle/milky drink and stories really helped with DS1. Once he knew what was coming he’d relax even when he was beyond frazzled. At 15 mo we took him long haul & were able to settle him in the new time zone because he knew what bathtime meant.

With adult insomnia/trouble settling, you are advised to get out of bed and go and do something low stakes or unexciting until you feel sleepy again, then go to bed. It’s about catching the wave, not fighting your rhythms. Adults cycle through a 90 min cycle of sleepiness/alertness in the evening which corresponds with heavy and lighter sleep once you’re off. With babies and small children the cycle is shorter, maybe 45 mins - look it up. Maybe you just need to stay up a little later, pay attention to sleepy cues and catch the wave at the right point.

Hi Op... if you have a car use it to your benefit, at least for the daytime nap. Both myself and friends who have had DC that just can’t sleep will go for a long drive with them - put the radio on and go for an hours drive .. depending on your house and safely ie:if you can see them at all times you can leave them to finish the nap in the car and sit outside grabbing some time for yourself. What is more important right now is your sanity as a parent and if they have had a good consistent nap during the day your chance of them going into a routine for bedtime is much better- plus you wouldn’t feel so frazzled! Good luck xx

I spend upwards of 2 hours a day getting her to sleep and nap.

What are you doing in that time @DueyCheatemAndHow?

Because I don't think 2h over 24h settling baby to sleep is unreasonable. But then that time would be spent either:

• bouncing the bouncy chair with my foot while sat on sofa watching TV (in the daytime). Or
• snuggling baby in the sidecar cot while lying in bed (at night).

Neither of which needs to be taxing.