Is this just my baby or can/should I improve something?

[EveryoneWantsMumma]

Initially I thought it might just have been the sunny summer mornings waking her up a couple of weeks ago. But even since installing the blackest blackout blind known to man she's still an early riser! She's three months, sleeps in a next to me at night, held for daytime naps. She typically wakes twice at night for a feed and has started doing 5 hr stretches, usually the first half of the night.

So, I think we have a good bedtime routine, bath, bottle and bounce and quiet nursery rhymes and songs, even a made up goodnight song! All with curtains drawn to make it darker.

We used to feed to sleep basically before naps and bedtime, all unintentionally it just fell like that... But I have no idea how, but it's now reversed, she wakes up for a feed, so trying to give her a bedtime bottle is becoming impossible most nights now,, although we still offer it just incase. She is not a dummy fan, even though I'm trying to get her to use it for sleep association to help get her ready for non contact naps.

I guess there are two issues maybe! One is transitioning from contact naps to non contact (I guess there's no rush but I'm tied down and get NOTHING done around the house) luckily my DH is amazing and doesn't mind and ends up doing the house work even though I'll home all day. But I feel so guilty!!! And I actually miss pottering around!

The other is getting DH to sleep regularly until 6am minimum, if not 7am?! She is more often or not up at 5 something A.M. We are starting the bedtime routine roughly around 7pm because her body clock has seemed really rigidly set to needing to be drifting off at 7.45pm. I've tried to extend her day but it didn't seem to help the matter, maybe I didn't persist long enough? She may be sleeping too much in the day? She gets 4-5 hrs worth of daytime naps. Anywhere between 45min to 2-3 hrs. Usually two short and two long. The app I'm using says in 24hrs she's getting roughly 14hrs sleep on average.

Sorry this has turned out to be a long one!

DH Sleeps enough 😂 I meant DD

If she’s 3 months, she makes up her own rules 😂 with my DD we shifted our sleep so we went to bed 9.30pm knowing that we’d be up by 6am.
Have you tried wearing a sling? I wore DD round the house as she liked being held and you get your hands back!

Oh yeah I've shifted when I go to sleep, DH sleeps in the spare room so goes to bed and bed when he likes.
She hated the sling!

At 3 months you are better working on good habits in getting to sleep, rather than timings.

The only aspect of timing to watch is wake windows through the day. These want to be around 1h at this age, up to 90 minutes maximum. Apart from that, follow baby's lead on timings. Timings are very fluid anyway for the next 6 months, so it will change and change again. Ergo no point wasting time or energy stressing over it.

In terms of habits:

• I'd make number 1 priority getting a dummy accepted and used consistantly for all sleeps.

• then look to moving away from contact naps. Around 3 months is the right time to start this. Could you start with cuddling to sleep in the Next2Me as you do at night, then staying in the room for the nap?

• Other options for day time naps are sleeping on a mat on the floor downstairs (So you can potter around). Or pram pushed back and forth on the spot. Or my favourite is the bouncy chair - you foot bounce while sitting on sofa.

@FATEdestiny thank you so much ❤️ Any tips for getting her to like the dummy? She occasionally takes it but usually when placed in her mouth when she yawns or is half lulled to sleep already. I think she has a missed tongue tie so is this an issue?

I really need to get her off me as I said to DH that it's just the fourth trimester and I'll be able to do more around the house when she's three months!

She's also so demanding of my attention when awake bless her, I have poured my soul into her and if I try to get stuff done she moans she's not centre of attention! 😂

Do you or have you breastfed? Because taking a dummy involves a lot of the same techniques as getting baby to latch on the nipple.

In a nutshell, just as you wouodlt shove nipple in baby's mouth and hope for the best, just passively putting dumny in baby's mouth won't cut it either. Baby has to learn / be taught how to actively suck. Some pointers:

● Ensure baby actively reaches for the dummy teat. Don't just put it in the mouth without baby taking it in an active way
• Tickle baby's cheek with the teat so she turns her head to take it.
• Tickle baby's top lip with the teat so baby reaches upwards with mouth to take it.

● Once in the mouth, while baby is awake the dummy should be being actively sucked not 'just sitting thete in the mouth'.
• Tapping on the outside of dummy triggers the sucking reflex.
• If baby still won't suck, remove dummy and start again (getting baby to actively teach for dummy as above point). While baby is learning there will be times where you're removing and starting again over and over again.

● While going to sleep, the main purpose of dummy is to suck until asleep. Once asleep, dumny serves no purpose. You'll notice the following stages
• Awake and trying to go to sleep - keep active sucking going by tapping outside of dummy any time sucking stops.
• Drowsey, eyes start closing - keep dumny in mouth (If it drops) but only tap to keep sucking going if baby stirs
• Light sleep - eyes now closed. You'll get a few minutes (up to 10 min) of "flutter sucking". This is short bursts of slight sucking but mostly slack jaw and no sucking. Keep dummy in mouth otherwise baby will wake when flutter sucking
• Deep Sleep - this should be within 10 mins of going to sleep (might be as quick as 2 or 3 mins though). At this point all muscles relax, mouth and jaw go slack and dumny falls out. Don't put dummy back in mouth at this point, it's finished it's job. Let it fall out and move it away from baby so that it's not a lump to lie on.

● To establidh the dummy, try lots of different times, not just sleep time.

• Try when awake and happy
• Try just before a feed or just after
• Try someone else giving dummy
• give while baby is in a cradle hold and cuddling
• give while upright in a winding position
• give while playing on floor time
• Try different types of dummy.
• Try multiple times, all through the whole day.
• Try at every sleep time. Try every day. Just keep going.

if I try to get stuff done she moans she's not centre of attention

There's probably more behind the reason for this, then you realise. Clingy babies are usually wanting you due to an unmet physical need. It's almost always an over tired baby. Could also be pain related (wind or digestion issues for example).

14h sleep in 24h is low for this age. I'd be expecting 16h plus. That's probably why baby is clingy and wants your attention. Try significantly reducing awake time between naps.

The idea I follow is:
♡ Wake
♡ Feed and wind
♡ Floor time - you get stuff done now
♡ First cry - pick up and check for obvious problem (wind or nappy are usual culprits). Put back down.
♡ Wont be put down = Sleep time
♡ Second Cry - If happy to be put back down, you get in with stuff again. But next cry = Sleep time.
♡ Sleep time.

You'd be expecting around 1h awake time in total. Might be as little as 40 minutes. Might be as long as 90 minutes. But if you can't get baby to have floor time without crying for you, chances are baby needs much more sleep than she's having.

Thank you @FATEdestiny I started of breastfeeding with top ups and now it's mostly formula. Right OK, I understand now re dummy acceptance, will try all those suggestions thank you!

DD sufferers with reflux and wind so and if she's low on sleep then I guess as per your thoughts that's why she's clingy.

It's really interesting that you think she should be having more sleep. I'd read from other sources 14 is within the average, however, you're probably right so will cram in more naps! Thank you! X