Wilful two year old gone off the idea of settling!

[SpringheelJack]

Until recently, DD would settle for naps and bedtime fairly willingly. She turned two recently and has given up co-operating. She squawks, she shouts, she tries to climb out of the cot - which she has just about learned to do, so I can't just leave her. It's a two-fold problem: given she can pretty much climb out now she needs to go in a big bed - but that's going to be a nightmare if she's refusing to go down.

She doesn't seem ready to cut the nap - she would easily sleep past the two-hour mark (once she FINALLY goes down) if I let her. I tend to get her up after ninety minutes and it's both naps and bedtime she's resisting. It seems more a terrible-twos determination thing! I also don't think putting her in a bed and putting a stairgate across the door is going to help - she's just going to spend five hours getting rifling through her toys.

Any thoughts?!

It seems more a terrible-twos determination thing!

It absolutely is. It's a behaviour issue and not a sleep issue. Solve the behaviour issue and the sleep issue won't exist.

So I'd keep the cot. And I'd keep the nap.

And I'd set some really clear, simple expectations:

You must lie down, quietly, in your cot at sleep time.

This encompasses that at sleep time he:

• must be in his cot. No where else is acceptable.
• must be lying down. Sitting, standing or even leaning up are acceptable.
• must be quiet. Screaming, crying, shouting or anything else are not acceptable and should stop or will be ignored.

You'll not that your expectations are not "You will go to sleep". Because it's physically impossible for you to control that. But as his Mum you can control the rest. So you insist he lies quietly in his cot. Then allow boredom to get the better of him.

I think your DD may be my DS' twin! It's a nightmare isn't it? Made even more annoying by nursery telling me how easy it is to put him down for his nap. Which, if nothing else, demonstrates that it's clearly behavioural. We are lucky in that he hasn't worked out how to climb out of his cot yet but I don't think it's far off. I'm just hoping it's a phase. No advice I'm afraid but a lot of sympathy.

Almost 3 YO doing the same here. We cosleep and DC is all over the place. I've had enough and will transitioning to their own bed next door. No advice but wanted to say you are not alone. Mine has certain sensory issues in other area. Apparently children with sensory needs are harder to settle to sleep. Do you have any other concerns for your DD?

FATEdestiny
Eminently reasonable, but do you have any practical tips for how I establish these expectations? She's being put in her cot - I can control that. But not so much the quiet or the lying down. I'm spending an hour on the landing peeking through the door, refusing to respond to the demands for stories/toys/etc but watching she doesn't topple over the side. It's been a good month or so with no discernible progress. I feel like if I was in there repeatedly lying her down she'd get wound up worse - me ignoring her seems quicker but I'm starting to flag spending every evening glued to the crack in the door...

I would be repeatedly lying her back down. Over and over and over and over again a million times. Yes, she might think it's a game initially but you have to be more stubborn than she is and "win" this one.

Even better is to get her following instructions and so don't lie her down, tell her to lie down herself. This needs you to perfect the deadpan "teacher-cross-face" while tapping the mattress and saying "Lie down". But you have to have the right tempriment established for this to work.

Will give it a go! I need to gather some stamina I think...

I’m kinda in the same position with my 2 and half year old, great sleeper and take naps no bother, however recently bedtime routine in a nightmare..he started to climb out of his cot so had to turn it into a cotbed…just gets out it all the time, usually if he woke up during the night he would go back to sleep himself but me or hubby has to get up and sit with him till he drops off again, this can last for hours. I’m not sure if he’s going through a stage of separation anxiety as he’s ok when someone there with him. Any ideas? :-)

Be clear and repetitive with voicing your expectations at all times. She needs to know exactly what you expect of her. Develop a mantra that you repeat. It could be:

"You must lie down quietly at sleep time"
Or (in the view of picking your battles), just focus on losing down and not the being quiet bit. So
"You must lie down at sleep time"
Or if you're looking to minimise interaction
"You must lie down"
Which is better than just "Lie down".

@SpringheelJack

How are you getting on with bedtime routine now?