A question about "self-settling"

[seeker]

An earlier post in this topic got me thinking. Is there any research about the advantage to a baby of being able to self-settle? Of course I realize the advantage to parents - and I am as keen on a glass of wine and the telly in a tidy living room as the next woman. And I understand how difficult it is to be a good parent when sleep-deprived. But specifically is there any psychological or developmental benefit to a baby or a toddler to be learn to go to sleep alone?

No idea really. My DS is now 6 and we went through stages when he was a baby where he would self-settle but generally I cuddled him to sleep. He is now 6 and sleeps with me! Prefers to go to sleep if I am in the bed with him.

Is a happy, healthy and confident child otherwise though. And is starting to get embarrassed by the fact that he sleeps with me and doesn't want me to tell anyone so I assume that he will soon move back to his own bed.

As far as I understand most babies and small children in the whole world sleep with someone else right next to them. So presumably self-settling isn't that critical.
In the Western world we are encouraged to be very keen on babies and children being independent. Maybe that's why sleeping alone is such a big thing here.

And we are the only mammal I know of that does it!

whenever children reach developmental milestones they go through normal periods of insecurities as well i would think till when they have are comfortable with their abilities of the new task. they need to have more reassurances during the day at bedtime and possibly during the night to help them have the courage to complete their new task.

for example: crawling, walking, speech, social play and interaction (vs parallel play), etc. these things 'cause setbacks' in a child's growing independence.

self settling to me seems like it can introduce another layer of stress (to the kid and to the parent) to what are already pretty stressful little lives. Now stress is a good motivator but needless stress? or another layer of stress? not so sure about that.

but that is just me, i just speak for what i see.

Sleep is very important - for children as well as adults, and a well-rested child is going to be more contented and will probably find learning easier than one that hasn't had sufficient sleep.

So, I would say it depends on your approach, and possibly how many children you have. Children naturally stir in the night, and if they can't self-settle, will fully wake up and cry, unless their normal sleep association is present - parent, rocking etc.

So if, for example, your children sleep with you, then it's probably not a problem as you will be on hand to help them back to sleep.

However, if they don't then it pays to have them learn to self-settle. I think in the long run it's less stressful for the child, as they don't feel abandoned when they wake up in the night, they simply turn over and go back to sleep...