Toddler (22 m/o) always fights sleep

[talkingmushroom]

My son’s 22 months old, and he has always fought going to sleep. This has got worse since we had another baby 2 months ago. Previously he would be not too bad when trying to get him to nap in the day, but now he refuses. If you’re obviously trying to put him to sleep he will do everything he can to fight it. I think he has some kind of FOMO regarding the new baby.
Is there anything which can be done to make him a bit more compliant? He’s too young to understand a reward based strategy, such as earning stickers etc. His behaviour really shows that he needs the sleep he’s avoiding, as he just gets more and more agitated.
(I’m posting this sat in the car - that always knocks him out. And at least I have A/C…)

What happens when he is tired and you're trying to get him to sleep?

He gets angry at worst (screaming), frustrated at best. He’ll sit up and try to do something to distract/entertain himself.

Is he in the cot the whole time?

Or a bed?

Is he standing up? Sitting up?

What are you doing during this time?

What happens when he eventually does go to sleep - how does that happen?

Does he have a comforter or dummy? What is in his cot?

Is he in the cot the whole time? Or a bed?
He’s either in bed or more rarely in my arms where I’m attempting to cuddle him to sleep.

Is he standing up? Sitting up?
He will refuse to lie down, usually just sitting up and crying. Even taking him upstairs will have him start crying.

What are you doing during this time?
I am in a chair next to his bed. I will usually try be fairly non-interactive, i.e. not saying things like "time to sleep" etc.

What happens when he eventually does go to sleep - how does that happen?
There are times (when he's not wound up) where he will get into his bed by himself and get into a sleeping position. I'll stay with him until he's asleep. This only happens at night sleeps. It's daytime naps where he will REALLY fight it. Like I mentioned in the first post, it seems like he just wants to play and not miss out on anything. If he does have a daytime nap, it can be over two hours, so it's not as if he's not tired. This wasn't as much of an issue until the new baby arrived, so maybe it's just going to take him time to get used to her, and there's no other solution than that...

Does he have a comforter or dummy? What is in his cot?
Rabbit and Giraffe, who seem to be best mates. I always make sure they're with him. Other than that, there's only pillow. He sleeps on a duvet, but not under it.

That's more useful information to be able to offer suggestions to help, I wasn't being needlessly nosy with all my questions

OK, this is primarily a behaviour issue rather than a sleep development issue. You deal with it like you would any other unwelcome behaviour- strict boundaries, no negotiation, clear expectations. You effectively need to get strict with him.

Expectations

Your expectations is not that he goes to sleep - that's not something you can control.

Your expectation should be: you lie down in bed at sleep time. This is what you need to be repeatedly communicating to him.

The idea is that once be accepts that nothing else can happen but lying in bed, boredom will get the better of him and he will nod off (hence don't provide toys in bed, just comforters)

Boundaries

This is you taking no shit and being strict. I would stop being in the room with him. He doesn't need you there and you're just a distraction.

But he does need to know you're close by. Both for reassurance and also there to keep strict boundaries and the rules that go with that. So it have his bedroom door open and you in the hallway. You need to position yourself so you can either see or hear any movement, any time he gets up.

Then it is a case of being repetitive and consistent.

Lie him down. Leave. Lie him down. Leave. Lie him down. Leave. Lie him down. Leave. Over and over and over again.

He may well be a proper git about it at first. But stay calm, don't get cross. Just keep to your boundaries and expectations- he must lie down in bed at sleep time. End of, nothing else is acceptable.

No Negotiation

These are all the distraction techniques he might use. I need the toilet, I want a cuddle, I need a drink. There are a gazillion things toddler a come up with.

Try to preempt as much as possible. Ensure he's had a drink, had a wee or clean nappy, got everything he needs. Plenty of cuddles before bedtime so you can't be guilt tripped into thinking you don't cuddle him enough.

Then just say no. Don't get into any form of discussion or negotiation. Just the expectations - you will lie down in bed (on his own). That's the single only thing that matters.