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Where do I go from here?

11 replies

OhToBeASeahorse · 22/07/2021 09:19

Baby is 9 months and we had been working on independent sleep. She was going to sleep in her cot with me just in the room.

But then it got hot and she also learned she could sit up. Now she just laughs and babble away and will not rest. If I pick her up she either goes drowsy straightaway or then fights and fights until she gets milk, then she comes off my boob, I put her in the cot and she is immediately asleep.

Weve gone backwards and I go back to work in 5 weeks and am terrified!

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BunnyRuddington · 22/07/2021 09:24

drowsy straightaway or then fights and fights until she gets milk, then she comes off my boob, I put her in the cot and she is immediately asleep.

Very few babies will be sleeping independently at 9 months, even if they are, there is a massive sleep regression right now so she may change again without you doing anything.

Plus she will sleep, it's just that you're not liking how she gets to sleep Smile

OhToBeASeahorse · 22/07/2021 09:29

I'm just so worried about leaving her and that she wont be able to sleep.

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DinosaurDiana · 22/07/2021 09:30

Is she going on formula if you’re going back to work ?

cookiesandcreamm · 22/07/2021 09:37

Will probably be down to development, if she's learnt to sit/crawl it can affect sleep.
If she's happy enough laughing babbling in cot just leave her.
But tbh if she's going to sleep straight after a feed I don't see the problem it's pretty normal.

BunnyRuddington · 22/07/2021 09:47

I'm just so worried about leaving her and that she wont be able to sleep

You may be worrying unnecessarily.

How often will you be working? Will you be away at night?

OhToBeASeahorse · 22/07/2021 09:47

She will be 11 months so no I dont think so, I'll still bf morning and evening (and likely overnight!) And she can have cows milk or expressed BM in the day til she is a year

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ifoundthebread · 22/07/2021 09:47

My daughter used to lie in her cot quite happily babbling away to herself for around 10/15 minutes and would drift off to sleep herself. I used to listen to her on the monitor then once she'd gone quiet leave it a few minutes then check on her. Didnt need to be in the room until she went to sleep.

BunnyRuddington · 22/07/2021 09:49

I went back when mine were younger than 11 months. Both refused bottles and both went to sleep by feeding.

Guess what? They both ate and drank cows milk if they needed a bit and both went to sleep wish a bit if ignoring shushing.

Who's going to be looking after her when you're at work?

FATEdestiny · 22/07/2021 10:00

Weve gone backwards

Sleep development will go backwards, but then get back on track again, several times in the coming couple of years. You have to not let these backward steps stress you and just go with it, knowing that when this issue passes you can get back to normal (until the next issue).

Things that will cause sleep to go crappy:

  • heat
  • illness
  • teething
  • seasonal changes (like light mornings)
  • motor skill development (learning to pull to standing is the worse!)
  • behavioural issues
  • emotional development (anxiety, scared of the dark, fear of being alone...)

There's loads. I could go on. The bottom line is yo change your mindset from "sleep has gone crap and now it will always be crap", to something like "sleep has gone crap, as expected due to XYZ, what shall I do to get back on track?"

But then it got hot and she also learned she could sit up

Yeah, this is a git of a phase to go though. FYI leaning to pull to standing will be very similar to this stage, but worse (sorry!)

How to deal with it? It's behavioural. It might even be the very first behavioural issue you've ever had to deal with. Basically it comes down to teaching baby that while you can (as in is physically able to) sit up, the cot at sleep time is not the time or place to do this.

Its unwelcome behaviour, so you treat it as you would other unwelcome behaviour. Firm behaviour expectations and rigid boundaries. Your expectations should be:

  • you lie down in the cot
As simple as that. This is what you expect baby to do and you don't accept anything else. So basically just keep on repeatedly lying baby back down. Over and over and over and over again. Stay calm, compassionate and caring in this. Don't get angry or frustrated - baby is going through a process of learning and won't get it at first.

A firm hand on baby's chest back while lying down helps reaffirm your expectation to lie down while also offering physical contact for reassurance.

OhToBeASeahorse · 22/07/2021 10:30

Thanks! She is our 2nd so we know things go backwards but I'm worried about the feeding becoming a thing that we then cant get out of. Will they the laying down trick. Thanks

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BunnyRuddington · 22/07/2021 10:51

I'm worried about the feeding becoming a thing that we then cant get out of

I can absolutely assure you that both of mine gave that up pretty easily and would be horrified at the thought of it now! Grin

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