Help!

[madamovaries]

Hi, I am really struggling.

My son is 7 months old and has never slept more than 51/2 hours in one stretch and usually far less. He was EBF, has moved on to solids now but still breastfeeding 5 times a day plus maybe 2 or 3 times at night.

I think I got into bad patterns early on with feeding him to sleep. Basically I was in pain after a horrific labour and late pregnancy so it was an easy thing to lie down with him and get him to sleep that way. I know we need to teach him to self settle but I’m so exhausted and every time we try, he just starts crying or flings himself around.

I don’t want to leave him to cry it out. He’s a lovely baby during the day.

Tonight has been a total disaster - he’s woken every time we try to put him down - possibly due to the heat and he seems to have a cough so is in a little discomfort (nothing major).

We have been cosleeping but want to move him into his own room soon ideally.

Any advice very gratefully received. It is starting to make me feel very miserable.

It sounds to me like you are wanting the baby sleep version of a talking unicorn (ie something that sounds amazing but doesn't exist).

The priority for your son to have good quality sleep is that he needs to go to sleep where he stays asleep. So you need to decide on your own priorities in how to achieve that. There are essentially two ways:

(a) Cosleeping. This will involve less crying. You feed to sleep in the bed and leave him there.
(b) Sleep train so he goes to sleep in the cot and then stays there to sleep. This will involve lots of crying.

What is most important to you?

• not cosleeping
• no crying

?

Wow! 5 1/2 hours in one go, I would take that!
My EBF 9 month old little one has never slept more than 3 hours in one go! I think this is totally normal
I think with 5 1/2 hour stints you will get there.
My eldest was similar and started sleeping throu when we night weaned when he was about 13 months.
Good luck and I hope you get some sleep soon! X

5 1/2 hours sounds amazing. My daughter woke up at least 3 times a night until I stopped breastfeeding her at almost two but this was only for a 5 minute feed. We still co sleep as I love it and it suits us. Sounds like you're doing a great job, his sleep will improve with time. I fed my daughter to sleep every single time and now I cuddle her, I don't regret feeing her to sleep at all, it was lovely. Everyone sleeps eventually, it will be over before you know it.

Thank you for all replying. I'm afraid I was just falling apart a bit when I messaged. I haven't had much sleep since but somehow slightly revived... I guess part of the issue has been I've been very isolated due to covid and all of my NCT class seem to be doing much better than me sleep-wise. One of their babies slept for 6 hours at eight weeks. Back then we hadn't even managed 4 straight hours!

@FATEdestiny No crying definitely more important than not co-sleeping. Think we're going to buy a blowup mattress for my husband as part of the problem is we live in a very small place and so we're all squidged in together. My husband can go on that, and I'll keep my son in the bed with me.

51/2 hours was one time, but yes, was heaven. Problem was my boobs were so engorged I woke up after 3 hours with them spraying!

Thanks hugely @wetrainday and @Marie2815Marie2815, you have made me feel much better. I really appreciate your kindness! x

People very rarely say when they have a bad sleeper, but often people love to share when they have a ‘good’ sleeper.

5 1/2 is amazing. I’d take that and stop comparing

I think it’s also the baby books! We used that Your baby week by week one and it claims half of babies are sleeping for 8 hours or something at six months. I know it’s isolating any way having a newborn but covid has exacerbated that and meant I have had minimal help with him from eg my family (I know others are in a worse situation).

He woke every 45 minutes last night but he has a cold so i am guessing this is rock bottom. Onwards and upwards! Thank you all x

The sleep deprivation is bloody awful isn't. My 2yo rarely did more than 45 minutes at once till she was something like 9 months. She has finally started sleeping through at 2.5yo. My 12 month old is still up a zillion times a night. I'm just attempting (again) to move away from bedsharing as I need some better rest, it's not going brilliantly but better than last time I tried a couple of months ago.

It's no help but you're not alone. There are loads of us around, some people don't mention it as they feel like they are failing, but they aren't, honestly it's so common. I think your options are cosleeping (I HATE it, but I have done it with both to survive) or sleep training. Hope it improves soon xx

Bin the baby books. They’ll set you up to feel crap