Where’s my sleeper gone?!!

[LCF2021]

After having a tough time with sleep with my DS when he was a baby once he turned 1 he turned a corner and sleep has been good since.

He’s just turned 2 now and he’s suddenly gone from going to bed at 7.30, settling himself off to sleep within 5 mins and sleeping through until 7.30/8am. He’d also nap between 1-3pm each day.
Now for the last 4 days he’s been screaming as soon as I put him to bed and dare leave the room for naps and bedtime. It’s taken almost 2 hours to get him to sleep at night. I’ve taken to standing in his doorway and telling him to lie down and go to sleep and he’ll generally wake 1/2 times a night. He’s taking about 30 mins to settle for a nap and then he’ll sleep for about 40 mins.
I know there’s supposedly a 2 year regression but if anyone has any tips on how they overcame this and if it really was a short lived phase or possibly our luck has run out. I’m currently 36 weeks pregnant and bloody shattered!

Same.
Im part of this 2 year old bedtime drama too. My DD is 2yrs 2months and for last couple of weeks is going hysterical at bedtime once we put her in her cot.
We do check ins - sometimes they help sometime they dont.

Tonight she has been in her cot for 45mins before falling asleep (luckily not crying all that time though!)
She has also been waking in the night more often that not. Its draining.

No advice but your not alone.
Its heartbreaking hearing them so upset.

@Handsoffstrikesagain I’ve not had him seen as he’s not showing any other signs. He went through a bout of recurrent ear infections about 9 months ago. He’s doing the same for nap time too, terrified to be left alone and gone from happily walking into nursery without so much as a look at me to clinging on to me like a little koala which makes me think it’s a separation issue.

@whatabelter I think he may be able to sense something, although he’s only just two he understands there’s a baby in my tummy and often says “baby cuggle” and hugs my bump. I’m talking lots to him about how exciting it is to be a big brother and how he can show his little sister all of his toys and show her what to do. I think it’s a combo of normal separation anxiety AND new baby arriving…just a hell of a combo to hit at once. I’m beyond drained.

@girlmummy25 Sorry to hear you’re going through it too. It’s so hard isn’t it? Everything I read says don’t change what you’re doing but in that case I’d put him to bed, shut the door and leave the room and I just cannot do that when he’s hysterically upset and calling for us…I feel that’s me telling him “I know you’re scared but I’m not coming for you” because he seems to have a sudden genuine fear of being alone. I’ve been trying to do lots of attempts to leave the room he’s playing in during the day and telling him I’ll be back in a minute (even when he’s with my DH) and he chases after me or calls out for me if he sees me leave.

At our absolute wits end now with his sleep. He’s up CONSTANTLY. He’s been awake crying for 45 mins already, tried sitting on the landing so he could see me and he looked as though he was fast asleep and yet as soon as I moved his eyes were wide open and he was up shouting for mummy. Feel terrible but I’m now leaving him to cry for short intervals as we’re at a total loss of how to get him back to sleep 😢 his sleep now is on par with how it was when he was 5 months old

@LCF2021 I have no solution other than to offer sympathy. I have had to result in the same as you several times - unfortunately for us it never worked as it just wound my daughter up more when we left her - but I think for your own sanity sometimes you just have to take a breather and step away for a moment .

We had to take the sides of her cot down this weekend as she could climb out of it - and was climbing out of it every time we left the landing or she woke in the night !!! For the last couple of nights since having the big girls bed, we tried a different tactic . I suddenly said no to holding her hand till she falls asleep and I said no to sitting by the door because she was in a big girls bed - I matter of factly told her that I was going to do a few jobs and that I would see her in the morning- I said she didn't have to go to sleep, she could sit and talk to her cuddly toys or just rest . She is 2.5 nearly and miraculously she accepted it. I can't tell you how or why this changed (maybe timing it with the bed change?!!) and I don't want to jinx it by saying I've cracked it , but it has worked and when she wakes in the night now and I go in to settle her back, she repeats "mummy do jobs" back to me - at 3am when I am definitely not doing any jobs, but I play along ! If I had tried this with her a few weeks ago I am certain she wouldn't have taken any of that as I'm sure I tried a similar thing and she just balled her eyes out .

Is your little boy in a cot or toddler bed?

@24601mary That sounds positive then! He’s in a cot and never showed any signs of wanting to be in a big bed or attempted to climb out of it so I feel like while I can still keep him contained I should. Finding this whole phase incredibly tough, if it was as simple as popping in and giving him a cuddle and putting him back to bed that’s what I’d do but honestly nothing works anymore 😢 I just want to cry.

Not had this experience myself (other than when my daughter’s molars were cutting through) but my friend said her two year old’s son’s sleep hugely improved when he moved into a bed.

At this point, do you have much to lose? I assume he’s be making the transition soon-ish anyway and I agree with PP that wrapping it up in a “you’re a big boy now” narrative could help. x

@NewMum0305 Husband and I chatted about this this morning actually as for the first time ever last night DS attempted to climb out of his cot while he was so upset so the approach of leaving him for a few mins at a time before checking obviously won’t work with him in the cot as it’s too dangerous. I spent the whole night sleeping on a blow up bed on his bedroom floor with him waking hourly saying “mummy?” To check I was still there. We said it can’t get any worse so we feel like we need to try something…despite a new baby arriving any day now. God, I’m exhausted.

Instead of getting better over time sleep is getting worse. He’s now been in bed for 35 mins and has spent the whole time crying despite being able to see me just outside his door. At an absolute loss of what to do now. Any advice welcome, it’s been two weeks now and I’m not sure how much longer we can continue as we are as we’re all miserable.

Any reason you're outside the door and not going to him?

If he's crying, are you trying to comfort him? I'd be stood next to the cot, hand on child's chest/back for reassurance, if it was me.

Do you have things like a night light? Is he afraid of being on his own?

We had this not long ago with our 2yr old. We followed the super nanny controlled timed crying and that sorted it out within a few evenings. Give it a Google. If you're sure it's not teeth or he's unwell it's likely he's just crying because he's not getting his own way. If you do decide to go down the sleep training route, just be consistent with it and hold strong, if you aren't the situation will just get worse in my experience. I'd also try a night light or some glow in the dark stars on the ceiling so when he wakes at night he's not scared. You have my full sympathy, sleepless nights are the stuff of nightmares!

@FATEdestiny we’ve tried to stay outside the door (with it open) so we can verbally reassure him but also because from experience being in the room only temporarily helps. He can fall asleep with me there but the moment I sneak out, even if he’s been asleep for 20-30 mins plus, he wakes up crying. We use an amber/red nightlight for him in case he’s gotten a bit spooked by the dark. It’s just very difficult when for over a year he was perfectly content to go off to sleep by himself without a peep all night.

@MaMaD1990 It’s awful, and the heat definitely doesn’t help either. We’ve had him checked over by a GP, no ear infection etc, not teeth so we think he’s just hit a bad separation anxiety stage but the more we end up sleeping in his room just so we can all get some sleep the worse it becomes as that’s what he’s expecting now.

It’s just very difficult when for over a year he was perfectly content to go off to sleep by himself without a peep all night.

He is changibgcsll the time though, and not just in a linear "always improves" kind of way. For example a year ago he didn't have the intellectual and emotional development to imagine stuff in the way he can now. Along with that intellectual and emotional development comes the ability to imagine scary stuff.

Being scared of things (monsters, the dark, shadows, spiders under the bed... whatever it might be) is something that develops around 3yo.

It's why he didn't used to need support, but now does. It's more likely genuine anxiety than him making it up for attention.

@Happyhappyday

Our DD did this a bit, honestly we ignored it. Put her in bed, night night we love you, we’ll be just upstairs blah blah blah, I think we had one more session of yelling then she went back to sleeping great. It started with one night she was genuinely upset and then quickly became a delaying tactic, we realized the crying wasn’t her distressed/scared cry and her tantrum/attention cry so felt fine ignoring.

@Happyhappyday this is what we did with one of my DS's when they thought it might work. Soon stopped it 🤣