Has anyone sleep trained a 17 month old/talk to me about sleep at this age

[pregnantncnc]

I hadn't ever given sleep training a second thought as DS was an easy newborn, slept through from 4m with me still bf to sleep until about 8m when things got hairy. It got better again from 10m and I've just been gently ticking along hoping things would continue to get better until he eventually slept through again... but it isn't happening and if anything I think things are getting worse. Now I am wishing we had sleep trained or done something differently at 8 months when things were first a bit tedious. I know our current situation could be worse, but it could also be a hell of a lot better and I'm DREADING DH going back to the office more and it taking me hours to get him to sleep for nap and bed.

7-8am - Wakes, has breakfast, we play outside or go for a walk or go to a playgroup, snack, breastfeed
12pm - DH does pre sleep routine and holds DS (and I think hmms) until he falls asleep, takes less than 10m. (If I try, it takes longer).
1.30-2.30 - wakes, has lunch, plays etc goes outside, has a snack, dinner
7-8pm - shower or bath, boob, sleeping bag, books, then DH rocks him again. Sometimes he can be put in the cot awake and have his back stroked until he falls asleep but that is v much on his own terms and will only quickly fall asleep like that if he clearly isn't happy being held. Again takes DH less than 10m, when I do bedtime it takes over an hour.
12/1am (usually, sometimes more like 3/4am but not usually) - DS wakes, will not be rocked back to sleep by me or DH, will escalate to screaming if DH goes in but not me recently. If I go in quickly and cosleep/BF back to sleep he'll go back to sleep quickly but will wake me multiple times checking I'm there/breastfeeding/moving around.

Any ideas? Any tips?

We are currently slowly reducing our daytime breastfeeds to just immediately upon waking, nap time and bedtime... but night feeds are out of control. I wouldn't mind feeding him in the night, and I don't mind him waking and needing a cuddle... its that I HAVE to be there, can't even get up to wee or get some water without him waking because I'm not there and crying. I'd like to be able to put him back in his cot. I wake up every morning feeling touched out but have no idea what to do that won't exhaust us.

You need to just stop feeding at night. Tough I know.....
What I had to do with DD1 was taking her out of the room and into the living room so she realised BF was definitely not happening. There was a bit of crying..... After a few days she would just fall asleep straight away in the sofa. And a few days later she just stopped waking up all together.

@grey12 I thought that might be the suggestion... I'm just dreading that! He's coping really well with the daytime weaning (which I need to do for my mental health; he was constantly clawing for it).

I can just imagine my son fully waking up if I took him out of his bedroom and being even harder to get back to sleep. I'll give anything a go at this point, though. Thank you!

DD1 was an extremely clingy baby.....

I had to take her out of the bedroom because I had DH and new baby in there. And eventually I would give in to the crying and complaining..... going to the living room was a way of both not waking up the house and signalling that something was different. I did find that was very effective. It's all about find what makes the "click" in their brain.

I always find that it's good to read about different techniques and change them to suit yourself and your child. And there is nothing wrong with doing completely the opposite of what all the books/websites/experts say

I think that you're probably best not reducing the daytime feeds for now and doing some gentle night weaning instead.

It sounds as though he's making up his calories at night and at 17 months he's more than capable of going a few hours at night without a feed

Huge separation anxiety peak at 18 months.

@BunnyRuddington - Its definitely not feeding for calories. His daytime feeds were, and he's consequently eating a lot more solid food now than he was. At night it is never more than a quick suckle for comfort, sometimes he just likes to hold the boob and know its there...

I would night wean and have your husband go in when he wakes for a week or so. He will probably stop waking once he knows no milk is forthcoming.

@pregnantncnc I think we might have the same child. Would be interested to know if you find anything that works.

Did you have a look at the article on night weaning.

Do agree though that's there's a sleep regression at 18 months