Is it meant to be this hard??

[Keha]

16 month old, never a great sleeper. Fed her to sleep and coslept a lot (still cosleep once she wakes in the night). Now, unless she is already very drowsy, the feeding to sleep doesn't work - she just stares at me and plays. So we have moved to holding and patting to get her to sleep and this can work, but sometimes takes 30, 40, 50 minutes?? This is with her trying to get my boob (but if I go back to feeding, she doesn't sleep), or grabbing my face, ears whilst I keep trying to get her to snuggle back into my shoulder. Usually she ends up crying in this position before finally going to sleep. Tonight it just didn't work, ended up putting her in her cot and walking away as felt so frustrated. She cried quiet a lot, finally went back in (after only about 5 minutes) and tried boob again and she passed out - but this is after over an hour of trying to rock and pat. When my husband got home I was in tears. I said surely it isn't meant to be this hard, he said yes it is, she's a baby. He does half the bedtimes, he also pats her to sleep, I think he can go for longer because she's stronger but I also think she doesn't try and get at the boob like she does with me. Is it meant to be this hard? Is this normal? I've tried feeding her to sleep lying down but that also doesn't work anymore from fully awake. I just don't really know what to do anymore.

Sorry you're struggling, I also have a poor sleeper so you have my sympathy! I'm sorry I dont really have any tips but thought you deserved a reply. If things have changed recently is it a routine problem? How much day sleep is she getting? Is she definitely tired when you're trying to get her to sleep? We don't have a routine and I wing it most days but I know that if she naps late/better some days then I sometimes try and put her to sleep too early and it therefore takes ages.

Thanks for responding! She did a massive nap today so I think she was very tired. I think last night it was overtiredness and perhaps her naps are having more of an impact than they used to. We generally wing it a bit/go with the flow although we have quite a set bedtime routine. Husband trying to get her to sleep now....we will see...

I fed mine to sleep until it stopped working. With both that was around 9/10 months old. Once feeding to sleep stops working, it just doesn't work.

I then did controlled crying and that worked within 4 nights. No more night waking and straight to sleep (at least until we moved into a toddler bed but that's a different challenge.

It sounds like it will work for your baby as well as that's basically what you did when you left for 5 mins.

Give it a go, worked amazingly for mine

I could have written exactly this post. The only thing is that it is easier for me because DH is at home most of the time for sleep times so he can take over/do it himself.

My husband finds it so much easier to get our 16 month old to sleep than I do, which is huge role reversal compared to most of his life (also BF to sleep). When DH puts him to bed, they just go through the routine, when DS is done reading books he'll walk over and turn the lamp off, then DH will turn the white noise on, pick him up and give him a cuddle while rocking for maybe 2 minutes and DS will be asleep. If he's not, DH can put him in the cot and stroke his back and he'll be asleep in seconds.

If I do it, I HAVE to breastfeed after we turn the light out (I keep trying to do things the same as DH but DS gets very angry at the lack of boob), but he won't fall asleep anymore. Occasionally he'll stop feeding and suck his thumb until he's asleep in my arms, but probably 95% of the time he won't fall asleep and we have to repeat the cycle of me putting him in his cot/stroking his back and singing/picking him up and pacing/putting him down/stroking his back/etc and if it goes on too long he'll want boob again.

It takes me over an hour, if he'll even sleep at all - for DH it takes less than 5 minutes. It is so frustrating. We also cosleep once he wakes in the night.

I wish I had some advice for you, but I hope you get some and I hope I can steal it. The ultimate solidarity with you here.

Have you got room for a mattress on the floor? Then you could cuddle her to sleep in her own room. DD hardly used her cot and we bought her a double bed age 2 so we could sleep together comfortably when she woke.

Age 4 and she mostly sleeps through

Thanks everyone
@pregnantncnc thanks for your response. I just had a bit of a heated debate with my husband where he basically said I need to be calmer and more patient. I think I'm a pretty patient person and that she responds differently to me and its just actually easier for him. Your post reassured me that this might be the case, even if he doesn't quite see it.