Helping nearly 5yr old to go to sleep on his own.

[Thistledew]

My DS is nearly 5 and still needs us to read to him and/or sit with him until he falls asleep each evening.

He seems to have real trouble switching off sufficiently to fall asleep. He will talk and fidget until the point that he drops off, even if he is so tired that he is incoherent.

We have some success with playing a mindfulness app, but only if we sit with him to remind him to lie still and listen to it.

He is much better at getting himself back to sleep if he wakes in the night. During the day, if he is very tired, he might have a snooze whilst watching a video, but has literally only once in his life climbed into bed by himself and gone to sleep.

We really want to get to the stage where we can read him a story and then leave him to go to sleep by himself.

Any suggestions as to how we can achieve that?

No help I'm afraid but really interested as to what others say

A decent first step would be not to read right through to sleep. Reading him a story and then sitting quietly is better, since what you're specifically trying yo teach him us yo be still and calm - so it's reduced stimulation that is needed, not more.

If you don't think that will work then the polar opposite might help - set him up with a Bluetooth speaker and play audio books on a timer so that you don't need to be there. There are free audio books through the library, you just download an app and register with your library card.

DD is similar (she does have some SN). Really struggles to switch off.

We just went with it tbh and stayed with her till asleep, as otherwise she was just getting more and more tired and it was a vicious cycle.

She generally went to sleep very quickly with one of us there, so it wasn’t taking up our evening.

Now age 8 she is able to go to sleep alone but it’s been quite a recent change.

We used to say “I’ll come back in five minutes“ (and always did). No conversation, just a kiss on the forehead. Then, “I’ll come back in 10 minutes”, and so on. Rarely got past 20 minutes! This continued for quite a few nights. Eventually, after several weeks, I could start with “I’ll come back in 15 minutes” – they were usually asleep.

Can you leave him to talk and fidget by himself until he falls asleep. Maybe he just needs to do that before sleep, some people do. I think maybe you being there is just delaying the inevitable/adding more stimulation.

If he is tired during the day/in the morning maybe try putting him to bed earlier so he can do his talking/fidgeting and then settle down in time for enough sleep.

Tonight I tried to change things up- I did his bath before his sister and let him listen to music whilst I did hers. I then brought her into his room and read to them both for a bit- unfortunately DD was really fidgety and didn't settle down to listen to the story so it wasn't helping DS listen. I then said to him I would put her to sleep and come back. He stayed in bed but kept calling out and asking when I was coming back so in the end DH went and sat with him until he fell asleep- which didn't take long as we had a busy day and he was tired.

I don't think he is overtired. He wakes most days before 6am!

Audio book!