Holding to sleep

[Melonade33]

I've got myself into a bad habit with DC2 (13 months) where I hold him to sleep. I want to be able to put him in his cot after a cuddle and for him to self settle. I've been trying this for the past 5 nights or so but he is taking forever to fall asleep. He's not upset he is just talking and standing in the cot. I could lie him down 50 times and he'll just stand up thinking it's a fun game. I need to take him out and cuddle him to try calm him a few times then eventually he will lie down and go to sleep but only after a long time.

My question is should I keep going with this and hope it eventually get easier and quicker? Or would I be as well just cuddling him to get him down quicker? TIA

He's not upset he is just talking and standing in the cot. I could lie him down 50 times and he'll just stand up thinking it's a fun game.

Do it 5,000 times. I'm not joking.

The first few nights of this kind of repetitive sleep training needs you to be more stubborn than baby. And that's all.

Don't get angry or frustrated about it. Plan it to take 2h and you might be pleasantly surprised. But just stay calm and don't relent.

I'd also suggest some instruction following games (with praise) during the daytime. Because ideally you shouldn't be lying him down, you should be telling him to lie down independently, without any help.

I went through exactly what you’re going through! I decided I didn’t want to spend my evenings negotiating with a toddler so just cuddled to sleep and then went downstairs to enjoy my night. Then at about 17 months DS was very tired one evening after getting up early and having a short day nap. I was about to do the full bath time routine when he just walked towards the cot and started banging on it to get in I couldn’t believe it! So I went with it, put him in the cot, put his sleeping bag on him, read him his book in there, gave him his bottle (yes my toddler still has a bottle at night, he loves it, don’t judge me). It still took him an hour of me putting my hand on his tummy and holding his hand etc to go to sleep that night. But the following night he went to sleep in there within 15-20 mins doing the same routine. And as I type, I just put him in there ten mins ago and he’s snoring away now. It’s been about 6 weeks now, but so far so good. I have no idea whether this will work for anyone else but I’m delighted I didn’t give up many evenings sleep training when he did it all by himself a few months later

At that age mine used to cuddle up between me and husband on the sofa and fall asleep naturally, then be carried up to bed. Your baby sounds absolutely gorgeous!

@FATEdestiny

He's not upset he is just talking and standing in the cot. I could lie him down 50 times and he'll just stand up thinking it's a fun game.

Do it 5,000 times. I'm not joking.

The first few nights of this kind of repetitive sleep training needs you to be more stubborn than baby. And that's all.

Don't get angry or frustrated about it. Plan it to take 2h and you might be pleasantly surprised. But just stay calm and don't relent.

I'd also suggest some instruction following games (with praise) during the daytime. Because ideally you shouldn't be lying him down, you should be telling him to lie down independently, without any help.

Thank you for your reply. I'll keep on with the laying him down and trying not to get frustrated 😩

And your other suggestion is great advice. He seems to understand a lot so I'll definitely try to teach him this instruction ☺

@Bodgers

I went through exactly what you’re going through! I decided I didn’t want to spend my evenings negotiating with a toddler so just cuddled to sleep and then went downstairs to enjoy my night. Then at about 17 months DS was very tired one evening after getting up early and having a short day nap. I was about to do the full bath time routine when he just walked towards the cot and started banging on it to get in I couldn’t believe it! So I went with it, put him in the cot, put his sleeping bag on him, read him his book in there, gave him his bottle (yes my toddler still has a bottle at night, he loves it, don’t judge me). It still took him an hour of me putting my hand on his tummy and holding his hand etc to go to sleep that night. But the following night he went to sleep in there within 15-20 mins doing the same routine. And as I type, I just put him in there ten mins ago and he’s snoring away now. It’s been about 6 weeks now, but so far so good. I have no idea whether this will work for anyone else but I’m delighted I didn’t give up many evenings sleep training when he did it all by himself a few months later

Aw that is so sweet. No judgement on the bottle! My little one still has a bottle and no plans to stop it at night for a while.

That sounds like a lovely little routine you have now and hopefully it continues for you. I'll keep with it and hopefully it will get quicker as the days go on ☺

@Maggiesfarm

At that age mine used to cuddle up between me and husband on the sofa and fall asleep naturally, then be carried up to bed. Your baby sounds absolutely gorgeous!

Thank you, he really is. I love a cuddle too I think what's making me wonder whether I should break the habit now is the fact I had to lie with my older DC for the best part of 6 years 🙈

You are doing fine, Melonade. This too will pass.

Thank you @Maggiesfarm

I’m always banging on about the wonder of floor beds and a lot of people think I’m mad but transferring DD asleep from our bed where I’d fed and cuddled her to sleep was driving me potty. I was happy with the cuddling and feeding but she woke up every single sodding time I tried to move her and it was taking ages.

I took the cot to pieces and put her mattress on the floor then cuddled and fed her to sleep on that and could roll away without disturbing her instead of trying to transfer her once she was asleep.

Sleep is developmental, like walking and talking and I’d rather do what my child needs by cuddling her to sleep if that’s the quickest and nicest way to get her down rather than attempting a battle of wills and trying to insist she “self settles” which isn’t a thing till they’re developmentally ready.

Excellent post AnneLGilbert.

DD sometimes takes ages to go to sleep, sometimes goes out immediately, but she’s not upset, just chatting to her elephant or whatever so we leave her to it. It seems like sometimes she just needs to process her day by telling her toy about it. We realized a long time ago if we go in, she takes longer. If you DC isn’t upset at all, I would just say night night and he’ll figure it out. DD once fell asleep mid story she was telling, bolt upright in the corner of her cot! Someone wrote/said, even babies need privacy!