3 week old won't sleep unless she is on me

[nelma]

I bet there are a million threads just like this one.
FtM at the end of my tether, my mental health is reaching an all time low. Frustrated and starting to feel hopeless.
My 3 week old literally refuses/fights sleeping anywhere except if on me or curled up next to me.
I love the cuddles and being so close but the sleep deprivation is really starting to take a toll on my mental and physical health. Tried swaddling, white noise, hot water bottle on next to me crib, even making the sheets smell like me. No matter how tired/deep her sleep is, she will wake up the instant she is not on me or curled up right next to me bf. Even if I pass her to DP, nothing works. DP urged me to give her bottle of formula to try and get a couple 💤 but of course it didn't work, she drank the bottle, was content for say 20 minutes and the started crying, rooting for my breast.
I don't know what else to do

Also would like to say, I don't feel comfortable cosleeping, especially being so sleep deprived. I worry I'm too tired to do such a thing. In the last 24 days I've had maximum 1-3 hours of sleep every night. It's starting to get too much

@nelma Big hugs to you. My dd was exactly the same. If your crib has caster wheels hold onto the corner and push it back and forward to create a rocking motion. Or try holding baby close to your body and rocking baby to sleep by rotating at your waist. Try putting on some relaxing music that you like to help you and baby. I ended up lying down to breastfeed and had my partner watch us so that when I fell asleep I didn’t roll on baby and when she was asleep he would take her from me so I could get some sleep.

This phase is sometimes called the 4th trimester. Because newborn babies still feel very attached to mum and are getting used to not being in the womb anymore.

The sleep deprivation is hard. I also found it helped to have a baby carrier too. Baby could be close to me and I could have my hands free. Make sure baby is positioned properly so as not to impair their airway.

Good luck and remember that this phase will pass and will get easier.

Is your pram safe for sleeping, could try the rocking movement to see if that helps get her off into a good sleep. How about a sling, would bring in that help close to your OH and him moving about the house get her off perhaps?

It's so hard. I caved and coslept. Didn't want to and remember waking up scared at times because they are so tiny and I was very worried about her. I am generally very anxious about DD! I did try buying different sleeping bags for her that swaddled arms, she would fight for 30 seconds or a minute then go to sleep usually. Unfortunately she was a July baby and it was just too hot to do it though so had to abandon it. Her 'Moro' reflex was really strong.

Sorry if you've tried all of the above. It is so hard when caring for them is so relentless x

The transfer to crib is a definite knack I used a wrapped in a blanket transfer.
They have to be the right stage of sleep. Too soon they wake or been asleep too long they wake.
It’s very difficult on very little sleep, it does get better as they start sleeping a bit longer and you will also get used to having very little sleep. I say that as someone whose second has been up for with a temperature for 2 hours now. Before children I needed at least 6 hours
Try a dummy, it really worked for my first and he stopped using them at 18 months. Unfortunately number 2 wouldn’t have one.
I find a hot bath in the morning quite reviving if it’s been a long night

Also I didn't mention co sleeping as a suggestion, mentioned it because I completely understand why you do not feel comfortable with it. It's crap when nothing seems to work. DD hated her pram to and until she could go in the pushchair at nearly six months we couldn't even go for walks!

Hopefully some others will be along with more ideas for you soon. I know some who used sleep positioners/nests due to a lack of sleep but I didn't feel comfortable with that either. Things like purflo and sleepyheads. Although if your OH is around I guess if he is awake and watching baby 24/7 it could be an option for a couple of hour stints at a time to try and get you some rest. Like a PP if I fed DD lying down and fell asleep DH would sit up awake to make sure she was safe next to me also if it meant I could get another two hours block. Takes some work to do proper shifts but if your OH can help in that way it might be the way to do it just for now.

The sleep deprivation is really tough but it does sound completely normal. I would advocate co-sleeping or lying down to breastfeed her with her in a side cot then once she's asleep you can very carefully inch away and go to sleep yourself.

Second get your other half to take her in the evenings once he's home even for an hour so you can nap before bedtime and in the mornings if she's up early do the same. At the weekend if he's not working get him to take her for longer so you can catch up on sleep. Would definitely also advocate getting her to sleep on you then carefully transfer to dh so he can sit and hold her whilst you sleep or into a sling on him so she'll hopefully stay asleep and you can sleep.

Personally at this age I wouldn't try to fight it, she's so little and she just needs you but you also need to find ways to get extra bits of sleep in so you can survive. It will get better I promise x

Hang in there OP, l know how you feel. It will get easier. Does your daughter sleep during the day?

I promise, it gets better.

I forgot to say I think at that age it takes 20 to 25mins for them to fall deeply asleep, I know with my DD if we left for that long we could sometimes transfer her to DH and she'd sleep for long enough for me to get a nap in. Worth a try x

Try a dummy.

sounds familiar

My DS was like this. I remember googling "can you die from sleep deprivation?"
Trying to function on so little sleep was torture. Co sleeping didn't even work that well, but it did a little bit. I promise this will pass.

She’s a very young baby, they don’t want to be away from you sorry.

Co sleep, kick partner out, make a pillow barrier and let her sleep with you.
It’s a lot less riskier to safely co sleep than it is to look after a new born when you’re sleep deprived and emotionally vulnerable, as you already said your mental health is taking a battering.

Once she’s asleep in the bed, slide yourself over and give her plenty of room, no pillows or duvets on her side as such. Even if you only do this a couple of nights to give yourself some solid hours then work out something else.

Mine coslept and feed through the night, I know you are told to put baby in a cot but honestly for millennia people have slept with their babies. She just spent nine months in your belly, of course she wants to be near you.

It’s TOTALLY normal. Your baby has been held 100% of the time and by rights should still be inside you (all human babies are born 3 months premature).

Have a read up on the fourth trimester. I found a way to sleep propped up on pillows so mine could be on my chest to start with but she soon settled for being in the middle of me in a C shape.

The sound of your heart and digestive system has been soothing her for months too. It still will.

I googled the exact same thing @faelavie!
I ended up co-sleeping with both mine as I couldn't cope. My husband slept on the sofa downstairs as didn't feel safe all 3 of us in a bed. I also bout a vibrating electric swing chair which worked wonders.
Does she have a dummy? It was an absolute lifesaver with both if mine. I had to help them get used to it by gently holding it there to start with though.

The first few weeks are tough and I too couldn't do co-sleeping.

I'll be honest to begin with I was only getting an hour at a time tops at night and then napping more in the day after feeding her and passing her to my partner, but I just kept picking my baby back up when she cried in the crib at night and resettling her, as soon as she fell alseep again in my arms straight in her crib she went, took awhile but she soon learnt that is where she sleeps at night and is now a great sleeper even with her being EBF, wakes up for feeds every 3-4 hours then goes back in the next to me crib for sleep with no issues.

I also use to fall asleep continuely rocking her crib to keep her settled, until I bought the Rockit which I put on the moses basket which has been amazing for us.

@oceanbliss
This phase is sometimes called the 4th trimester. Because newborn babies still feel very attached to mum and are getting used to not being in the womb anymore.

Totally agree