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Sleeps becoming stressful and it's my fault!

3 replies

Katie17isabella · 27/06/2021 19:21

Hello!
My daughter is 2.
She's a fantastic sleeper, or rather she was.
She currently sleeps in a big cot but we're gifted a toddler bed.
We got everything ready and she seemed super excited to sleep!
However, the first night she kept getting out of bed which was completely expected and fine. Eventually she slept.
Then the next day she wanted to go in her bed for her nap. So she went in there but refused to sleep. I ended up getting stressed and kept telling her not to get out of bed (I didn't handle the situation well, I feel terrible about it)
She didn't want to go back in her cot but from then on, sleeping in her bed became a huge stressor for her (because of my lack of patience!) To the point where she just didn't sleep one night.
I ended up getting rid of the bed and moving back to the cot because she no longer wanted to go in her bed and got really worked up about it.
Now she's back in her cot but still gets very stressed at bed time to the point she made herself sick tonight.
She goes to sleep fine with dad but when I go in she clings onto me and won't let me go. She keeps herself awake to make sure I stay there.
I've tried sleeping on the floor, I've tried explaining to her that I'm just in the other room and she can call me and I'll be straight there and nothing is helping apart from dad putting her to bed. Obviously not great when it comes to naps and I'm here alone.
She's never been like this. I'm aware it's completely my fault and I've made a mistake. I would just take her into bed with me but she has never slept in my bed before and refuses to fall asleep.
Does any one have any advice? It's becoming a big worry of mine and we're both now dreading bed time.
The bed introduction was obviously handled badly by me and has thrown her off. But how do I get back to it?!
Any tips or advice would be greatly appreciated.
Thank you for reading!!

OP posts:
FATEdestiny · 27/06/2021 19:30

Whats causes the issue here is lack of boundaries. Psychologically speaking bedtime has always been: Mum (Or Dad) takes me to the cot, I lie down, I stay where I am, I sleep. There has never been am alternate option.

The bed (I agree too early) has introduced some flexibility into those ridged boundaries. But flexibility before baby had the emotional regulation skills. Bed time is not currently black or white, it has a massive grey area and that "not sure what's expected" grey area is the problem.

You'll need to be strict. Not long term, but long enough to establish the expectation that no other option but yours (lie down in cot, be still, be quiet) are avaliable. It just needs repetition and consistency.

Katie17isabella · 27/06/2021 19:40

Wow 🤯🤯
That makes lots of sense, I never thought of it like that. She's seen the other side and can't understand.
Brilliant, thank you. So I just need to keep at it and show her that once again, there isn't another option.
I was just worried that I was going to cause some long term issue by being stern when she is stressed.
Thank you so much!

OP posts:
FATEdestiny · 27/06/2021 19:53

She definwtely needs you to be sturn when shes stressed.

She will feel safer when you are.

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