Baby will only settle when held through the day

[GH2021]

My now 4 week old will only settle/sleep when being held and its really starting to impact on my mental health .

We have managed to get her to settle at night -
night routine =swaddle ,bottle of pumped milk(nappy change halfway or end as she likes to go mid feed usually), placed in side crib with white noise.

Daytime we have tried bouncer, BEANBAG, moses basket, she won't settle on walks in the pram, not usually swaddled (have tried a couple times with no luck) but tried white noise and is breast fed through the day ( anywhere for every hour or for over an hour but latching/tongue tie issues). I have tried waiting until she is asleep asleep putting down , putting her down awake, she even screams when changing her nappy, getting dressed on the mat or bathing because she is put down, it breaks my heart all the crying and screaming and the bath is supposed to be relaxing her for bedtime.

I cant move off the couch, I cant get out the house, I cant socialise , I cant do anything . Its my idea of hell I hate sitting watching TV I didnt even have a TV licence pre baby because I'm usually always on the go.

I've tried a carrier but im not a fan and don't want to encourage her only settling on me.

I am filled with guilt because everyone says make the most of the cuddles but then I see them going for walks or out to the shop or meeting friends or a picture od their baby settled in a bouncer or moses basket and I just feel like crap!

I think you might have a big dose of Unrealistic Expectations there. Plus believing what you see on social media - which is a huge mistake when it comes to life with a baby.

You are 4 weeks from giving birth. There is LOADS of time to get out the house, socialise, do stuff. You don't need to do them right now, this soon. Slow down.

Getting your baby to sleep independently (ie not on you) during the day is hard work. It's labour intensive and you have to put in significant amounts of effort to achieve it. Many (Most, in fact) first time mum's wildly underestimate the effort needed.

Firstly sucking. Nature's way to sooth and comfort baby. Automatically stops crying. The independent way to get comfort sucking is the dummy - have you introduced one yet?

Next limited awake time. Baby is likely to be awake about 30 minutes between waking from one nap and being asleep for the next one. Certainly no more than 60 minutes. Longer awake will give you a significantly over tired baby, harder to settle

Next movement. Another of nature's way to sooth baby. Rhythmic, even tempo, at a rate of around your heartbeat, and non-stop. Be relentless about it. Bouncy chair is my place if choice - you set on sofa, bouncer at your feet, about 30 mins from last waking up, dummy in, keep going. Otherwise pram works too.

I appreciate you've tired all these. I put it to you that you've not been persistent enough.

Your baby is acting perfectly normal. They are 4weeks old, they need to be held. They've just spent the first 40 weeks of their life inside you and are still reliant on you for comfort as well as all their other needs. You either give them what they need (ie. persevere with the sling) or leave them to cry. I know what I would prefer!

Just here to say (annoyingly, I know) that it will pass. My baby spent a lot of time napping on me or in the sling at that age, from about 12 weeks she wouldn’t tolerate cuddling up to me for a nap anymore. She’s 5 months now and naps independently now in the cot (in the mornings at least). So please don’t worry about creating habits and just go with whatever works for you for now. Might be worth persevering with the sling as it will give you both what you want - her to be close to you and you to get out and about! Good luck OP and hang in there x