Sleep training 17 month old / night weaning?

[DingDingTriangle]

Hi everyone

I've found myself in a situation where DD 17 months is back to feeding to sleep and waking regularly in the night for more milk. She was self settling at the end of last year, for naps and bed time, and after her one night feed. Then she started nursery, developed separation anxiety, had cold after cough after cold after cough.... and we ended up feeding to sleep again.

I really want to kick this habit and get her back to self settling, but if I put her in the cot awake she screams at me so much that she often starts coughing and spluttering and retching. How on earth can I get her to self settle? Staying in the room doesn't help, she just reaches out for me and cries and screams at me. Leaving the room doesn't help.

I'm also considering night weaning. Up until a few weeks ago she would feed before bed and once in the night. Now she seems to suddenly be obsessed with breastfeeding and wants it in the morning, before her nap, randomly in the day and several times in the night. I'm not sure what's happening.

I'm looking for tips for sleep training so that she learns to self settle again. Will night weaning help this process at all? Will she get confused if I let her breastfeed before bed but not at any other time? I was hoping she'd naturally wean off but she's suddenly becoming really interested rather than less! Help!

Sorry this is really waffly.

Night weaning will be necessary in order to teach independent settling at this age.

You don't mention how quickly/gently you want to make this change? Generally speaking the harsher methods give faster result. Gentler methods that are less distressing take longer to get there. So are you looking to start a journey towards independent sleep but are happy that it will take a while to get there? Or are you wanting baby settling independently soonish?

Thanks for your reply @FATEdestiny, I think I'm happy to start gentle and slow and see how we get on. She's really struggling with separation anxiety at the moment so I'm reluctant to go too big and fast.

The gentle way would be yo move from feeding to sleep to cuddling to sleep. So unlatch baby slightly earlier than normal and cuddle for the last bit.

Habit stack by adding in a bum pat for the cuddle. The hope is to unlatch earlier and earlier until just cuddling and bum pat to sleep.

Then in time, put in cot not fully asleep and do the bum pats in there. And gradually put down earlier and earlier.

Thanks again @FATEdestiny and apologies for the really late reply. I'll give this a go, once I've night weaned. Now just need to build the strength to actually do the night weaning....

Hey I bottle feed but my 17 month old baby use to have one night feed and is now waking serval times an wanting milk as a sleep aid to settle. This is after being ill for 3 weeks were I was feeding when demanding as was refusing to eat an at times refusing milk so was just happy to get some nutrients inside him! Also went very clingy and had separation anxiety whilst unwell. Seems to now have bad habits from these past 3 weeks but I done what was best and felt right while he was poorly.
I am now on night 4 of weening through the night and self soothing at bedtime.
It's hard work and I feel your frustration and tiredness! Different situation but very similar to you so thought I'd give you some reassurance you are not alone!

I used this with both my older boys (and plan to use it again with DS3 around 18m) www.drjaygordon.com/blog-detail/sleep-changing-patterns-in-the-family-bed

Both Ds1 and 2 would feed more when ill or under the weather (sounds like your dc might be due to a run of bugs from nursery), also if teething or going through a developmental leap.

They do all stop bf at some point

I'm a fan of natural term breast feeding and that might not be popular on MN and I know it's not what you asked, but this is a HARD stage, at 2 it will get better, and it will be difficult again each 6 months after that. I was on a FB BF group and they taught breast feeding solutions to breastfeeding problems, and that got me through. I think it's Jay Gordon who has night weaning advice, but I am a lazy arse who decided to take the path of least resistance and give my child what she wanted with the understanding that "this too shall pass". And it does. There's something about being 7 before you can self settle, that it's biologically impossible before that, and the school of thought that adults can't self settle, we seek reassurance, a cuddle, a pat on the head, a wee love. I didn't read into it, because it seemed common sense enough in the middle of the exhaustion! I followed The Wonder Weeks app until it stopped when DD was 2, and it showed a map/calendar of leaps/unsettled periods from birth, it was there or thereabouts, and a visual studio reminder that what I was currently suffering with, couldn't possibly last forever. Parenting for me has been "whatever it takes to get through the day/night" and deal with the rest another day. I work full time and I have a rubbish as sleeper, who at SIX is finally ready to go to bed, sleep fairly quickly with me lying beside her, and sleep through until 7 ish. I don't have a clean house, I forget to buy milk, I have aged 100 years, but I am content that I have done my best and kept everyone intact so far. Win! 😂😂