2.5 year old separation anxiety at night

[Brooklily]

Our daughter has always been a fairly good sleeper. For about a year now she has gone to sleep and down for naps really well...we'd just tuck her in, give her a kiss and leave the room and she'd go to sleep by herself. She's had a bedtime routine since she was tiny and barring illness or noises or losing her dummy she mostly slept through.
We moved house a couple of months ago and for a couple of weeks she was waking regularly through the night and getting up very early but it settled as we maintained a consistent bedtime routine.
For the last week she has refused to go to sleep without me or my husband staying with her. If we try and leave the room she gets very very distressed. If she wakes up in the middle of the night she also gets very distressed until we go in her room and won't sleep unless we stay with her - it often takes more than hour for her to get back to sleep.
We have tried to go in, settle her and then leave but she gets so upset as soon as we leave that we gave to go back in. We have left her to cry it out but she is still screaming at full throttle after about 20 minutes.
She is the same at nap time for me and my husband but goes down for naps no problem when she's at mums.
We are at the end of our tether as we and her are getting hardly any sleep. Any tips, advice or experience would be gladly accepted 🙏🙏🙏

OP, this is EXACTLY what is happening with our 2.5YO DD as well... In fact, I posted about it this morning in desperation after another terrible night..so while I don't have any answers, you are definately not alone....

@MermaidTail7 it's awful isn't it. My mum told me to just let her cry, I don't think she gets it that I can't. She's not just fussing or whinging - she is full on hysterical sobbing and screaming. I feel sorry for the neighbours.
I'm going to try tweaking the bedtime routine tonight and telling her I'll check on her after two minutes when I put her down. If I can just leave the room without her screaming and getting out of bed, I'll have something to work with 🙏
I read your post and we're in a very similar position as I'm pregnant too though not as far along as you. Hoping you get it sorted..let me know if anything works for you xxx

Our DD is the same... There's no build up, just full on hysterics as soon as we leave the room, or she wakes up and realises we aren't there. She will also get out of bed, come out of her room and into ours, or stand on the landing having hysterics.

I have started talking to her about bedtime when I pick her up from nursery of an evening... Asking her why she woke up and didn't want to be on her own, I ways get a version of 'there was a lion, it went rah and woke me up and I had to get mummy and daddy', reassuring her that there are in fact no lions, and asking if she will stay in her bed all night... Which she begrudgingly says yes too.....

My 2.5 year old DS is exactly the same too. Makes me feel better that it’s not just us. It’s only been the last couple of months we think he may have had a bad dream at some point because he point blank refuses to go into his own bed. We have to lay with him on our bed until he’s asleep then put him in his own bed. Sometimes he sleeps through and others he comes through at various times in the night to sleep in our bed. We’ve tried leaving him to cry too but he just screams and screams and with a 7 year old in the house too it’s not fair when he’s got to be at school the next day. It’s bloody hard work!!

This might not work for everyone but we resorted to controlled crying.
We out her to bed and told her we were going but that we'd be back in 5 minutes to check on her and shut her door. She screamed for 5 minutes and when we went back in she was distraught. I gave her a hug put her back in bed and told her I'd be back in 5 min again. This time she screamed more and was banging on her door. I went back in and cuddled her and put her back to bed and told her I'd be back in 5 min. She cried for about 4 mins this time and when I went back in she was still I bed. I gave her a kiss and told her I'd be back again in 5 mins. She didn't make any noise for the next 5. Then I went in and asked her if it was OK if I went and she nodded and I gave her a kiss goodnight.
She slept through till 5.30 which compared to previous nights was amazing. The next night it just took two lots of 5 mins for her to settle and since then we've only been back one to check on her and she hasn't cried at all. She's also started having an hour daytime nap in the day. She's much happier and well rested.
That first night was horrible but I think because she already was self settling before she started needing one of us there, it didn't take long for her to start doing it again.
Like I sat, not for everyone but it helped us.

That's really interesting @Brooklily and fab that it's had such a positive effect too, well done!! Fingers crossed that it lasts!

I ended up going down the 'Supernanny' route of telling her that I'd stay with her for a little bit when she went to bed, but that then I would go and she needed to sleep on her own and stay in her bed, then if she got out of bed and out of her room it was just minimal interaction, taking her back to bed and repeating 'it's bedtime, you need to go to sleep on your own' kissing her goodnight and leaving the room.

The first night was awful.. Hysterics, tears, tantrums at bedtime for over an hour and the same again at 2am for 45 mins... The second night we had two episodes of hysterics and just wanting a cuddle at 2am, then by the third night she just self settled... Last night she slept through for the first time in over six weeks, and interestingly she has also started having her nap after lunch again at nursery, which we thought she stopped just after Christmas....

@MermaidTail7 so glad that that worked for you! I'm sure you're all feeling better 😌 I'm glad I have more energy to spend time with her having fun now!
Take care ❤