Sleep help 2.5 yr old

[NatSab]

Hi,

So my little boy who is 3 in September has always slept terribly! He was breast fed until he was about 18 months but I think this was the initial issue as he was fed to sleep etc etc. We had got him into a routine of bed time at 7 after a bath, book and a little play in his room.. He would self soothe and rarely woke in the night. He has always been an early riser say 5am onwards... We then got one of those grow clocks and set it to 6.30 and although he was awake, he would stay in his bed until 6.30.

However for the last month.. he is taking FOREVER to settle, waking numerous times in the night and waking at 4.30am! He's in a toddler bed with a side bar to keep him secure but climbs out and bangs on the door screaming. His room is black with black out blinds and curtains. He asks to come in with us and sometimes out of desperation we let him but he still doesn't settle and I give up by about 5.30 and take him downstairs!

The taking ages to settle we are dealing with.. through leaving him to a cry for a bit, incentivising (is that a word?!) with a star chart etc. However the early waking we just can't seem to sort out! He was napping for an hour around lunch time which we have cut out but still no difference!

HELP welcome please! I am losing my mind! I would have had another baby if he let me sleep but I just can't bare the thought of it!

He's young. Children go through phases with sleep while they develop and this like all the other times will pass.

Perhaps he's having nightmares, perhaps he's feeling separation anxiety, perhaps he's having a developmental leap, perhaps he's testing boundaries, maybe he's being outright naughty, he is two after all.

I think you just need to ride out the storm and accept that right now he doesn't need as much sleep as you'd like and he isn't able to settle himself to sleep.

The more of a big deal you make this the more stressed everyone will become and the worse it'll be in my opinion.

Having another baby is not really part of the issue? If you hate the sleep deprivation and don't want to do it again then don't have one as your DS is probably soon to be sleeping better, that's one way of looking at it, the other is that you're still getting broken sleep anyway so would it really make much difference to have a baby as well.

Is the problem that your toddler isn't sleeping or that you want him to sleep so you can have another baby?

Thanks for the reply! I am sure it is just a phase but was just wondering if anyone else experienced and had some advice as it's so exhausting I am finding it such hard work when I just have no energy. I am getting in bed earlier now so that I get more sleep too, just means I don't spend time with my husband!

What I meant was if he had slept better from day one, I probably would have had another baby by now but I didn't expect to still be this sleep deprived nearly three years on! It isn't the only reason I didn't have another baby but a massive contributing factor!

He's showing all the signs of sleep deprivation and his quality of sleep is decreasing because he's getting more and more overtired. It's like a spiral - the worse he sleeps the harder it is to stay in a deep sleep so he spends longer in a light sleep and then more easily wakes up - so it keeps getting worse and worse.

Sleep deprivation in a toddler often shows itself as early morning wakes (when bedtime isn't excessively early). This is because the bodys natural body clock applies the least pressure to sleep in the early morning, it's the time when we all (adults as well as children) spend more time in light or restless sleep. So of all times in 24h, from 3am onwards is the easiest time to wake up and the hardest time to go back to sleep if you wake up.

Then if toddler sleep deprivation progresses on from this, you start finding they wake in more of the light sleep phases throughout the night - giving you nighttime wake ups. That's why I mention you seeing all the signs of your toddler needing (significantly) more sleep than he's currently having.

Having said all that, things like seperation anxiety and nightmares, scared of the dark, all these sorts of things are probably affecting him too. It's the right age to suddenly go from needing/wanting a pitch black room to the opposite - needing a light on all night so that he doesn't feel frightened.

It might not only be the dark that frightens him when he wakes, being alone might scare him too - hence he wants you. How you handle this can be important. I'd be inclined to stay with him as he falls asleep, so that he gets that feeling of safety and security. If he is currently fighting (metaphorically) to keep you with him at bedtime then he's going to deliberately keep himself awake so that you stay. If you remove that battle by staying until he's asleep, it removes the battle of having to stay awake to keep you there.

We are in the exact situation with 22 month old. Wakes at 5 for the day, comes running in and no amount of milk/cuddles/climbing in bed with him will settle him down. The Ferber method (cry for 2 mins then support)was the only one that worked when he was in a cot, but since he moved to a bed (because he could climb out of the cot), nothing works. The room is pitch black as he does not like light. Some nights he will not go to sleep until 10, wakes during the night and then up at 5, sometimes earlier. No-one seems to have any suggestions that we haven’t tried before, without success. He has a large meal shortly before sleep but often wants half a litre or more of milk over the night to sleep.
Bathtime is in the morning as it energises him. Any recommendations just do not seem to work.

My DD went through this it was only a phase though and when I heard her wake she was in her cot in her own room and I'd listen and not go in if she seemed happy/talking to herself and really tried to set a time and think you're not getting a bottle of milk until (6am for example) so her body would be used to not getting food/drink until then. I guess it's perseverance plus phases etc