Tough time with 12 month old

[Diamond263]

Hello, wondering if anyone might be able to offer advice please. DD (DC2) is just about to turn 12 months. Shes never slept through, though until recently was semi-reliable sleeping 7.15pm till 3am, feeding, sleeping on till 6.30am at least. She has been desperately fighting two naps (car, buggy, no amount of feeding rocking, nothing worked) so more recently having one nap for two hours midday and seems fine with this. She always feeds to sleep, or at a push I can rock her to sleep.

The last two nights I have tried to drop the 3am feed to try help sleeping through but she doesnt settle back down and cries briefly (stops before I get to her) every 20mins or so the rest of the night. Obviously she is shattered, I still couldn't get her to have a morning nap this morning though. Shes also become very, very clingy. I'm guessing one of my problems is that she always feeds to sleep, which might now be an issue. Cc worked very quickly and easily with DS (now 2) but DD is very different and I seem to find if she falls asleep upset then she doesnt sleep so well.

Maybe this is a phase, I'm just really struggling with DCs right now with no family anywhere near and husband working long hours. Anyone been through similar please? I'm wondering what might be the most effective gentle sleep training method. Thank you all!

I'm wondering what might be the most effective gentle sleep training method.

The most gentle answer, given that she is used to feeding to sleep, is to cosleep. It's not the feeding to sleep that is the problem, it is that she doesn't get to stay where she falls asleep. What is poor sleep hygiene when feeding to sleep is that baby goes to sleep in your arms/at the breast but is then moved and put down to sleep independently in the cot. If she was to feed to sleep and then stay where she is once asleep, that is good sleep hygiene despite feeding to sleep. So feeding her lying down on your bed and then leaving her there to sleep is the gentlest of options.

If you want a bit more independence to her sleep than that, the next most gentle option would be a sidecar cot. So bring her cot into your bedroom, remove one side and fasten it to your bed. Feed her to sleep either in there (with your torso in the cot and the rest of your body on your bed) or feed on your bed and "scoot" her across once asleep. Then the option of cuddling her back to a deep sleep in the night, without overly affecting your own nights sleep.

Thank you, we did cosleep for 6 months and had a next to me although DD refused to go in it. The sleep was pretty awful at that point and improved when we moved her into her cot (in our room, and then her own). I have tried sleeping on a mattress on the floor in her room with her, she will initially sleep soundly but then get mad when she wakes and I'm not able to settle her until shes back in her cot 🤔
Our room is currently way too bright for cosleeping (and in North Scotland its never dark in June) and I think it would just result in more and more wakes and feeding every hour back to sleep!

I seem to find if she falls asleep upset then she doesnt sleep so well

This is your problem then. Because while "gentle methods" to sleep train aren't as harsh as CC (in that you don't leave baby to cry alone), they still involve the same sort of (very high) levels of crying and distress.

It's as though you're hoping for a magical unicorn - a way to sleep train her out of breastfeeding to sleep to independant sleep, without loads of crying.

That doesn't exist. It either will

• take a long, slow time to get to independant sleep
• involve attachment parenting if you want minimal upset
• will involve large amounts of upset to get her falling asleep independently.

It comes down to where you will compromise.