4 month old regression / self-soothing help

[Machir]

Hi everyone

I'm sure there are numerous threads on this topic, but I'm at the end of my tether. I've gone from having a baby who woke once a night for a quick feed, to having a baby awake every 1 or 2 hours. She's 18 weeks and it's been continuously getting worse for just over 1 week. Prior to this, she had a couple of days where she'd be up a couple of times after midnight, but not every night.

I notice she wakes up thumping her legs, getting more and more forceful if I leave her. Is this a way of self-soothing? Should I leave her to do this if she isn't crying? At the minute all she will settle for is boob, but I don't leave her thrashing longer than 5-10 mins.

She contact naps during the day, usually around 40 mins three times a day. I'm lucky if I can stretch one out. The catnaps started maybe a month ago, but it hasn't been an issue until now.

Has anyone had any success with buying these sleep help guides from Just Chill Baby Sleep or Lyndsey Hookway, for example? I fear they're just selling me tips for what I'm already doing (bedtime routine, dark room, white noise) and cashing in on desperate sleep deprived parents.

I just need to know what I can do to help us sleep. I can't do this for months!

Hi OP, as your baby was previously sleeping pretty well and the naps have started slipping, I would say its a 4 month sleep regression. Its your baby hitting a huge milestone in development and it really screws around with their sleep. Usually they go back to their normal sleep routine within around 6 weeks. If she's not crying I would leave her to be honest, she may just be happy doing her thing (but you'll know better than me if it's more like she's getting worked up!). Is the room hot too? It could also be a factor in her waking up (I'm having this issue with my 2yr old).

Thanks for your response! I know rationally that it's a phase and it'll pass, but it's so hard to think particularly rationally after a hard night.

The room is around 20C most nights, it hasn't been especially warm where we are. We do have a fan though for when it creeps up.

I'm just so tired. She will only settle for me. If my husband picks her up she cries until I hold her.

@Machir very similar story here. My LO is 20 weeks. Sleep just getting worse each night. She is very hard to settle and last night we had a single two hour stretch but otherwise couldn't get her asleep in cot for longer than about 30min. Like your one she is often awake and active but not crying. I also don't know whether to leave her or feed / rock back to sleep. I generally end up picking her up as she seems to have lost ability to self settle and don't want her to be awake all night! She'll happily sleep on me, but that isn't sustainable. Doesn't stay asleep for long if I get her back in cot. Day time she's pretty tired and grizzly. I try and get her to nap as much as possible.

I think we just have to ride it out? Thought I may might try some form of sleep training if no improvement by six months old. I'll be wrecked by sleep deprivation by then!

@Skyla01 At least we know we aren't alone! My MIL and SIL had "never heard of that" (4 month sleep regression) when I asked them for advice. My own mum told me to call the doctor!

It seems riding it out is the only option really. I just felt I must be doing something wrong for no one else to have experienced this!

I think in the meantime I'm going to try and get her to nap in her cot. Someway or another...

We had the 4 month sleep regression early. Started at 13 weeks and lasted 5 weeks. Up 7 times a night. It was awful. We didn't change anything apart from trying to rock ir use the dummy to get him to sleep first if possible but mostlyit was being fed, and just kept on going and it passed. Don't believe all the self soothing nonsense that's around online. My son is still fed to sleep at 6 months but has now started doing 5/6 hour stretches at the start of the night. Pre-regression a 4 hour stretch was his best so he can obviously link sleep cycles.

I do know some people where the 4 month regression started late and kind of blended into the 8 month one though. Hopefully that won't be you. But even that baby who is now over one takes long naps in her cot. It's hell but it will end one day! Just do what you need to survive.

I notice she wakes up thumping her legs, getting more and more forceful if I leave her. Is this a way of self-soothing? Should I leave her to do this if she isn't crying? At the minute all she will settle for is boob, but I don't leave her thrashing longer than 5-10 mins

Thrashing her legs around is something that lots of babies do. It is a form of self-soothing, but it won't get her to sleep. It's effectively a communication of frustration - "I'm so frigging tired and want to go to sleep NOW!". She's telling you she needs more help to go back to sleep.

If she likes sucking to sleep and you are hoping for independent sleep (ie sleeping in the cot) then a dummy will be very helpful for you.

I'd also aim to calm and sooth the body thrashing. This helps her feel calm and relaxed to go back to sleep, alongside comfort sucking (dummy). A tightly tucking in sheet or swaddle would do this. Otherwise just place your hand firmly across her legs and keep it there to still her and calm her body. The physical contact of doing this will help calm her too.

As for the 4 month sleep regression... I'll not burst the bubble of all the posters here. It's a progression, not a regression.

@Machir I think it is quite common for sleep to go awry at this point so you definitely aren't alone. Tiring as it is, fingers crossed it will pass in a few weeks and will soon be a distant bad memory. I feel bad for our wee ones struggling to get enough kip, little babies need more sleep than this! From 4am last night I basically held mine because I thought this might be the only sleep she'd get.

Just found this thread as I think we're going through the same now with my 14 week old. I wonder how it went for you; what you describe is exactly what's been happening here. Hope all is well and you now have more sleep! X

I needed to read this today to know we aren't alone! My son is just over 16 weeks and we are in our second week of exactly what you describe! He used to be such a good little sleeper I'm so sick of reading and being told about self soothing as I feel he is just to young but would love to know if there was anything you did to help? Or anything you tried? I'm hoping it IS just a phase and it passes! I hope you now get lots of sleep

@Firsttimemum082021 I'm feeling this! Sleep is currently top of my Christmas list, I hope Santa gets the memo!