2yr old will suddenly not sleep alone - advice please!

[mummyofgirls]

My friend is 8.5 months pregnant and her DD who is just 2 has never been a great sleeper (here are definately things my friend would do differently next time in this respect). However, her DD since Monday refuses to let my friend out of her sight day or night and will not sleep unless her mummy sleeps in her bed with her. My friend has managed 3 hours sleep per night in her DD's bed since - that's all. Her DD is afraid there is a bear in her room since she came home from nursery on Monday and won't even be left alone in a room during the day. A few months ago with lots of hard work and by moving further away from her DD each night, my friend had a few months where she got her DD to go to sleep in her room on her own but on recent weeks that has all gone to pot with DD getting up up to 8 times at night.

I'm worried about my friend but have never had such problems with my DD'S and I don't know how to advise. The little girl has a lamp on in her room already, I have also suggested fairy lights and a favourite soft toy which would keep the bears away even though she has been told bears don't exist. Sorry it's long, any advice greatly appreciated - told my friend I'd have a think!!

Can anyone help?

I can sympathise with your friend. My first dd was a terrible sleeper - she still is and she is 8! With dd2 I instilled a good night time routine from early on. It will be harder for your friend as her dd is 2 and so is capable of getting out of bed herself. IME night lights usually only keep them awake, or if they do sleep, once they come into 'light sleep' they waken because of the light. Same with music - it can sometimes act as a stimulant.

What does your friend do at bedtime? Does she have a routine as such?

If it were me, I would move the girls toddler bed into my bedroom and just let her sleep in with mum and dad. I am also pg and have a DS a few months younger than her DD and I just let him sleep in bed with me because that way everybody sleeps! He would think nothing of getting up 8 times a night! I still think a 2 yo is very young and it is OK for her to want her mum.

Hi karen99 - yes she now has had a routine for a while noe which starts around 5 and consists on dinner, night garden, bath, story in bed and then sleep (or not as the case may be). I'm so worried about my friend. She is due in 4 weeks and there is no way she will be able to manage a new baby plus a 2 year old DD who barely sleeps. Thanks for responding.

Thanks crokky, but what will you/she do when baby is born? Toddler bed plus cot plus double bed and 4 people in one bedroom at night is not a good longer-term solution, though I agree until the baby is born she will be able to get some rest.

Get a kingsize bed

I have never had to deal with 2 kids at such a young age. There is a 7 year gap between my dd's. Pehaps once the baby is born, then your friends dd will settle a bit better. Especially if she sees that baby has a routine and goes to bed. 2 is still very young but perhaps your friend could let her get involved, ie asking her to get nappies, reading to them together. IME girls love to feel involved. I have found that night time routine needs to be consistent and the same EVERY night - if you deviate from it, it is sometimes harder to get things back on track.

What does your friend do when her dd gets up?

Lol CBM!!!!

mummyofgirls I don't know what I will do when baby is born. I do have a superking and am thinking of either:

small baby in moses basket, big baby in our bed!

or big baby in toddler bed beside big bed and small baby in our bed!

I don't really know it is really difficult. My DS is determined not to sleep unless he has hold of my hair!!!!

karen99 - that's the main problem I think. When her DD gets up, from what I can gather there is persuasive discussion that mummy never wins and then mummy ends up getting into DD's toddler bed to get 3 hours sleep. Her DD is tired in the day so days are hard too. It's difficult to advise without criticising because when my DD's were old enough they were put in their bed/cot and they had 2 choices - sleep or cry. They soon found the sleep option worked best! I know not all mums can do it that way, or are lucky enough to get kids that give up so quickly as mine did (within a few weeks). I gave the advice before the fear factor entered the issue of putting her to bed, putting the stair gate on her bedroom door and ignoring her as long as my friend knew she was ok and not going to come to any harm and my friend was not able to apply this admittedly tough love option. But if the DD is genuinely frightened, I don't think you can do that, I just don't know what to advise!

Mummyofgirls - I think it is really tough, however when my dd1 got to this age, and was getting up, I used to take her straight back to bed and kept repeating the process. It was hard and upsetting but after a couple of weeks it stopped. Consistency is the key. If they can get a good nights sleep then this does impact on how they are during the day - maybe if you can explain this to your friend she may give it a try. I would really try hard to do this now before baby no 2 comes along because after that it will be really hard.

karen999 - I agree. Any thoughts with handling the fear factor?

Handling fear is a tricky one because it is irrational but 'real' for the person suffering from it - more so for a child. I know your friend has prob explained to her dd that there are no bears in her room but it is hard for a 2 year old to understand. What about doing a 'bear check' before bed? ie, like making it a game, hunting under the bed, toys etc...both your friend and dd can look. When baby comes along, then dd can be responsible for checking his/her room too! If dd can see for herself that there are no bears then perhaps this may help. There are also some good books out there with stories of bears....nice ones!! Also, does dd have a teddy bear? A nice cuddly one? Maybe she has had a scare at nursery?? Sorry, prob not much help but I know that in the past when my dd1 has said that she is scared - hunting in the room has helped.

Will definately suggest the bear hunt. Had never thought of that thanks. I realise a great deal of this has to come from my friend and she needs to come to the decision herself that enough is enough. But she's so exhausted and pregnant, I don't think she can think straight!

I appreciate it is hard but I think it will be even harder when baby comes along! have a look here childcare.ygoy.com/child-care-tell-your-child-there-is-little-to-fear/

mummyofgirls - is your friend single or does she have a partner? if with a partner my suggestion would be get him involved/take over bedtime. My dt's went through a phase of night wakings around two and i spent many a night on their floor holding hands through cot bars and shushing - then creeping out slowly only to step on the only squeaky floor board in their room and wake them up again! Anyway one night i was snoozing on their floor again and dh came in, sent me to bed and had them asleep in minutes - he won't let me in on his secret but am guessing they just realised they couldn't wrap daddy round their little fingers.

Since then we share the getting up, but more often than not he is more successful than me - they are generally good sleepers but we have recently gone commando at night and are experiencing a few accidents!

Thanks karen999 will check that link out in a bit. Thanks for yur advice x